I Climbed into the Emperor's Bed to Save My Brother - Chapter 2

I, Xie Yuan, former chancellor, had officially transferred from the imperial court to the inner palace.

In ancient times, people sold themselves to bury their fathers. I had sold myself to save my brother.

What had I ever done to deserve this?

May the bodhisattvas keep my idiot brother from offending His Majesty again. The only promotion left for me was empress, and after that, empress dowager. Neither job looked easy.

I was anxiously counting the possibilities on my fingers when the emperor lifted my bridal veil.

I had to admit, he looked rather handsome without his court robes. Perhaps it was because he seemed especially gentle tonight. Stars and moonlight appeared to have been crushed into his eyes. One glance could make a woman fall for him. He bore none of the intimidating force he carried at court.

“Ah Yuan.” His lips curved into a beautiful smile.

I’d reached the lofty position of chancellor, but this was my first marriage—and to my own superior, no less. I forced down my panic and managed a passable smile.

The candlelight flickered suggestively. I knew what came next: consummation. That’s how it worked in all the storybooks. Even if I’d never eaten pork, I’d seen a pig run.

The emperor took my hand, lay down, and gathered me into his arms.

I swallowed. Remembering the illustrated manuals Xiao Cui had given me that afternoon, I resolved to give my new job my all. I cleared my throat and, with a straight face, laid out the advantages, drawbacks, and expected sensations of several positions in those… spring pictures.

“Does Your Majesty prefer *Bending to Please* or *Peach Blossoms on a Fair Face*?”

I discussed the matter as earnestly as a border defense report. He looked down at me; I craned my neck to look up at him.

“My Ah Yuan knows quite a lot.”

Maybe it was the heat, but his face suddenly turned scarlet. He looked like a ripe peach. A very appetizing one.

Wait. Had His Majesty never eaten pork either?

Before I could think better of it, I blurted, “My brother has behaved outrageously and spoken out of turn so many times, damaging Your Majesty’s authority. As your consort, I must atone for him.”

The emperor froze halfway toward me. His face went from red to ashen, then black as thunder.

Oh no. Was I about to lose this job on my first day?

His hand paused. “Is that why you’ve been trying so hard?”

Uh. I… Well…

That was it? What did he mean? Had I not prepared thoroughly enough?

“Your Majesty, if you have any other special preferences, I could accept those too…”

Before I could say it aloud, he let go of me, turned his back, and went to sleep.

Thank goodness. If he’d turned a moment later, he’d have seen how red my face was.

Xiao Cui had led me astray!

But Xiao Cui did love me. Over the next few days, she found me several reference works, including *A Wicked Consort’s Guide to Self-Improvement* and *Why Is the Emperor Like That?*

The palace had no current wicked consort to study, so we looked to favored consorts from history. Our conclusion: emperors generally liked women who were delicate, graceful, and almost boneless.

In short, the most important thing in life was to be happy. The most important thing as a court employee was to make the emperor happy.

Time to get to work.

I put on my most vivid dress, painted on my most calculated innocent look, and headed straight for the imperial garden.

Sure enough, the emperor was admiring flowers. I had Xiao Cui and the others hurry to set up a swing. When he came over, I’d wave a fan as I swung. I’d swing my way right into his heart.

I was a fearsome bandit in the fight for his favor. Heh, heh, heh. I laughed smugly to myself.

Once everything was ready, I lifted my skirts and settled leisurely onto the swing. I was just about to recite a poem when the emperor, wearing an inscrutable smile, strode off in the other direction.

“Hey, Your… Your Majesty…” I heard myself call weakly.

Never mind. A good employee followed the boss wherever he went.

I twisted and dodged after him until we entered a grove. To get the high ground and track his movements, I spent a tremendous effort climbing a tree.

Phew. What a view! Fine scenery in every direction. It made me want to burst into song about the lovely weather.

But where was the emperor?

Damn it, he’d vanished again. Did the man have three legs?

Xiao Cui: “No dirty jokes in the inner palace!”

As I peered around, a deep voice sounded below. “What are you looking for?”

“My husband.”

“What sort of husband are you looking for?”

“Dashing. Incomparable.”

I kept searching the enormous garden for my husband. The man beneath the tree chuckled. “Would I do?”

Brother, are you an idiot? Please stop talking to me. If someone with bad intentions saw us, they’d accuse me of defiling the inner palace and have me executed.

I was about to tell him to give it a rest—I was the emperor’s woman—when I twisted my ankle and tumbled from the tree.

I fell straight into a pair of strong arms and met the emperor’s bright eyes.

“Ah Yuan, why are you so mischievous?”

“Y-Y-Your Majesty!”

I’d searched for him high and low, only for him to reach out and catch my big backside. Boohoo.

Beside us, Xiao Cui wore a leering expression that said, *It’s settled. Someone’s about to get his hands on our precious girl.*