Waterbound Love - Chapter 36

Du Bai sighed deeply, leaning back into the chair and holding her forehead. Now she understood the depth of the hurt she had inflicted, striving for perfection but revealing her true feelings in the details. She now realized why the final request had always been to order a Blue Mountain for her; why the act of pouring out orange juice after breakfast seemed to force a smile in her presence, only to fade into a somber mood later.

Du Bai had been cruel, inadvertently hurting those who deeply loved and stood by her.

Raising her hand, the waitress slowly approached. “Hello, is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Miss, could you bring another glass of orange juice, please?” Du Bai instructed. Lian Yinyun’s expression eased slightly, but Du Bai wasn’t pleased. To tell the truth, this gesture wasn’t purely out of compassion; it was about avoiding further pain, questioning if this was her final act of kindness.

Through the window, Du Bai stared fixedly at the fountain in the plaza, as if the images of the past were swirling in the air, the sprites seemingly scattering warm pollen across the sky.

That afternoon, a profound and extended fantasy had taken her by surprise, revealing how her desires had changed over time.

Du Bai wondered what she had done to deserve the tears of so many women, especially since the one before her was the one she had struggled the most to let go. Her hand touched those once-beloved eyes, finding no trace of a smile. “Wipe your tears,” seemed to be the last thing Du Bai could do for her.

Touching her eyes, the fluttering eyelashes brought a slight itch, the warmth from her fingertips felt so familiar.

The issue between us was never about your marriage; it never was. It was my cowardice, my pursuit of happiness, and my tendency to flee once I attained it, only to retreat into a self-pitying solitude.

You are like a sunflower-warm and serene. I bleached my hair very blonde, shining like gold. Now I understand that I am not the sun; I don’t have the power to pull you in. I am the rust that thrives in the dark, something you cannot accept.

I still love your curved, smiling eyes.

Don’t cry for me, as I can’t bear it.

I walked toward you, toward a foreseeable end. You walked toward me, toward an unforeseeable beginning. The storms to come are beyond your expectations. I can’t bear to make you cry over me.

Your tenderness needs to be fully cherished. I’ve guarded you for so long that it became a way of life. From now on, I will get used to a life without guarding.

For many years thereafter, Du Bai’s consciousness remained hazy. She seemed to have said a lot, yet perhaps said nothing at all. She only remembers turning away, seeing her tear-stained reflection in the glass showcase.

The stone in her hand emitted a dazzling color, wet and sticky, just like her heart. Du Bai threw it into the fountain, where the shallow water sparkled with starry light. The stone settled among the coins, dying the water with streaks of red, slowly spreading and then fading away.

Like love, like memories. Like dense ink in water, drawing a beautiful arc as it dissipates. Gone once it’s gone.

Give me the silence of a blooming flower, let me settle in the reminiscence of the past, and converse freely with my own heart.

I’ve long understood that I am always chasing what cannot be had, am I not? Just too stubborn to admit it.

Now, all these seem to be drifting away with the wind.

Lian Yinyun watched Du Bai’s figure through the showcase, unable to stop crying. Is it really over? Why this reluctance?

She should have known the moment she realized Shen Yan’s relationship with Du Bai that nothing was possible between her and Du Bai.

She doesn’t hate Shen Yan; it was her own fault from the start, unable to grasp others’ emotions, much less her own.

Her own tests, her indecisions, were just diminishing her own image in her heart repeatedly. It’s really unbearable, this resignation.

How should I put it? She doesn’t really understand Du Bai, does she? This infatuation was doomed to vanish. Entangled with too many emotions, it was never blessed.

And this ending, like so many curses come true before, could it bring a moment of joy to those once hurt and cursed by it?

Is this a kind of justice?

I don’t know, I really don’t. Who can ever make sense of matters of the heart?

“Why would anyone give him business willingly? Have you found out who it is?” Du Bai asked, furrowing her brows as she held the documents, addressing Shen Yan who sat on the office chair.

At the banquet, their actions should have been noticeable to many, and even though she wasn’t a person of great importance, her wishes represented the entire Du Family. It was known that Du Zhangde adored his precious granddaughter, Du Ruo, the most. Her two brothers, who held promising positions in politics, followed her lead implicitly. If she opposed and interfered using the Du Family’s influence, these businessmen would stand to lose significantly. This, combined with the backing of the Shen Corporation, should deter them from acting rashly. The saying goes, there is no business without deceit; Du Bai couldn’t believe these businessmen were so shortsighted as to offend both the Shen Family and the Du Family for short-term gains. Or did they think her too kind and harmless?

The Shen Family was quite complex among the families in the large compound, blending politics and business. Master Shen had two sons and a daughter. The elder son took over Master Shen’s responsibilities and was a notable figure in the political arena. The younger son, Shen Yan’s father, started from scratch and carved out his own territory in the business world, creating the now awe-inspiring Shen Corporation. Whether his start was truly from scratch is not up for debate here. He had a set of twins, and Shen Yan was one of them.

“It was Wei Wen, the second son of the Wei Family,” Shen Yan said quietly, watching Du Bai to gauge her reaction.

Du Bai gave a faint smile, showing no emotion, and said, “I never thought I’d be so unlucky as to be used by others. But I’m curious to see whether that person will end up gaining or losing in the end.” She then took out her phone.

“Hello, Mr. Li, this is Du Ruo. Could you please tell Old Wei that I will visit him tomorrow?”

“Okay, goodbye.” After hanging up, Du Bai pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Du Bai, what are you planning to do?” Shen Yan had already moved in front of Du Bai, gripping her tightly. She knew, she knew what she was planning to do; how could she be so naive as to think she was her only help? Yet, when it actually happened, she still couldn’t help but try to stop her.

Du Bai looked steadily at Shen Yan, the woman who had weathered storms with her, who stubbornly protected her despite the hardships, allowing her to live a clean life. But what she didn’t know was, in this world, who could truly be clean?

This person, who always hoped to receive love from the one she adored, was exploited and hurt, yet she remained sweetly devoted. She couldn’t provide what was hoped for, but perhaps there was another way to make amends. Du Bai had made up her mind. She would release Shen Yan from her own cage, as a way to compensate for her shortcomings. Ultimately, she couldn’t bear to see her get hurt again.

“Shen Yan.” Her hand caressed Shen Yan’s cheek, tenderly tracing her eyebrows, her eyes, her nose, her lips.

Shen Yan just stood silently, utterly enchanted. Her hand moved along her jawline, grazing her neck. Shen Yan swallowed hard, her eyes hazy as she looked at Du Bai, whose hand continued to drift downward.

“Du Bai,” Shen Yan caught Du Bai’s hand, stopping her wandering touch, whispering softly. Her voice was slightly hoarse, mixed with a hint of anticipation and a stronger note of reluctance, which truly annoyed Shen Yan. Du Bai just smiled, gently pressing her lips against Shen Yan’s hand, then pulled it around her waist, tip-toed, and kissed Shen Yan’s tender lips. Shen Yan stiffened momentarily, her mind went blank as if struck by lightning, her body electrified, suppressing emotions with no outlet. Moments later, moved, she closed her eyes and held Du Bai tightly. She wouldn’t see, after her emotional response, Du Bai opened her eyes, clear and bright. Their night began like this. It was unclear whether this was the start of an end or the end of a beginning.

Waking up in the morning, Du Bai looked at Shen Yan beside her, her innocent sleeping face unguarded, no longer bearing the gentle and resolute demeanor of before. Du Bai looked at the naked person in her arms and chuckled softly; she probably didn’t know that Du Bai had stayed awake all night. Du Bai knew her own insecurity; without clothes, she simply couldn’t sleep, even with someone else beside her.

Gently extracting herself, she picked up the wrinkled clothes from the floor. Glancing back, she saw bloodstains on the bed, like two dazzling, flamboyant flowers blooming, indistinguishable as to whose they were.

Du Bai chuckled lightly. It seemed even in such circumstances, she was still someone who hated being at a loss. Without much emotion, in Du Bai’s mind, this was merely a physical first time, nothing particularly special about not holding back. If it could bring peace to Shen Yan and tranquility to herself, why not?

Perhaps in ancient times, she would have been the type to be thrown into a Drowning in Pig Cage¹, or maybe she really had no sense of chastity. Pretending to be lofty or pure was something she truly couldn’t do.

As Du Bai closed the door behind her, Shen Yan opened her eyes, staring fixedly at the ceiling, her expression neither sad nor happy, just like her heart. Unsure what to feel, sad? Joyful? She really didn’t know.

Footnote:

1. Drowning in Pig Cage(浸猪笼):“Drowning in Pig Cage” was an ancient Chinese punishment primarily used for women accused of adultery. The accused would be placed in a bamboo cage and then submerged in water. This punishment reflects the severe societal condemnation of infidelity at the time.