I Climbed into the Emperor's Bed to Save My Brother - Chapter 1
The dragon throne, obviously!
Sure, I didn’t want to work this lousy job for one more day. But I’d already made it to chancellor. The Son of Heaven’s seat was only one step away.
One more push, and this chancellor could turn the tables and sing her own tune.
You had to take a gamble to get ahead. When one person rose, the whole family prospered!
A new ruler on the throne was just around the corner!
Women held up half the sky. If I wanted to change who ruled beneath it, I would!
I went home and gave the feasibility of my plan serious thought.
Then my father hung me up. He didn’t hit me, to be fair, but that wasn’t much comfort.
Ah, the tender slap of a father’s love. What a heartwarming family.
The participants in my hanging—my father, mother, and older sister—put the matter to a vote. By an overwhelming three to zero, they approved the plan for me to climb into the dragon bed.
Damn it. They’d hung me up so I couldn’t vote! What a sinister bunch!
I refused to yield. I made as if to bite through my tongue and die.
My father immediately dove toward the floor, forehead first. Before long, thin trails of red ran down his face.
At some point, my mother had produced a length of white silk and slung it over a ceiling beam. She even shot me a look of heroic resolve.
My delicate older sister, who supposedly couldn’t lift a finger to help herself, raised a long blade, ready to sacrifice herself before my eyes.
All three cried and wailed on a loop for background music.
What a household of loyal martyrs the Xie family was!
“Stop fighting, stop fighting! If you must, take it to the practice hall.”
“No, wait. I mean, stop making a scene!”
I roared, “I’ll climb in! I’ll do it, all right? It’s just the dragon bed!”
Goodbye, my dream of becoming emperor myself. Boohoo.
The world fell silent in an instant.
My father sprang up from the floor. He wiped a finger across the blood on his face and licked it.
“Hmm. This braised-meat sauce is a bit salty.”
Me: …
My mother briskly pulled down the white silk and looped it around my father’s neck. “Put it away. We can use it again next time.”
Me: …
The white silk: So I’m a ceremonial scarf now?
My lovely, frail older sister was different. With one squeeze of her slender hand, the long blade snapped into a short one.
She said solemnly, “Professional stunt. Do not attempt.”
Her solemnity lasted all of three seconds before she broke into a sly grin. “Hehe. That was fun!”
I was a fool, and they’d fooled me. A fool three times over!
Today’s live statistics for the Xie family:
New family members: 0.
New enemies: 4.
What? You want to know where my forever young, forever sharp-tongued older brother was?
The bastard received the imperial decree, packed several cartloads of belongings, gathered an excessive number of pretty women and male attendants, and rode away looking thoroughly pleased with himself.
On his way out, he made a little heart with his fingers. I gave him my middle finger in return.
Brother, you’re being demoted, not going on an incognito inspection tour. Could you show a little less pride? If I were emperor, I’d come down on you too.
“Ah Yuan, just wait. I’ll trace my travels for you in the shape of a knot across the empire.”
No, thanks. Everyone knew the map of his demotions already looked like a tangled knot. It was mortifying.
