Waterbound Love - Chapter 63
Du Bai leaned against the door outside. Her brother had told her that Shen Yan was too exhausted to be moved. And though he didn’t specify the reason, she could guess.
Muffled voices drifted from inside the room, each sentence an agony, and all she could do was continue to endure it.
“Shen Yan, why are you so good to her? She doesn’t deserve it.”
“Have you looked for her?”
“I-” There was a slight tremble in the voice.
“Didn’t I say? Nobody is to let her know.”
“Ah, Qinqin, you should go back.”
“No, Shen Yan, please don’t send me away. I-I just can’t bear to see you so sad anymore. Believe me, I want her around you less than anyone else does. You know how I feel about you-”
“Qinqin, there are many things you’re aware of, things I can’t explain to you. Let this secret disappear with my death, vanish from the hearts of those who know.”
“Shen Yan, I’m begging you, please don’t talk about dying, don’t even think about it, please. I would really break down.” An Qinqin’s voice was already filled with tears.
“Silly girl, thank you and your father for your help, but you really shouldn’t waste your life on someone like me who’s about to die.”
“Shen Yan, can you hug me?”
“I’m sorry, I-”
“Hehe, actually, I know you’re a woman. Don’t doubt it. Even my father couldn’t confirm your identity, it’s purely a woman’s intuition. I had my doubts, but ultimately, my affection for you won. I don’t know why you chose to live as a man. I won’t ask; I’ll just silently like you, protect you in my own way. Will you accept that?”
Outside, Du Bai and inside, An Qinqin, both harbored a nervous heart, each holding onto different hopes, waiting for the same person’s response.
Inside the room, there was only silence. Du Bai could hardly bear it any longer, slowly sliding down the wall to sit on the floor.
“I’m sorry, I can’t promise anyone a future.” Du Bai knew that Shen Yan’s words were not just for An Qinqin; her heart must have been full of tears when she said them.
“I never asked you for a future.”
“I’ve been thinking for a long time, but I can’t remember anything. My mind is filled with her. I know that until the end of my life, my heart will not let her go. That’s not fair to you.”
“What if I said I don’t mind?”
“Hehe, I understand now, I am not her.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, can you hug me one last time, just as a final bit of warmth?” The voice was choked with sobs and longing.
Outside the hospital room, Du Bai hugged herself tightly, burying her head in her knees. Through the gaps, tears fell and shattered on the floor. Everything around her seemed ethereal and intangible.
Inside the hospital room, An Qinqin held Shen Yan close. “Shen Yan, I will use all my strength to make you happy in the time you have left, even if that happiness does not come from me. Your devotion to your love is unwavering, and my guardianship of you is just as steadfast. When the dust settles, let it be as if nothing has happened.”
As An Qinqin stepped out of the room, she saw Du Bai immersed in grief. Du Bai’s figure lacked its usual aloofness, displaying a forlornness that evoked a protective and tender impulse in An Qinqin. “Du Ruo, I would like to talk to you.”
Du Bai slowly lifted her head, her eyes confused and filled with sorrow, like a pearl stuck in honey, unable to move, thick and dense-a presence that could not be ignored despite not being acutely painful.
The afternoon seemed long yet unusually calm, like a lake occasionally rippled by a spring breeze but quickly smoothed over again, much like the story Qinqin was telling.
An Qinqin spoke of the time Shen Yan woke from a car accident involving Ji Feiling, feeling abnormal pain all over her body, only to be diagnosed with metastatic bone cancer. Stubborn as ever, Shen Yan had insisted on staying by her side. What Du Bai didn’t know was that Shen Yan had fainted from pain right after leaving her hospital room.
An Qinqin said that Shen Yan had always craved her love but struggled upon learning of her condition. She had thought about telling her, perhaps influenced by her own experiences, but ultimately Shen Yan couldn’t bear to and chose to withdraw from all her emotions towards her, thus leading to An Qinqin’s unexpected presence. Shen Yan suffered more during those moments of Du Bai’s heartache, uncertain of whether Du Bai truly loved her, yet she had to push her away, like Somn, like-
An Qinqin told Du Bai that during the four months Du Bai spent in Japan, Shen Yan began her treatments, all her efforts aimed at protecting Du Bai. Fearing that Wei Wen might seek revenge, Du Bai had hired private security, and Shen Yan meticulously researched every location Du Bai visited, sending useful information to the bodyguards. Shen Yan’s happiest moments were when she received nightly photos from the bodyguards, photos of Du Bai looking solitary yet peaceful, reassuring her that her decision was right.
Shao visited her daily because through her conversations with Shao, Shen Yan could hear the voices she had longed for. Happiness radiated from her face, unbreakable and dazzling.
An Qinqin’s biggest regret was not being more cautious, not anticipating every possible mishap. The day Du Bai left Japan, an unexpected early rise caught the bodyguards off guard. They had grown accustomed to her routine; even Shao couldn’t reach her by phone. At that point, Shen Yan, always so composed and calm, had stormed into Wei Wen’s office, confronting him loudly and even coming to blows, despite her frail health. Later, she flew to Japan herself to find Du Bai, keeping herself busy. In her spare moments, she fell into deep self-blame, though it was not her fault at all.
Eventually, after learning that Du Bai had safely returned to S city, Shen Yan could finally relax. Like a kite with its string cut, her tightly wound nerves loosened, and her condition worsened to the point where even walking caused excruciating pain.
Outside the hospital room, Du Bai hugged herself tightly, her head buried in her knees. Through the gaps between her knees, tears fell and shattered on the ground. Everything around her seemed intangible and fleeting.
Inside the room, An Qinqin held onto Shen Yan. “Shen Yan, I will do everything in my power to ensure that you find happiness in the rest of your life, even if I am not the source of that happiness. You are steadfast in your love, and I will never abandon my duty to watch over you. When it’s all settled, I’ll be at peace.”
An Qinqin emerged from the room and saw Du Bai, immersed in sorrow. She no longer bore the cool demeanor she once had. Her desolation was heart-wrenching, making anyone want to hold her and protect her gently. “Du Bai, I want to talk to you.”
Du Bai slowly looked up, bewildered, at An Qinqin, her eyes filled with sorrow that wouldn’t dissipate. It felt like trying to move a pearl trapped in honey-thick, sticky, impossible to ignore, yet overwhelmingly present.
That afternoon seemed to stretch on, yet it was oddly calm, like a lake occasionally stirred by a spring breeze, only to be smoothed over again. Much like the story An Qinqin was telling.
An Qinqin recounted how after a car accident involving Ji Feiling, Shen Yan awoke in agonizing pain and was diagnosed with metastatic bone cancer. During that time, Shen Yan was steadfastly by your side. What you didn’t know was that every time she left your room, she would faint from the pain she endured. Back then, she endured so much agony.
An Qinqin mentioned that Shen Yan always longed for your love, but when she discovered her condition, she struggled. She wanted to tell you but in the end, because of your past experiences, she couldn’t bear to burden you with her emotions. Thus, I became the inexplicable presence in your life. Many things were done for your sake. When you felt heartache, Shen Yan felt even worse. Even though she wasn’t sure if you loved her, she still pushed you away, like somn, like…
An Qinqin shared with Du Bai how Shen Yan started her treatment during the four months you were in Japan. All the time she fought for was for you. Afraid of Wei Wen’s retaliation, she hired private bodyguards to follow you. Whenever you went to a new place, she carefully studied the geography and mailed anything she found useful to your bodyguards. Her happiest moments were receiving photos of you, captured by the bodyguards while you were out. Though you looked lonely in the photos, you were at peace, which made her feel that her choice was right.
Shao visited her every day. Through your conversations with Shao, she could hear the voices she had missed for so long. Back then, the smile on her face was a shine that seemed unbreakable.
An Qinqin expressed that her biggest regret was not being more cautious, not anticipating every unforeseen event. The day you left Japan, you got up unexpectedly early, catching the bodyguards off guard as they had become accustomed to your routine. When Shao tried to contact you, they couldn’t reach you. Shen Yan stopped her treatment to find you. Such a calm person, she barged into Wei Wen’s office, angrily demanding answers and even resorted to physical confrontation. She was already sick, yet later she flew to Japan herself, keeping busy only to fall into deep guilt during idle moments, though it wasn’t her fault.
Eventually, they learned you had safely returned to H City. Shen Yan relaxed her strained nerves, yet it was like a kite falling down, with the string suddenly cut. Her condition worsened, every step excruciatingly painful.
The couple you helped used their connections with the police to locate you, allowing Shen Yan some peace of mind. By then, she already needed a wheelchair. Once a month, she could go out. Those days were her happiest. She would stand as close to you as possible, gazing silently at the patterns on your curtain, hoping for a glimpse of you, however brief. Even if most times, she couldn’t see you.
Later, you disappeared again. Your brother told Shen Yan you had gone to Japan. She continued waiting downstairs from where you once lived, staring at the familiar curtain patterns, imagining you were still there, that you were still close by. One day, the curtain moved. She was filled with anticipation, her eyes bright, but upon seeing the revealed face, her gaze dimmed. I know because I was there with her, as she watched you, I watched her.
I’ll never forget that day. At dusk, the sunset cast a warm glow on her figure, yet I felt only desolation. After that, she never went back. The dream was shattered; she couldn’t deceive herself any longer.
In Shen Yan’s remaining time, she picked up the Japanese geography books she had set aside. She knew the land better than locals, keeping up with Japanese political news. Even during holidays like the Spring Festival, she continued.
On Valentine’s Day, I accompanied her to buy a bouquet of 999 roses. After buying them, she said, “How can this symbolize eternal love? The one thing I lack is time.” She gave me the flowers, and all the joy I had anticipated was washed away. She returned to her hospital room, carrying her hopes and despairs like the flowers you once sent.
She never underwent chemotherapy. She said if she was going to die, she preferred an easier death. Chemotherapy was too unsightly, and she feared losing her last shred of dignity, knowing you despised ugliness.
On March 11, Shen Yan learned of the earthquake in Japan. She called Du Xing to ask about you, but all flights to Japan were canceled. She considered chartering a plane, but no pilot dared to fly there. She faced rejection repeatedly. She even thought of leveraging her family’s military connections to use a military aircraft, but international protocols halted her. Driven by desperation, she wanted to join the rescue team just to confirm your safety, even though she couldn’t due to the aftershocks. With her mother’s consent, I gave her a sedative. Everyone knew the toll it takes on the body, but without it, her heart would break.
On March 14, during an episode, she saw your message. Her initial joy was overwhelmed by its content. She removed all IV drips, telling me she needed to find you because you were in trouble. No one could stop her, not even when her mother slapped her.
During a call with your brother, she confirmed her fear. Despite her condition and pain, with unwavering resolve, she had a driver take her on a long journey to H City. I accompanied her, providing a police escort for the fastest route. She lay resting on my lap, whispering, “I’m not tired, I’ll just sleep a bit; remember to wake me when we arrive. Don’t slow down, don’t make me start to hate you.”
Even then, her sleep was restless, and I couldn’t smooth the frown on her brow.
An Qinqin recounted many things Du Bai was unaware of, her calm tone unable to mask her tears or the turmoil within.
She asked you to accompany Shen Yan through her remaining time in peace.
She pleaded for you to give Shen Yan a bit of happiness, even just a little.
She said-
Du Bai could no longer absorb her words, as if she saw the defiant face of the girl beneath the tree, hiding her vulnerability and longing, yet unable to fully conceal it.
