Vulgar Love - Chapter 6
When I came out of the restroom, Gu Shaoheng was waiting outside.
He leaned casually against the marble-tiled wall, wearing a simple white shirt and jeans, yet exuding an air of elegance.
Just as I remembered him.
He heard the sound and turned his head to look at me, his gaze cold, the corners of his mouth downturned, and asked, “Fang Suiran, are you feeling proud of yourself?”
I gave him a puzzled look.
His tone was calm, as if he was trying hard to suppress his emotions: “Seeing me find someone who looks so much like you, seeing how even though we broke up five years ago, I still can’t forget you-does that make you proud?”
Suddenly, I found it all meaningless. He probably wouldn’t believe me, but if I had known tonight would turn out like this, I wouldn’t have come no matter what.
He said it himself-five years. I thought we had both already moved on.
To me, he’s just an ordinary friend.
I sighed. “You always trample on other people’s sincerity like this. I’m not proud, Gu Shaoheng. If you don’t like Qin Manman, don’t hurt her, and don’t hurt yourself either. If you do like her, then treat her well.”
“Treat her well?” He suddenly laughed, self-mockingly: “When you’re not around, I lie to myself by looking for your shadow in Qin Manman.”
“But today, seeing you two sit together, I realized she isn’t like you at all.”
“No, her appearance is somewhat similar, but why is it that when she’s with you, she feels like a cheap knockoff from Yiwu, the kind that costs only 9.9 yuan with free shipping?”
“How could I use her as your substitute and insult you?”
“Gu Shaoheng-” My gaze shifted from Qin Manman behind him to his face. Maybe we’d been out for a while, because Qin Manman had come looking for us, and she heard every word Gu Shaoheng just said.
She staggered back a couple of steps, reaching out to steady herself against the wall. I saw her eyes suddenly redden, and she just stared blankly at Gu Shaoheng’s back.
My emotions had always been calm and indifferent, but at this moment, I couldn’t help but let some anger show: “After all this time, you still haven’t learned how to respect others.”
“No one is anyone’s substitute. Qin Manman is not a cheap knockoff, but you are still the same as always-like trash.”
After I finished, I didn’t look at him. I brushed past him and Qin Manman, went back to the private room, greeted my friends, picked up my bag, and left.
The next day, I got a call from Gu Shaoheng. Even though I embarrassed him like that, he wasn’t angry. He even apologized to me, sounding a bit humble, saying he shouldn’t have used Qin Manman to test me and make things awkward for me.
He laughed: “Suiran, let me buy you a meal, as an apology?”
He still didn’t understand-I didn’t feel embarrassed at all.
I just felt angry, and my anger wasn’t because Gu Shaoheng was so attentive to Qin Manman in front of me.
I was just angry that after all this time, he still hadn’t learned to respect others.
He clearly doesn’t understand what it means to like or to love, yet insists on trampling on it again and again.
I told him I was busy, then hung up the phone with a blank expression.
I saw Qin Manman a week after that call.
My assistant told me there was a girl outside looking for me, then gossiped, “Sister Fang, she looks a lot like you. Do you have a younger sister? How come you’ve never mentioned her?”
I put down the slide under the microscope, thought for a moment, and decided to go out and see her.
To be honest, I didn’t have much of an impression of Qin Manman, nor was I interested in interacting with her. I could even guess why she came to see me-it was nothing more than Gu Shaoheng.
I’m very busy. After returning to China, I was hired by the Institute of Biology at the Chinese Academy of Sciences in City A. I’ve devoted my life to biological research, and all I want is to quietly do my work.
I have no desire to get involved in emotional entanglements that don’t interest me.
I went out to see Qin Manman because I remembered her pale face and red eyes in the hallway that day, and the obvious heartbreak in her eyes as she looked at Gu Shaoheng’s back.
I told myself, just think of it as accumulating virtue.
When Qin Manman saw me coming out, she immediately stood up from the long bench, looking a bit uneasy, her eyes brimming with obvious tears. But thank heavens, she didn’t rush over to hug me and cry. She just stood there and said softly, “Miss Fang, I’m sorry to bother you. I didn’t want to come to you.”
The tears that had been welling in her eyes fell silently. She looked like a lost lamb, helpless and sad. “I… I just… Gu Shaoheng suddenly wants to break up with me. I know he’s always loved you. I just wanted to ask you, did you two get back together?”
I shook my head and said, “No.”
She let out a sigh of relief and quickly smiled through her tears, saying hurriedly, “I’m sorry.” After that, she looked at me carefully with envious eyes. “I really envy you. Gu Shaoheng loves you so much. I’d give anything to have Gu Shaoheng’s love. Everyone longs for him, but it seems like you’re the only one who’s indifferent to him.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, and in her confused gaze, I asked in return, “You think Gu Shaoheng loves me deeply?”
I looked at the marble tiles behind her and smiled. “He probably does love me, but not as much as you imagine.” I paused and asked her, “Did you come to see me just to ask this?”
She was stunned for a moment, then said, “No.”
She told me that Gu Shaoheng truly loved me, that when she first met him, he was dead drunk, calling my name. She said he often stared at her face in a daze, lost in thought. She mentioned the tattoo on his wrist, how he would often stare at a foreign number but never dared to call, and how devoted and faithful he was to me.
Finally, with tears in her eyes, she said, “Miss Fang, I don’t know what misunderstanding you have with him, but Shaoheng really loves you. I’ve never seen him love anyone like this. Even though he’s with me, I know he’s only looking at you through me. No matter what misunderstanding there is between you, I hope… could you give him another chance?”
I looked quietly into her tearful eyes and asked coldly, “Do you feel very noble for coming to say these things to me today?”
Her tearful expression froze, as if she hadn’t expected my indifference. But I was genuinely puzzled. I asked, “You and Gu Shaoheng-do you really know how to love someone?”
“You all say Gu Shaoheng loves me. How does he love me? Is it being unable to settle down when he’s with me, or finding a substitute after we broke up and calling that unwavering devotion? And you, you like Gu Shaoheng so much that you belittle yourself, imitate someone else’s traces, humble yourself into the dust, and now you come to me with these words, begging me to give Gu Shaoheng a chance. I want to ask, on what grounds and in what capacity are you saying this to me?”
“Gu Shaoheng’s girlfriend?”
“In your hearts, do you think you’re especially noble, especially devoted, especially self-sacrificing for love? But where is your love?”
“In my understanding, love is equality, respect, reliance, loyalty, responsibility, and a decision made after careful thought. But you treat it like a child’s game, thinking it can be replaced, yielded, or shared. Who are you trying to move with all this?”
She stared at me blankly. I said:
“My time is precious, Miss Qin. The reason I’m willing to spend an hour today patiently listening to all this nonsense is just to settle things once and for all. Gu Shaoheng and I are already in the past. I have never been the obstacle between you two.”
“Love yourself first, then love others.”
“That’s my final advice to you.”
I turned away. That was the last time I saw Qin Manman.
