I Handled the Divorce for the Gods at the Civil Affairs Bureau - Chapter 9
Chapter 9
After the Heavenly Regulations severed their superior support, the Civil Affairs Bureau lost power.
A blackout in the truest sense of the word.
The lights died, the computer screens went black, and the ticket dispenser spat out its final slip of paper like a dying wish.
The slip read: A108, the Human World requests separation from the Heavenly Regulations.
In the three seconds the lobby was plunged into darkness, I heard many sounds.
People crying, people cursing, immortals gasping, the frantic ringing of shared bicycle bells, and Director Luo hissing through her teeth, “Who missed the annual inspection for the emergency lights?”
The next second, the Kitchen God snapped his fingers.
A small flame jumped from his fingertip, illuminating the lobby.
Then the Dragon King suspended raindrops in mid-air, refracting a faint glimmer of light.
Yue Lao wrapped his red threads around the light fixtures; as the threads glowed, they looked like hundreds of tiny neon tubes.
The Earth God pulled a glowing radish out of a flowerpot.
The Vending Machine spat out thirty cans of fluorescent drinks, the payment code reading: Free tonight.
The Civil Affairs Bureau lit up again.
It wasn’t powered by electricity.
It was powered by a group of people in the middle of divorces, separations, resignations, compensation claims, and cold wars, all scrambling to light each other up.
I suddenly felt like laughing.
This damn Human World was indeed ridiculous.
But it was also quite lovely.
After Xiao Yin went offline, only a line of local mode prompts remained on the screen: Manual Registration.
Director Luo pulled a stack of paper forms from a filing cabinet, her voice solemn. “Comrades, the time has come to test our basic skills.”
All the staff members took their seats as if heading onto a battlefield.
Shen Tinglan was in charge of photocopying.
This time, it was literal photocopying.
Since the copier had no power, he collaborated with Yue Lao, using a red thread to pull and rotate the drum. The image of the Auditor crouching next to the copier with a cold face, cranking the handle, was enough to be recorded as an intangible cultural heritage of This Bureau.
I was responsible for the final case.
A108, the Human World requests separation from the Heavenly Regulations.
The applicant had no physical form.
In front of me sat only that bowl of rice.
The rice had gone cold, yet each grain emitted a soft glow.
I asked, “Human World, what is your reason for requesting separation from the Heavenly Regulations?”
She said, “They overstep their bounds.”
I nodded and took notes.
“Specific facts?”
“They write fate as a quota, sacrifice as a tradition, and living as a procedure. They claim it’s for stability, but in reality, they just don’t want to admit that relationships are naturally meant to change.”
I wrote rapidly.
“Demands?”
“My affairs should be settled by my own people through negotiation.”
Bai Heng stood to the side, his face ashen.
“Without a Heavenly Regulations Filing, your agreement will not be recognized.”
The old grandmother suddenly raised her hand. “I recognize it.”
The young couple said, “We recognize it too.”
The God of Wealth flicked his abacus. “Recognition is fine, but the property clauses must be clear.”
Lady Monday snorted. “I recognize it as well. It’s not like the Heavenly Regulations ever went to work for me anyway.”
More and more voices rang out.
“Recognized.”
“Recognized.”
“Recognized.”
I recorded every testimony into the paper transcript.
By the time I reached the end, my wrist was as sore as if the Dragon King had rained on it.
Shen Tinglan handed me a new pen.
“Are you doing okay?”
“Not really.”
“Take a two-minute break.”
“What about the countdown?”
He glanced at the clock on the wall.
“Thirteen minutes left.”
I took the pen. “Then I’ll keep not being okay for thirteen more minutes.”
He said softly, “Jiang Mian, you don’t have to push yourself like you did three years ago.”
I paused.
“I know.”
“Do you really?”
“I do.” I looked at him. “I’m not bearing the burden for everyone this time. I’m letting everyone sign for themselves.”
Shen Tinglan didn’t say anything else.
He simply stood beside me, helping me spread out each finished page in order.
The Kitchen God stood nearby drying the ink.
The Dragon King controlled the humidity.
Yue Lao was in charge of binding.
Though Xiao Yin was offline, the console occasionally emitted a faint hum, as if it were trying its best to remember.
Five minutes before midnight, all one hundred and eight mediation records were completed.
The final step required a seal.
But the seal of the Heavenly Regulations hung suspended in mid-air, refusing to descend.
Bai Heng said coldly, “Without a seal, it is invalid.”
Director Luo took out This Bureau’s steel seal.
“We have a seal.”
Bai Heng sneered. “A petty mortal seal cannot ratify a Three Realms Agreement.”
Director Luo looked at me.
I looked at the various applications on the table.
The Kitchen God’s scorched rice, Yue Lao’s red threads, the Dragon King’s raindrops, Xiao Yin’s offline prompt, the Human World’s rice, and Shen Tinglan’s ring.
I suddenly reached out and took off the ID badge pinned to my chest.
On the back of the badge, an imprint had surfaced at some unknown point.
Public Spouse.
It was the brand left behind by the old agreement three years ago.
I pressed the badge onto the ink pad.
Shen Tinglan’s expression changed. “Jiang Mian.”
“Don’t be nervous,” I said. “I’m using it one last time.”
I pressed the badge onto the paper for A108.
Not in the capacity of a Public Spouse.
But in the name of Jiang Mian, I stamped the seal of the old system onto the abolition page of the new agreement.
The mark landed, as red as a heart that had finally jumped back into its own chest.
The entire Civil Affairs Bureau lit up.
It wasn’t the lights.
Every relationship record began to glow, the pages flying up one by one, forming new clauses in the air above the lobby.
Article 1: No relationship shall be maintained by default through the sacrifice of a third party.
Article 2: Any binding must allow for expression, negotiation, withdrawal, and starting over.
Article 3: Remembering a person must not become a punishment for another.
Article 4: Human relationships shall be managed by the Human World.
Bai Heng reached out to snatch the agreement.
The Kitchen God blocked him with a tray of scorched rice. “Get past my stove first.”
Yue Lao whipped out a Warning Thread.
The Dragon King suspended a drop of rain right at the tip of Bai Heng’s nose.
Shen Tinglan stepped in front of me and held up that Copier Certificate.
“According to the Abnormal Report, this case has entered the Public Record Procedure.”
Bai Heng gritted his teeth. “You will regret this.”
The Human World said softly, “Even if we regret it, the regret will be ours.”
Twelve o’clock sharp.
The countdown hit zero.
The System did not initiate a liquidation.
The city outside the window went silent for a second.
Then, one by one, the lights of ten thousand homes flickered on.
