Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I ran from Zhou Yan’s place.

Yes. Ran.

I didn’t thank him.

I didn’t say goodbye, either.

After Liang Xu left, I grabbed my bag and walked out.

Zhou Yan didn’t stop me.

He only stood at the door and asked, “Shen Que, what are you so afraid of?”

I didn’t answer.

I was afraid of too many things.

Afraid that when Zhou Yan said he “couldn’t bear to,” he meant it.

Afraid that he didn’t.

Even more afraid that I would actually believe him.

When I got home, I threw myself onto my bed.

My phone lit up the whole night.

Liang Xu sent a lot of messages.

At first, he cursed at me.

Then his tone softened.

“I went too far just now.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Can we talk, okay?”

The last one came at one in the morning.

“Shen Que, don’t get tangled up with Zhou Yan. He’s more complicated than you think.”

I stared at it for a long time.

Then I replied.

“What are you afraid of?”

He didn’t answer again.

The next day, I went to work.

I thought I could pretend just fine.

But at noon, in the break room, I heard two coworkers chatting.

“I heard he hooked up with his ex’s friend.”

“That juicy?”

“Everyone in their circle is talking about it. They say he couldn’t get over the breakup, so he’s doing it on purpose to disgust his ex.”

“That’s so ugly.”

I stood outside the door, holding my coffee.

The heat burned my fingers until they hurt.

So the mouths in our shared friend group moved faster than I’d imagined.

I pushed the door open.

The two of them shut up instantly.

Smiling, I set my coffee on the counter.

“Go on.”

No one spoke.

I looked at them.

“Your version isn’t complete. Let me add something.”

Their faces changed.

I said, “Not only did I hook up with my ex’s friend, I even stayed at his place. Remember to add that next time you spread it around. It’ll make you look well-informed.”

With that, I picked up my coffee and left.

The moment I turned around, my hand shook so hard I almost lost my grip on the cup.

Did I not care?

No.

I cared so much it hurt.

I just couldn’t lose.

When I got off work that afternoon, I saw Zhou Yan downstairs outside the office building.

He was leaning against his car, wearing a dark trench coat.

Very conspicuous.

And very much not the time or place.

I walked over.

“What are you doing here?”

“Picking you up.”

“Who told you to pick me up?”

“I wanted to.”

“Then you must have a lot of free time.”

Zhou Yan looked at the bag of medicine in my hand.

“Your stomach hurts again?”

I hid the bag behind my back.

“What’s it got to do with you?”

“Nothing.”

He said, “But you didn’t eat lunch.”

I froze.

“How do you know that?”

“Your assistant posted on Moments. She ordered three meals and said one of them was untouched.”

I almost laughed out of anger.

“You even look at my assistant’s Moments?”

“She’s my cousin.”

Me: “…”

This damn world was too small.

Zhou Yan glanced at the company entrance.

“There’s one more thing.”

“What?”

“I’m parked here on purpose, so they can see.”

My head snapped up.

His voice was very low.

“Don’t let them talk about only you.”

Zhou Yan opened the car door.

“Get in.”

“I’m not going to your place.”

“We’re going to the hospital.”

“I’m not going.”

He looked at me.

“You can keep acting tough. Then tonight, when it hurts so much you can’t sleep, you can come back to work tomorrow and keep acting like you’re doing great.”

His words made my chest feel blocked and heavy.

“Zhou Yan, do you think I’m especially ridiculous?”

“No.”

“Then why do you always act like you know everything?”

“Because I’ve seen you too many times.”

I looked up.

Zhou Yan lowered his eyes.

“Liang Xu’s birthday. Dinners. New Year’s Eve. Friends’ weddings.”

“You were always sitting beside him.”

“When he talked to other people, you’d lower your head and play with a coaster.”

“When he forgot you couldn’t eat spicy food, you’d say you suddenly wanted some water.”

“When he was late, you’d make excuses for him.”

He spoke very slowly.

Every sentence felt like a shard picked out of those old days.

A chill ran through me as I listened.

So all those humiliating little moments I thought no one had seen-someone had been watching all along.

I asked, “Then why didn’t you say anything back then?”

Zhou Yan’s gaze fell.

“I didn’t have the right.”

Suddenly, I wanted badly to ask.

What about now?

Do you have the right now?

But I didn’t ask.

I was afraid he’d say yes.

Even more afraid he’d say no.

Just then, my phone lit up.

Liang Xu had sent a screenshot from a project group chat.

Zhou Yan’s name had been circled.

Below it was only one line.

“Do you really want to drag him down with you?”