Doll Survival Game - Chapter 119 - Part 16

“It feels like there have been a lot of suicides recently, right? There have been several news reports about it.” A young girl’s voice rang out: “I heard that the person who jumped off a building near our home this morning did it because his family’s financial situation was bad and he didn’t get a scholarship this year, so he couldn’t handle it…”

“That’s so melodramatic, what’s the big deal?” Another man’s voice was filled with displeasure.

“When I came back from work, I heard people saying it’s all because of study pressure. How much pressure can there be from attending classes? You all don’t know how lucky you are! Back in our days, sometimes we couldn’t even afford to eat, and we had to trek over mountains before dawn to get to school, wearing the same patched-up clothes for years… Did we complain? Now you have no worries about food and clothing, are healthy, and get driven to school, yet you still complain about pressure.”

The girl’s voice fell silent for a moment, then when it spoke again, it was very soft: “…It’s different.”

“What’s different!” The man’s voice rose, filled with dissatisfaction at being contradicted: “School is easy enough, people who can’t handle even this will have problems in society sooner or later!”

The girl hesitated: “Yeah, you’re right… Dad, I’m going back to my room to pack, I need to return to school later. By the way, is my brother okay? He seemed upset when he came back.”

“He said he wanted to take a nap, didn’t he? I didn’t notice him being upset. He came back with that young man who just moved in across the street. Made a new friend and still upset? Your brother isn’t as easily discouraged as you…” The man’s voice was loud but carried a hint of dissatisfaction: “He’s not a child anymore, he should be stronger!”

The girl hurriedly said okay, then quickly returned to her room.

“……”

The house suddenly became quiet.

Qiu Qiu poked his head out from under the blanket, and he could still see the tragic scene of the person who fell from the building.

His body shrank slightly, and his eyes were blank. He spaced out for a while, then reached out to grab his constantly vibrating phone.

Someone had filmed the suicide and posted the video, and classmates who recognized Qiu Qiu in the video were sending messages to check on him.

Qiu Qiu didn’t feel like responding for now. He got out of bed and walked to the desk by the window, where many sticky notes were pasted, listing things he needed to study and practice.

Below the desk was a locked drawer.

He took out a key from his schoolbag and opened the drawer to retrieve a diary.

He was momentarily dazed, then looked at the diary filled with mundane daily records. He wrote in the diary to record events, without describing his feelings when they happened.

Click.

The sound of the door opening suddenly echoed, and Qiu Qiu’s body trembled. He immediately turned around and saw the man at the door unlocking it with a key.

“Dad…”

Qiu’s father was in middle-aged plumpness, with a rounder physique and thinning hair at the top of his head.

His gaze fell on the notebook in Qiu Qiu’s hand, and he frowned, saying, “Not sleeping, huh… And why lock the door in your own home?”

Qiu Qiu gave a dry laugh: “I didn’t notice, just closed it.”

Qiu’s father put away the key and said, “I need to go back to the company. A newbie messed up something I had finished, so I have to redo it.”

Qiu Qiu nodded and asked, “Will you be back at the usual time?”

“Probably later.” Qiu’s father said, then glanced at the nearby room: “When your sister goes to school, make sure you see her off, and remember you’re about to take the college entrance exam, so don’t wander around.”

Qiu Qiu nodded.

Qiu’s father’s gaze fell on the phone on the bed that vibrated occasionally: “Don’t play on your phone too much, it’s bad for your eyes and distracts from studying.”

Qiu Qiu didn’t explain anything, he obediently nodded: “Okay.”

But as soon as Qiu’s father left, Qiu Qiu quickly grabbed his phone to see who was messaging him, and saw Lin Chi’s name.

He had also watched the video and was asking if Qiu Qiu was okay, with the last message saying, “If you don’t reply, I’ll call.”

With a helpless sigh, Qiu Qiu sat on the edge of the bed and replied: [I’m fine… though it was a bit scary.]

Lin Chi replied instantly: [Do you want to come to school? Stay with everyone!]

Qiu Qiu: [No need, my parents will be home tonight.]

Lin Chi: [Alright!]

Lin Chi: [By the way, the really tall guy next to you in the video… is he your cousin?]

Qiu Qiu was taken aback.

Lin Chi: [You said you don’t have a brother, so he must be your cousin!]

…His tone seemed a bit off.

Qiu Qiu, now adept at interacting with others, was sensitive to people’s words, language, and expressions. He paused for a moment, then hesitantly replied: [I do call him brother…]

Lin Chi seemed relieved: [That’s right! He’s your brother! No wonder!]

Qiu Qiu: […What’s up?]

Lin Chi’s tone relaxed considerably: [Nothing, it’s just that someone posted the video online, and I saw comments saying you were on a date with that guy… Such presumptuous nonsense, clearly you were with us buying books.]

Qiu Qiu was stunned, then replied: [He works at the milk tea shop, I ran into him when I went to buy milk tea.]

[Oh oh!] Lin Chi, satisfied with the explanation, didn’t mind anymore and quickly typed: [By the way, Qiu Qiu, can I borrow your mistake notebook?]

Qiu Qiu: [Okay~ but don’t fold it!]

Lin Chi sent over a simple drawing of a rabbit kneeling and saying okay.

After ending the conversation, Qiu Qiu turned to reply to others. In class, when one person knew something, it didn’t take long for everyone else to know, and he had many friends, so replying to each inquiry took quite a while.

By the time he finished all the conversations, his sister had already packed her things and came out. Qiu Qiu quickly put down his phone: “Sis, I’ll walk you to the bus stop.”

His sister was momentarily surprised, then glanced at Qiu Qiu: “Do you want me to bring you something?”

Qiu Qiu was taken aback.

His sister put down her suitcase: “You only call me sister when you need help. Tell me, what do you want me to bring?”

Qiu Qiu shook his head, smiling: “Nothing.”

His sister looked at him for a moment, then scoffed. She picked up her suitcase: “No need to see me off, you should spend more time studying, the college entrance exam is coming up, isn’t it?”

Qiu Qiu: “It’s just a moment.”

Saying this, he took the suitcase to the door and swiftly changed his shoes.

His sister seemed to remember something, she let go of the suitcase for Qiu Qiu to carry: “Have you gotten to know the new neighbor?”

Qiu Qiu nodded: “Although we officially met today, we get along quite well.”

“That’s great.” His sister seemed distracted: “I envy you, being so easygoing with people…”

Qiu Qiu paused.

His sister suddenly laughed: “You used to be as introverted as me.”

Qiu Qiu said nothing.

The two fell into silence afterward. When they arrived at the station, his sister suddenly asked, “Are you still keeping a diary?”

Qiu Qiu paused slightly, then nodded.

His sister took the suitcase, her expression tinged with emotion. “You’re really brave. Don’t you mind if Mom and Dad read it again?”

“I stopped writing anyway.”

There’s nothing worth reading… The thought flashed through Qiu Qiu’s mind, but then something else occurred to him.

His sister didn’t seem to expect an answer. She turned and entered the station.

Qiu Qiu watched her leave, then quickly turned around. He boarded the return bus, picked a random empty seat, and as his thoughts began to churn, a woman leading a five- or six-year-old child boarded at the door.

There happened to be a two-seater up ahead, so Qiu Qiu withdrew his gaze. But the child suddenly darted toward him: “Mommy, I want to sit here!”

Qiu Qiu was taken aback, and then he felt everyone’s eyes on him, as if the whole bus was watching.

The woman said nothing. The child, noticing that Qiu Qiu hadn’t yielded, simply squeezed over, his voice loud and tinged with tears: “I want to sit here! I want to sit here!”

His shoe was stepped on, leaving a dirty mark. Qiu Qiu looked up and met the woman’s accusing gaze. He froze, suddenly feeling as if he’d done something wrong.

The child kept pushing. Low murmurs of conversation arose around them, indistinct, but Qiu Qiu slowly stood up and gave up the seat.

The child plopped down at once, swinging his legs in triumph.

The woman smiled and sat beside him, saying, “Thank you, kiddo.”

Qiu Qiu’s hand tensed slightly.

Just then, the bus lurched. Qiu Qiu sensed someone approaching.

“Qiu? Is that really you… Come here.” A familiar voice sounded from behind, and at the same time, a hand reached out to steady him.

Qiu Qiu turned around to see Ji Ming, his peach blossom eyes curved in a smile. He was stunned: “Ji Ming-Ge? Why are you here?”

Ji Ming waved his hand lightly, then led Qiu Qiu to sit at the back. “Since I took the day off, I just came out to wander and clear my head.”

Qiu Qiu understood the reason for clearing his head and sat down beside him. “I thought Ji Ming-Ge wouldn’t be afraid.”

“…It’s the first time I’ve seen someone die right in front of me, after all. It’s scary, you know? Not being scared would be abnormal.”

Qiu Qiu dropped his head. “But you still protected me.”

“Because I’m older than you.” Ji Ming said gently, “Shall we add each other as friends? If anything happens, you can tell me.”

Qiu Qiu agreed readily. He took out his phone and exchanged contact info with Ji Ming.

After adding him, Ji Ming put away his phone and repeated, “If anything happens, you can talk to me. I’ll listen to you.”

Qiu Qiu looked up, a little dazed. “Nothing’s wrong with me.”

Ji Ming looked at him and smiled without saying a word.

Qiu Qiu looked away–he really didn’t feel anything was wrong. Even if there was an oppressive feeling, as if his soul was locked in a pitch-black, lightless room, he really didn’t have any problems.

He turned his gaze to the window and reflected–

He was healthy, his family was harmonious, he had lots of friends.

Good grades, good at sports, some musical talent… Not bragging, just stating facts–he was quite popular.

Though he’d been frightened today, thinking about it, there was nothing to be scared of. That person just died, right? It had nothing to do with him.

And in a while, he’d forget… After all, he was someone who could make himself live quite “comfortably.”

Someone like that–what could possibly be wrong with him?

Qiu Qiu hung his head, and the image of the person who fell beside him flashed quickly through his mind. That person had chosen to escape reality, but before escaping, he must have used up all his courage to try and keep living.

After all, if you could live, who wouldn’t want to live?

So…

Why did those people have to say those things?

…Dad too.

How awful, in this instant.

“I’m really fine.” Qiu Qiu stared hard at the scenery flying past the window. “It’s just… I keep thinking, for people who feel they can’t go on even without a major crisis, it doesn’t mean they’re weak or useless.”

Ji Ming seemed surprised, then looked at the little kid chattering in the seat. “Because of what the bystanders said?”

Qiu Qiu didn’t want to talk about his family’s views to someone he’d just met, so he just nodded.

“Of course not.” Ji Ming affirmed with a smile. “Everyone feels pain differently… And a person who wastes away in pain and sickness before dying is different from someone who dies suddenly with only a flash of pain, even if both end up dead. It’s not the same.”

Qiu Qiu didn’t really grasp the connection, but he smiled and nodded anyway. “Yeah! That’s true.”

Ji Ming just smiled and stopped talking, so Qiu Qiu fell silent as well.

Because they lived across the hall, when they got off at the same stop, they went home together. They didn’t say much on the way, but the atmosphere wasn’t awkward–maybe because they’d gone through the events of the morning together.

“If–”

After going upstairs, as Qiu Qiu was putting his key in the lock, Ji Ming suddenly spoke, repeating something similar to what he’d said on the bus: “If anything happens and you have no one to talk to, you can come to me.”

Qiu Qiu nodded blankly, then opened the door and went inside–so why keep saying that?

He was fine.

Or did he really look that bad right now?

Qiu Qiu looked up and caught his reflection in the mirror hanging by the door, and froze. After a moment, he touched his own face–no wonder Ji Ming kept saying that. His expression now really did look pretty bad.

He rubbed his cheeks, walked toward his room, and thought calmly–he was still shaken by the person who jumped, after all…

“You’re back.”

Qiu Qiu’s body stiffened. He looked at the woman coming out of his room. “Mom.”

Did he forget to close the door when he left?

Qiu’s mother nodded. “I wanted to come back early to see your sister off, but she was already gone… Did you have lunch? Are you hungry?”

Qiu Qiu’s face remained unmoved as he walked toward his room. “I ate.”

Qiu’s mother went to the kitchen. “You have to study, right? I’ll cut up some fruit. I just bought some.”

Qiu Qiu didn’t refuse. “Okay, thanks, Mom.”

Qiu’s mother laughed cheerfully. “No need to say thanks in the family.”

Qiu Qiu didn’t close his door again–if he did, he’d probably be questioned about whether he was really studying.

He went to his desk and opened the drawer he’d forgotten to lock when he left. He pulled it open and looked at the diary inside–it had been touched.

But–

Qiu Qiu reached underneath and felt around the bottom of the drawer, where he found another thin notebook.

He paused, then the corners of his lips lifted, revealing an expression that didn’t belong to Qiu Qiu.

Luo Yiran smiled.

–As expected, there was still another diary.