Chapter 5

Chapter 5

After we came back from the hospital, I kept my distance from Zhou Yan for three days.

During those three days, Liang Xu messaged me every day.

He started getting nostalgic.

He sent me photos of restaurants we used to visit.

He sent me a picture of an old scarf I’d left at his place.

He even sent a photo.

In it was the lighter I had once given him.

“Still here.”

I stared at those two words.

It was strange.

Back then, even the smallest response from him could make me happy for a long time.

Now, I only felt tired.

On the evening of the fourth day, Liang Xu asked to meet.

He said that if I didn’t go, he would lay everything out for everyone to hear.

So I went.

The place was the bar we used to frequent.

Liang Xu was sitting in our old spot.

The moment I walked in, he stood up.

“You’ve lost weight.”

I sat down.

“Get to the point.”

He looked at me, as if a little hurt.

“Is this the only way we can talk now?”

I almost laughed out loud.

“What else? Hold each other and cry?”

Liang Xu’s hand froze around his glass.

A waiter brought over a cup of warm water.

I looked at it.

In the past, he had only ever ordered iced liquor for me.

Now he knew to get warm water.

People were so strange.

Only after losing someone could even belated thoughtfulness be performed like deep affection.

Liang Xu said, “End things with Zhou Yan.”

“On what grounds?”

“He isn’t right for you.”

“Then who is? You?”

Liang Xu frowned.

“Shen Que, I didn’t come here to argue.”

“Then what did you come here for?”

His grip tightened around the glass.

“I admit I didn’t handle the breakup well.”

I met his gaze.

“Didn’t handle it well?”

“I was too exhausted back then. Your emotions were too heavy. You needed me to prove everything. I couldn’t breathe.”

I’d heard that before.

On the day we broke up, he’d said the same thing.

He said, Shen Que, you need love too much.

As if that were my fault.

I asked him, “So can you breathe now?”

Liang Xu’s expression shifted slightly.

“I know you resent me. But you shouldn’t have gone to Zhou Yan.”

“Why?”

“Because he isn’t the kind of person you think he is.”

I laughed.

“Then what kind of person is he?”

Liang Xu stared at me.

“He likes you.”

The music in the bar was very low.

But those words seemed to tear something open all at once.

My fingertips stiffened.

Liang Xu said, “He has for a long time.”

I said nothing.

“He noticed you on your very first day in the club.”

“That day, you handed your registration form to the classroom next door. He was the one who took it to the office for you.”

“Later, he asked me if I could not pursue you.”

Liang Xu gave a short laugh.

“I thought it was ridiculous at the time.”

“Do people have to line up for something like liking someone?”

“You think he’s playing along with you now because he doesn’t care? Shen Que, he’s better at calculating than you are.”

“He was just waiting for things between us to get as ugly as possible so he could take over.”

“Getting close to him now is just jumping from one pit into another.”

I listened, and my heart slowly went cold.

“So?”

Liang Xu froze.

I asked, “Is it so awful that he likes me?”

Liang Xu frowned.

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?”

“He’s my friend.”

At that, I finally laughed.

“Liang Xu, you don’t want to save me.”

I didn’t avoid his eyes.

“You just can’t accept that the person who has always stood behind you might one day look past you and see me.”

Liang Xu’s face changed completely.

I picked up my bag and stood.

He grabbed my arm.

“Shen Que, I regret it.”

I stopped.

I had waited a long time for that sentence.

The first week after we broke up, I waited.

When he brought someone new into our circle, I waited.

Even when I scrolled through our chat history late at night until my fingers went numb, I waited.

But now that I heard it, all I felt was how absurd it was.

I looked back.

“Regret what?”

Liang Xu’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

“Regret letting you go.”

“No.”

Little by little, I pulled my hand free.

“What you regret is that Zhou Yan reached out his hand.”

When I walked out of the bar, it was raining outside.

I hadn’t brought an umbrella.

And I didn’t call a car.

The rain was freezing, striking my face like slaps.

I walked along the street for a long time before finally stopping at an intersection.

My phone screen was lit.

I pulled up Zhou Yan’s number, but I couldn’t bring myself to press it.

I didn’t know what I wanted to ask.

Ask if he had liked me since a long time ago?

Ask why he never said anything?

Ask whether his closeness to me now was really because he liked me, or because of the pleasure of finally beating Liang Xu?

Suddenly, an incoming call appeared on the screen.

Zhou Yan.

I answered.

His end was very quiet.

“Where are you?”

I didn’t speak.

“Shen Que.”

His voice lowered.

“It’s raining.”

My nose suddenly stung.

“Zhou Yan.”

“Mm.”

“Did you already know I would call you?”

He was silent for two seconds.

“I hoped you would.”