chapter 1

When I was thirteen, my father sent me to the Pei family in Damiao Village through a matchmaker.

To put it nicely, it was called “arranging a marriage”; to put it bluntly, it was “selling his daughter.”

The Pei family gave five taels of silver, and my father, delighted, took the money and went to the gambling house in the county town.

Pei Family Aunt was in poor health, Pei Family Eldest Son was also sickly, and at home there was a three-year-old Younger Sister-in-law and an aged Grandmother.

They bought me, first to marry me to Pei Family Eldest Son when I came of age, and second to have someone to do the laundry and cooking, and care for the family’s elderly and sick.

The Pei family in Yun’an County had once been well-off.

Pei Old Father was a hardworking oil seller in his youth, carrying his wares through the streets. Later, he went to Yuzhou to learn how to make tofu pudding from a master.

After mastering the craft, he returned and first set up a stall in the county town. A few years later, he opened a Shop, and when business was booming, he even hired a helper.

Until he died of illness.

Pei Family Aunt had two sons and two daughters. When she gave birth to Younger Sister-in-law, she caught a chill and her health never recovered. In earlier years, she helped Pei Old Father with the business, grinding and curdling soybeans from dawn to dusk, which left her with rheumatism, and she suffered from constant back and leg pain.

Pei Family Eldest Son was frail from childhood, born with deficiencies, and later contracted tuberculosis.

After his father died, the hired helper set up his own stall selling tofu pudding, and the Shop’s business naturally fell apart.

Fortunately, their family still had some savings.

When Pei Family Eldest Son reached marriageable age, he was already sickly. The Doctor said tuberculosis was deadly and contagious.

Ordinary families were unwilling to marry their daughters to him, but my family was different. My mother had died early, and my father was a hopeless gambler.

I arrived at the Pei family at thirteen and never had a moment’s rest-washing clothes, cooking, caring for the aged Grandmother, applying herbal compresses to Pei Family Aunt’s knees, coaxing three-year-old Younger Sister-in-law to sleep…

Pei Family Eldest Son would study late into the night by lamplight, coughing incessantly. I would go to the kitchen to boil radish water and bring it to him.

Whenever this happened, he would always say apologetically, “Yu, you’ve been busy all day, go and rest.”

“It’s not tiring, Eldest Brother. Back home, I had to chop wood in the mountains and hoe the fields. I’m used to keeping busy,” I waved my hand.

Pei Family Eldest Son was seventeen, had attended Private School, and was a refined youth who loved reading.

He had already taken the County Examination and Prefectural Examination, earning the Tongsheng title, but due to his health, he couldn’t continue to the Academy Examination.

Scholars are always admired. From him, I not only learned to write my own name but also recognized many characters.

Two years later, when I turned fifteen, Pei Family Aunt gave me a jade bracelet, saying she would arrange the marriage between me and Pei Family Eldest Son.

I had no objections, but Pei Family Eldest Son was unwilling.

By then, his illness was severe, and he often coughed up blood before finishing a sentence.

He said to Aunt, “I know my own body; I’m afraid I won’t make it. Don’t ruin Yu’s life. In my heart, she’s like Xiaotao-I’ve always treated her as a younger sister.”

Pei Family Aunt fainted from crying. When she woke, she asked me if I was still willing to marry Pei Family Eldest Son.

I wiped my tears and nodded, “Wasn’t I bought to be Eldest Brother’s wife in the first place?”

Aunt couldn’t stop crying, “Yu, don’t blame me. Our whole family is counting on you.”

I ended up marrying Pei Second Son.

No, to be precise, Pei Second Son stood in for his brother at the wedding ceremony, because by then Pei Family Eldest Son was near death and too weak to get out of bed.

I had been at the Pei family for two years, and that was the first time I met Pei Second Son.

He was two years older than me, with a dignified appearance and the bearing of a jade tree.

Back when his father was still alive, he had already been sent off to join the army.

According to the laws of Great Chu, men could join the army at fifteen. Based on the principle of three years of farming and one year of storage, regardless of status, at twenty they had to register with the Yamen.

Many families selected for conscription would cry and wail, fearing their sons would die or be wounded in battle.

Pei Second Son was different. Before he even turned fifteen, his father pulled strings and falsely reported his age by two years, forcing him into the army.

It wasn’t that his father was cruel. Unlike his elder brother, Pei Second Son was unruly from a young age, mixing with ruffians outside the West Outer Gate, always getting into trouble and causing mischief.

When Xiaotao was five, I was still coaxing her to play with mud. It was said that when Pei Second Son was five, he already knew how to steal chickens from neighbors and pilfer vegetables and offerings from temple monks.

In short, he was a reckless troublemaker who had caused plenty of incidents.

Until one time, after being away from home for a long while, he stood by his father’s bedside in the middle of the night, covered in blood, saying he’d accidentally killed someone and asking his father what to do.

Pei Old Father was terrified. He sent generous gifts to acquaintances at the Yamen overnight, asking for help to smooth things over, spent most of the family fortune, and a few months later sent the hidden Pei Second Son off to join the army.
When I married Eldest Son, it was his first time returning home after four years in the Military Camp.

He was a spirited youth, with slender brows and eyes, unlike Eldest Son’s gentle elegance. He was born with a straight nose and thin lips, his mouth pressed into a line, his gaze deep and sharp, his face cold and rebellious.

Under Aunt’s arrangements, he wore the wedding robes in place of his brother, lips pursed, extremely awkward as he bowed with me at the ceremony.

That very night, Eldest Son’s condition worsened. The blood he coughed up bloomed on the handkerchief like flowers, impossible to stop.

He held on for two more days. To his mother, he said, “My marriage with Yu does not count. After I die, sign a Divorce Letter for her, don’t let her be delayed for a lifetime.”

When Eldest Son died, Aunt wailed as if her soul had left her body. I stood dumbly to the side, holding a bowl of bitter medicine, at a loss, my mind filled with the words he once said-

In the morning, a farmer’s son; by evening, in the hall of the Son of Heaven. Ministers and generals are not born so; a man must strive for himself.

Do not say the scholar’s cap misleads; books and poems never betray. If successful, serve the world; if poor, cultivate oneself.

Pei Second Son held his brother’s hand, wiping the blood from his lips. I still clutched a piece of candy, sticky and melting in my palm.

Half a year later, Aunt followed him.

A chill took her life swiftly; she was ill for a few days, then passed away in her sleep.

A few months later, Pei Second Son took leave and returned home, offering sacrifices at the mountain graves of his parents and brother.

When my father, Xue Shouren, heard he was back, he immediately came to the door, asking him to sign the Divorce Letter for me in place of his brother.

Pei Second Son signed without a word.

Xue Shouren beamed, driving the donkey cart, forcibly dragging me onto it-

“Daughter, I won’t gamble anymore. I’m working now. I bought a donkey and became a cart driver. My short-lived son-in-law has been dead nearly a year. You’re only sixteen; what’s the point of staying here? We’ve done all we could. Come home with me, and I’ll find you a good match through someone I trust.”

I sat in the donkey cart, my mind a mess as he pulled me away.

Halfway, I asked him, “You really won’t gamble anymore?”

“Really, I won’t.”

“Then swear it. If you’re lying, may thunder strike you dead, may your hands, feet, and tongue rot, may you die and be thrown into a mass grave with no one to collect your body, and then be gnawed by wild dogs…”

“Xue Yu! How dare you! Is this how you curse your father?”

Xue Shouren was furious. I sneered, “Not gambling anymore? Can anyone believe a gambling addict like you? What good match? You probably want to trick me back and sell me off again. I was young before and had no other way out. You think you can fool me with the same trick now? Go trick a ghost.”

With that, the cart lightened. I jumped off, grabbed my bundle, and walked away without looking back, Xue Shouren’s curses echoing behind me.

After thinking it over, I walked ten more miles and returned to Damiao Village.

Damiao Village sits at the foot of Jiuping Mountain, home to about a hundred families.

The Pei family lives at the west end of the village. By the fence at the gate, I had fenced off a small vegetable garden and planted a few Magnolias.

At dusk, the farmhouse courtyard was mottled with blue and white, the setting sun blood-red on the horizon.

Pei Xiaotao, her hair in two messy pigtails, was sitting at the door bawling her eyes out.

With her was the aged Grandmother, the two sitting together, Grandmother trembling as she leaned on her cane, watching her cautiously-

“Second Girl, stop crying. Your mouth is so wide, it scares me.

“Second Girl, my pants are wet. Can you help me change?”

“Waaah, Grandmother, why did you wet your pants again?”

“This isn’t the time to talk about that. Can you help me change my pants?”

“Waaah, I don’t know how.”

“Then can you go to the Kitchen and cook Mixed Noodle Soup?”

“Waaah, didn’t brother go to cook?”

“Sigh, what use is he? He can’t even keep his wife. If not for him, would we have ended up like this?”

“Waaah, Grandmother, I want my Sister-in-law. I miss her.”

“Don’t cry. Grandmother already has an idea. When it gets dark, we’ll run away from home. We can’t stay here anymore. That Turtle Grandson is no good.”

…

When I returned, Xiaotao was crying loudly, clinging to me and refusing to let go. Grandmother looked at me pitifully-

“My pants are still wet, haven’t been changed.”

After soothing Xiaotao and changing Grandmother’s pants, I finally went to the Kitchen to find Pei Second Son.

He was cooking, the fire burning, water boiling in the pot, and he was still fiddling with the dough at the counter.

Pei Second Son stood tall, his back straight, flour dusting his cheeks, his hands and wrists sticky with dough. He looked calm, yet somehow lost.

The Kitchen, once tidy, was now a mess of pots and bowls. I sighed softly, “Second Uncle, let me do it.”
Pei Second Son turned his head. In the room where the light was not bright, his face held a hint of surprise, his thick brows slightly raised, eyes dark as ink. Soon, he regained his composure, pressed his lips together, and walked out.

After cooking the vegetable noodle soup, I carried the clay bowl out and placed it on the table in the courtyard, adding fragrant sesame oil to Xiaotao’s and Grandmother’s bowls.

Once they were happily eating, I went to the room separated on the west side of the main house. Seeing the door was not closed, I called through the inner curtain, “Second Uncle, it’s time to eat.”

The faded curtain had seen many years; the floor tiles were swept clean but were rough and old.

The room was dim, but as the curtain was lifted, Pei Second Son’s footsteps sounded quietly. In the silence, his slender figure in a blue shirt appeared, shoulders sharp, like a cold, austere pine.

His face was sharply defined, his eyes like ice or a cold moon, making all the surrounding gloom seem pressed down, giving rise to a cold, luminous glow.

Pei Second Son was born with good looks, but there was an innate sense of distance in his manner. When I suddenly met those deep, piercing eyes, I couldn’t help but feel tense, my hands twisting under my sleeves-

“Younger Sister-in-law is still young, and Grandmother also needs care. Second Uncle, if you return to the Military Camp, have you thought about how to arrange for them?”

My voice was soft, but his was even lower and deeper, slowly saying, “I plan to entrust them to the Zhu Family in West Slope Village.”

My heart tightened again.

The Pei family had an Elder Sister married to West Slope Village.

Her name was Pei Mei, the eldest daughter of the Pei family, three years older than Eldest Son.

Back when Pei Old Father was still alive, Pei Mei married the eldest son of Village Head Zhu’s family in West Slope Village.

Village Head Zhu was a local gentry, and the Zhu Family was the wealthiest in the surrounding villages.

As the young mistress of the Village Head’s family, it was only natural for her to look after her younger sister and grandmother from her maiden family.

Coincidentally, I also grew up in West Slope Village since childhood.

I knew that although the Zhu Family was wealthy and had maids and servants, Village Head Zhu was one who valued money above all else, and his wife was domineering. She never showed kindness to the tenant farmers, often scolding and insulting them.

When Pei Old Father was alive, Pei Mei often returned to her maiden home. Her in-laws controlled the money tightly, and her husband had no ability to earn; he failed the Scholar exam repeatedly and spent his days indulging in food and drink.

If the young mistress of the Zhu Family wanted to buy fine clothes and cosmetics, she had to rely on her maiden family for support.

But after Pei Old Father passed away, the shop in the county was sold, Eldest Son’s health declined, and with only a little family wealth left, Pei Mei’s requests for money were no longer met so readily by Aunt.

Seeing that she could no longer get money and had to listen to Aunt’s complaints, Pei Mei simply stopped coming.

In the three years I’ve been at the Pei family, I only saw her when Eldest Son and Aunt passed away.

The last time we met, she wore a delicate tea-white Padded Jacket embroidered with a ring of exquisite orchids, looking extremely elegant.

When she entered for the funeral, she first gently stroked her hair, then placed her hands with raised pinkies at her waist, and cried out-

“Mother, your daughter is late.”

Her voice was sorrowful and delicate, but her movements were precise. When she wiped her tears with a handkerchief, she even pressed the powder on her nose.

Pei Mei’s skin was very fair, her face covered with powder and rouge, and even though she cried, her tears did not ruin her makeup.

It was hard to imagine that such a dignified young mistress had once helped sell tofu pudding for her family in the county as a girl.

I didn’t know what Pei Second Son was thinking, but I only knew that sending Pei Xiaotao, whom I had cared for three years, and the somewhat senile Grandmother to the Zhu Family made me uneasy.

So I said to Pei Second Son, “Second Uncle, if you want to entrust them to the Zhu Family, I suppose Village Head Zhu, for the sake of reputation, won’t refuse. But do you know that Elder Sister, though the eldest daughter-in-law of the Zhu Family, has only given birth to a daughter after so many years, and her mother-in-law often complains? Her husband has already taken a concubine, and her days are actually not easy.”

Pei Second Son was silent for a moment. Before he could speak, I continued, “Since that’s the case, let’s not trouble Elder Sister. I’ll keep the Divorce Letter for now, Second Uncle, you can go to the Military Camp with peace of mind. I’ll stay and look after the family, and when Xiaotao and Grandmother are settled, I’ll leave then.”

I spoke sincerely. Pei Second Son’s expression was hidden in the shadows, his eyes seeming to conceal a heavy, tranquil mist.

He did not speak, so I asked again, “Second Uncle, what do you think?”

After another moment of silence, his throat seemed to tighten, and finally he replied, his voice a little hoarse, “Alright.”

With that single word, I breathed a sigh of relief and felt myself relax-

“The meal is ready, Second Uncle, come eat before it gets cold.”