chapter 2

A few days later, Pei Second Son returned to the Military Camp.

Not long after he left, I brought a lawsuit against my father, Xue Shouren, at the Yamen.

It all started when, while I was at the riverside at the edge of the village washing clothes with Xiaotao, he pretended to visit the Pei family with a bag of pastries, tricking Grandmother into coming to see her daughter, and then turned the house upside down.

The money box hidden in the wardrobe, thirteen taels and six qian, and the jade bracelet left by Aunt-all our family’s possessions-were stolen clean by him.

Later, I found out that, just as I had suspected, his claim of quitting gambling was a lie, the donkey cart was rented, and he wanted to trick me into marrying the old widower Yang Laizi, who ran a leather shop in the county town, and had already accepted five taels of betrothal silver from him.

That day, blinded by rage, I grabbed a kitchen knife and walked twenty li to the county town.

At the gambling house, I dragged that emaciated, skeletal old man to the Yamen.

In Great Chu, a child suing their own father is considered “rebellion,” and those guilty of serious rebellion are sentenced to hanging.

From the moment Xue Shouren entered the Yamen, his hands began to tremble uncontrollably.

The County Magistrate, with his eight-character beard, listened to my statement, squinted, and said, “Well, Xue Yu, though you are now a wife of the Pei family, you were once a daughter of the Xue family. If you insist on suing your father, it violates filial piety. After I pass judgment, you will be punished with twenty strokes of the staff. Do you still wish to proceed?”

“Yes! I want to accuse Xue Shouren of West Slope Village, Yun’an County, Taozhou Prefecture, of conspiring with gamblers to sell his wife to a brothel, causing my mother Li to hang herself, and embezzling her dowry.”

“Do you have any evidence?”

“When Li died, this Common Woman was seven years old and has no evidence.”

“Then it’s just your word.”

“Then this Common Woman will accuse Xue Shouren of attempting to sell his daughter twice, violating official regulations.”

“Your father betrothed you to the Pei family with a matchmaker as witness; that does not count as selling. The betrothal silver from Yang Laizi at the leather shop has been fully returned, so it’s not a case of selling the daughter twice. No crime is established.”

“Stealing the Pei family’s money in broad daylight-is that a crime?”

“Naturally. The great hall is impartial; I will not favor anyone. But Xue Shouren’s theft was because you are a Pei family wife, so there is a reason. I will order him to return the Pei family’s money, and that will be the end of it. How about that?”

“He has no money; he’s gambled it all away.”

“Then let him sign a debt note, witnessed by the Yamen, so he cannot deny it.”

“What if he tries to deny it anyway?”

“Then I’ll charge him with fraud and have him flogged and imprisoned!”

By the end, the County Magistrate was clearly impatient, slamming the gavel-

“Court adjourned!”

Xue Shouren signed the debt note, and I received twenty strokes of the staff.

If not for the fact that the Yamen Runner who carried out the punishment was the kind-hearted Uncle Zhao, I would have been bedridden for months.

Uncle Zhao’s surname is Zhao, given name Ji. He showed mercy because he knew my father-in-law, Pei Changshun.

He said he’d known my father-in-law since he was young and selling tofu pudding at a stall in the county town-they were old acquaintances.

I was lucky, and Uncle Zhao was good to me. Not only did he spend fifteen wen to help me hire a donkey cart home, he also gave me a bottle of ointment for my wounds and told me to rest well.

Even though he was gentle, twenty strokes from the Yamen still left my buttocks bruised and bleeding, cold sweat pouring down, my face pale as death.

From the beating to lying on the donkey cart, Xue Shouren followed me, mumbling explanations: “Father didn’t sell your mother, didn’t I tell you? It was because I owed money to the gambling house, and they came to collect. Your mother clearly had some dowry silver, but she refused to hand it over. Who knew she was so stubborn? I only threatened her a little about selling her to a brothel, and she hanged herself…”

“Get out!”

“Father sent you to the Pei family to find you a good home, not to sell you. As for Yang Laizi at the leather shop, yes, he’s older, but he’s wealthy. Father just wanted you to have a good life.”

“Get out!”

I used all my strength to curse him, and the pain made my face even whiter.

I lost my mother at seven, and for a long time I wondered: what is the purpose of living?

I saw my mother Li hanging from the beam with my own eyes, her feet dangling in the air.

Xue Shouren was terrified, and he wept and repented.

But his repentance lasted less than a year before he plunged back into gambling.

He never admitted to selling his wife or daughter.

Perhaps in his heart, I should be grateful to him, because at least he remembered he had a daughter-when he won at gambling, he’d buy me buns; when he lost, he’d scavenge leftovers to bring home.

When one is weak and powerless, there are no choices, only confusion.

Later, I grew up. Later still, I came to the Pei family, and suddenly I understood.

There is so much suffering in the world; simply being alive is already a blessing.

If you already hold the best lot, asking what life is for is just being pretentious.

To live is to live well.

Like Eldest Son, who wanted to study, to rise from a farmer by day to the Son of Heaven’s hall by night.

Like me, who wants a stable life, free from worry.

In this world, only by living is there hope, only then can you find a way forward.

Eldest Son no longer has this chance, but I do.

…

After returning to the Pei family, I lay in bed for a month.

During this time, Pei Xiaotao cried as she clumsily followed my instructions, busying herself.

Later, even when Grandmother wet her pants, she could run over and help change them.

She even felt a sense of accomplishment from it, and every day she’d gaze at Grandmother with anticipation.

Grandmother: “Second Girl, why do you keep staring at me? Don’t look at me like that, you’re scaring me.”

“Grandmother, are you thirsty? Have some water.”

“I’m not thirsty.”

“No, you are.”

…

When I could finally get out of bed, all the food in the house was gone, the vegetable garden was bare, the rice jar was empty, and the chicken coop was deserted.

The two egg-laying hens I had painstakingly raised were secretly taken by Pei Xiaotao to Widow Wu next door to be slaughtered.

Widow Wu rolled her eyes and said sarcastically at the time, “What kind of conditions do you have, still eating chicken?”
Pei Xiaotao said happily, “There’s still one left at home. In a few days, I’ll bring it for you to slaughter. Don’t be greedy, I’ll save all the chicken tails for you.”

Widow Wu: …

Wu Cuiliu was a young widow in her twenties. She had a sharp tongue, but wasn’t actually bad-hearted. When I was bedridden and couldn’t get up, she helped us out, bringing us pancakes and porridge twice.

But it was also her who egged Xiaotao on, saying her elder sister Pei Mei was the young mistress of the Zhu Family in West Slope Village, and since we were about to run out of food, Xiaotao could go borrow some silver from her.

Xiaotao, for some reason, really did keep it from me, walked over ten li, and went to the Zhu Family in West Slope Village to ask around.

That night, she came back crestfallen and dejected.

The little girl squatted on the ground, wiping her tears, and asked, “Sister-in-law, is Pei Mei really our sister? Did my mother accidentally drop her into the dung pit when she was born? A donkey dung ball is shiny on one side, but it’s still donkey dung.”

I only found out later that when Xiaotao went, Pei Mei acted all like a young mistress from a wealthy family, first pretending to host her with pastries, then spoke in a roundabout way, saying all sorts of things.

At Xiaotao’s age, she couldn’t understand Pei Mei’s convoluted words, only kept her head down and happily ate pastries with her four-year-old daughter Juan. As for Pei Mei’s words, she didn’t take in a single one.

Pei Mei, talking to a brick wall, gradually lost patience, angrily slapped the table-

“Eat, eat, eat! All you know is eating! Look at your poor look. Did you understand what I said? There’s no way I’ll keep you and Grandmother here, don’t even think about it!

“I didn’t take a single coin of the last bit of silver from the Pei Family. Whoever took it, go find them. Tell that Xue Yu, stop pretending with her father, acting out a scene and then wanting to dump you all on me. She can dream on!”

After Pei Mei finished scolding, seeing Xiaotao staring at her dumbfounded, and having scared her daughter Juan into tears, she hurriedly had the maid take them away to comfort them. Then she suddenly changed her face, covered her mouth with a handkerchief and coughed lightly, speaking gently, “Tao, you’re young and don’t understand how dangerous people can be. Sister is doing this for your own good. You and Grandmother must stay in the Pei Family, otherwise that Xue Yu might even ruin our family house.”

Though Xiaotao came back wiping her tears, that night she still pulled out a handful of pastries from her pocket.

“She said her piece, I took mine. Can’t go for nothing.”

Grandmother nodded repeatedly at the side, “Second Girl is really promising.”

Praised like that, Pei Xiaotao perked up, “Next time I’ll go again. Grandmother, I’ll take you with me.”

“Good, we all need to be promising.”

“We will definitely be promising!”

Me: …

After I recovered, I decided to walk twenty li to the county town every day to find work.

Pei Xiaotao made a pinky promise with me, demanding I must be home before sunset, or she’d leave Grandmother behind and go looking for me.

Only after arriving in the county did I realize those Teahouses didn’t lack staff, and certainly wouldn’t hire a woman to work.

The Wealthy Landlord’s homes did have odd jobs, but when the steward shouted in Lion Lane, a crowd of women rushed to compete for them, and it was impossible to squeeze in.

I went for several days, thick-skinned, asking at every Shop if there was work.

Finally, I helped grind medicine at a medical hall for two days, and when Jingyun Cloth Shop was organizing the warehouse, I joined in to move goods for a day.

Shopkeeper Sun at the Cloth Shop was strange. He had strong young men but insisted on paying extra to hire a few girls to move goods.

A girl, just as puzzled as I was, couldn’t help but ask him.

Shopkeeper Sun chuckled, “The cloth in your hands is Floating Light Brocade, worth dozens of taels of silver per bolt. There’s also Embroidered Satin and Snow Satin with gold threads, all expensive. I wouldn’t dare use rough-handed lads. You girls be careful, move slowly. I’d rather you bump yourselves than damage the cloth.”

Dozens of taels per bolt-only the Prefect of Tao Zhou and County Magistrate’s families could afford to wear that.

I clicked my tongue, touched the cloth through its wrapping, and glimpsed the shimmering colors inside, my heart fluttering.

But after getting paid, I bought a few steamed buns on the street and went home, and soon forgot all about Floating Light Brocade and Embroidered Satin.

“Sister-in-law, the buns are still warm. They smell so good and taste so nice.”

Pei Xiaotao squinted her eyes happily, sharing one each with Grandmother, then handed me the remaining four from the cloth bundle.

I took them, wrapped them up again, and put them on the table, “Tomorrow you and Grandmother can heat them up and have two each.”

“Sister-in-law, why aren’t you eating?” Pei Xiaotao pouted, a little unhappy.

I patted my belly, “The Shopkeeper at the Cloth Shop gave us lunch. I ate three big bowls and darkened his face.”

“Yu, you’re really promising!”

“Sister-in-law, you’re really promising!”

Xiaotao and Grandmother spoke in unison, giving me a thumbs-up, proud of me.

I waved my hand modestly, “Not bad. Next time, I’ll try for four big bowls if I get the chance.”

Of course, I couldn’t show it in front of them, but inside I was very anxious.

I earned too little. The three of us were living meal to meal.

When Pei Second Son left home, he said the military pay would be sent every two months.

I felt guilty toward him. When he left, he gave me all his money and bowed to me, entrusting-

“Little sister and Grandmother, I’ll have to trouble Sister-in-law to look after them at home.”

Second Son’s voice was unusually serious and solemn. He’d never called me Sister-in-law before. I was so moved my face turned red, suppressed my shyness, and replied just as seriously-

“I will not fail Second Uncle’s trust.”

And what happened? He’d barely left, and I had his little sister and Grandmother living on the northwest wind.

Feeling guilty, even more uneasy, I got up before dawn the next day and went to the county town again.