Chapter 24

Extra: From Now On, Unnoticed

Sometimes I feel that Heaven punished me for my terrible temper by taking Yu Sui away from my side.

I’ve had a rotten temper since I was a child, just like my Imperial Consort Mother.

Bad temper, good looks.

Imperial Consort Mother said that good-looking people have the right to lose their temper.

She was naïve and cruel, breathtakingly beautiful since childhood, and would not tolerate anyone’s rejection.

However, when the one who rejected her was the current Emperor, she was powerless.

The Emperor was unmoved by her beauty, so she vented all her anger on the servants.

Later, after many twists and turns, she had me, but became even more irritable.

She never comforted me, never said she loved me.

She only blamed me.

Blamed me for not being smarter, not being more likable, so that the Emperor would come to her palace.

My brothers and sisters thought I was fierce and didn’t want to play with me.

They also said the blood in my veins was too lowly, that I wasn’t worthy of them.

On the surface, I cursed them out, but then I’d secretly hide in my room and cry, only to be discovered by Imperial Consort Mother.

She found my crying annoying and threw me some money, telling me to go buy myself a companion.

I chose Yu Sui.

At that time, she was tied up with rope, curled up in a corner, her eyes shining as if washed by water, like some kind of wild animal.

Extremely clean, with a pure, primal ferocity.

When I pointed at her, the Human Trafficker looked very surprised.

After a moment, he showed a troubled expression.

He said, “Third Prince, perhaps you should choose another. This girl is slow-witted and very strong. I’m afraid she might offend Your Highness in the future and make you unhappy.”

I’m stubborn-the more people say no, the more I want it.

I said coldly, “I want her. Only her.”

The next day, she was sent to Ruiwang Mansion.

She was only seven then, two years younger than me.

Contrary to what the Human Trafficker said, she was very obedient.

So obedient it irritated me.

She thought that because I bought her, saved her, and fed her, I was being good to her.

When I scolded her, she always put on an innocent, bewildered look, staring at me blankly.

No matter what I said, it seemed I couldn’t hurt her.

Not only couldn’t I hurt her, she might even say “thank you” to me.

Her responses were always mismatched and chaotic.

I said she was slow-witted, she said she’d just been weighed.

I said, “You’re really sick,” she said she believed it.

I said, “Are you useless?” she said she wanted food.

Thinking back now, maybe Yu Sui got used to my nitpicking and unconsciously ignored my words.

Anyway, nine out of ten things I said to her were scolding.

Actually, I wanted to treat her well, but for some reason, whenever I spoke, the words came out harsh.

It seems I never learned how to express feelings normally.

I was both frustrated and relieved.

Fortunately.

Fortunately, Yu Sui couldn’t hear, so she wouldn’t dislike me for it.

Later, Yu Sui grew up a bit.

She became stronger and stronger, sometimes crushing bowls by accident while eating.

Imperial Consort Mother came to see me, glanced at her face and sneered, “She’s good-looking enough to be your Concubine.”

I was stunned and said, “She’s still young.”

Imperial Consort Mother laughed exaggeratedly, her tone contemptuous.

“With her status, it’s better to start learning early.”

I felt uncomfortable and instinctively refused, “I don’t like her, I never planned to make her my Concubine. I’ll have her become my Shadow Guard.”

Yu Sui stood to the side, dazed.

For the first time, I hoped she hadn’t heard.

But she did.

After Imperial Consort Mother left, she came to me cautiously.

Her eyes were a little red as she asked, “Does Master not like me?”

“No,” I blurted out, “You’re dumb, not that good-looking, being a Shadow Guard is enough.”

“Oh.”

She nodded, as if thinking about something.

After a while, she smiled and looked up at me.

“If I become a Shadow Guard, I can protect Master, right?”

I was shocked by how quickly her mood changed and hesitated, “Mm.”

“Then I want to go.”

I immediately regretted it, “Actually, you don’t have to…”

“I want to go,” she said firmly, “I want to be useful, to make Master like me.”

I really wanted to tell her, she didn’t need to do any of that.
But I couldn’t say it out loud.

I deceived myself into thinking that the training at the Iron Blood Camp was so harsh that a young girl would be afraid of hardship and might come back after only a few days.

But Yu Sui didn’t return as I wished.

She not only refused to give up halfway, but also became an exceptionally outstanding Shadow Guard.

The year she returned from the Iron Blood Camp, she was covered in wounds.

I found a doctor to treat her and desperately tried to talk to her.

Yet she seemed utterly unconcerned.

She told me very seriously, “My Lord, being deaf doesn’t affect my ability to kill.”

As if I didn’t already know.

As if I would abandon her because of it.

Later, her hearing gradually recovered, and she became accustomed to staying by my side as a Shadow Guard.

Shamefully, I enjoyed this kind of life.

I thought, she was my Shadow Guard alone, with me every day, and no one could take her away.

Until an assassination attempt.

A gang of desperadoes from the business world took advantage of my trip outside, blocked my carriage, and tried to kill me.

At that moment, only Yu Sui was with me.

I watched as she twisted the leader’s neck with her bare hands.

Her hands were covered in blood, sticky red spattered across her face. She smiled at me and said, “My Lord, don’t be afraid.”

I was truly afraid.

But not of her – of losing her.

After that, I tried my best not to take her out, nor let her carry out dangerous tasks.

This time the enemy was weak. But what about next time? The time after that?

I found myself hopelessly conflicted.

I wanted her to be strong, yet I wanted to squander her strength.

I wanted her to be able to protect herself, but I didn’t want her to risk her life because of her strength.

The code of conduct I’d followed since childhood made me stubborn and caused me to arbitrarily extinguish all of Yu Sui’s possibilities.

I consoled myself, saying I was protecting her.

But deep down, I knew that wasn’t true.

I was just selfish.

I simply wanted to possess her for myself.

Even if it wasn’t aboveboard.

Mother noticed the way I treated Yu Sui differently.

She began to hint and prod me to marry, rebuking me from time to time.

“With our status, you must marry a noble lady from a high family.”

“Haven’t you suffered enough for your bloodline?”

“Such a lowly bloodline isn’t even qualified to bear your children.”

I felt exhausted.

I stared at her coldly and asked, “Would you be happier if I died, Mother?”

She lost her mind.

She said she would stop at nothing to kill Yu Sui, because Yu Sui had corrupted me.

How ridiculous – she didn’t even dare blame me.

Is it always like this in this world, that men push their faults onto women?

I laughed, and pressed my dagger to her throat.

“Oh, is that so? Then let’s die together.”

Mother went pale with fright and screamed as she fled from Ruiwang Mansion.

Expressionless, I sat in the darkness.

Yu Sui climbed over the wall to return. When she saw me, she froze for a moment.

I said, “Get over here.”

She obediently walked over.

I lowered my head, gripped her wrist, and pressed my forehead into her palm.

My tears wet her hand. Yu Sui asked, puzzled, “My Lord, are you crying?”

I snarled, “Don’t talk nonsense. The Sichuan Cuisine I had tonight was too spicy.”

She believed me and said, “Oh.”

Mother did not let me off.

She came again and again, trying to make trouble for Yu Sui.

I knew this was all she could do.

I told her I didn’t want anyone to be my wife.

Mother sneered, “No one knows a son better than his mother. I know very well what you want. You’re a Prince – you can delay it for a while, but not forever.”

She defied my wishes and stuffed all kinds of women into my mansion.

Yu Sui hadn’t realized anything was wrong; she was always slow to react.

But if this went on, I feared she would become more and more distressed.

I found a random excuse to send her away, saying I wanted her to keep an eye on Pei Su.

I never expected her to actually do anything.

But I forgot – aside from her hearing loss, Yu Sui always took her assignments very seriously.

When Pei Su first said Yu Sui liked him, I didn’t believe it.

At that time, my grandfather had just passed away. I quickly took over all my mother’s family’s wealth and connections, becoming the real head of the family.

With that, even my mother could hardly control me anymore.

I had made up my mind. I could find another place – a place where my mother could not find Yu Sui – and stay there with her.
Although there is some grievance and heartbreak, at least it solves the problem at hand.

I was too naive.

Pei Su’s words made me realize that Yu Sui was never mine, and she could never be confined.

I sat under the corridor for two days, constantly comforting myself.

It’s fine, it’s fine.

Yu Sui couldn’t possibly like someone else.

Yet when she truly woke up, I was too afraid to even ask that question.

Until I heard the answer, I found that I couldn’t even face Yu Sui.

My tears kept falling, utterly disgraceful, but I couldn’t control them at all.

Actually, I’ve said I liked her.

When she was asleep, when she was unconscious, when she couldn’t hear me.

It seems only at those times could I speak those words openly and honestly.

Clearly, in our long decade together, I had so many chances to tell her.

On the day Yu Sui left, I turned my back to her, pretending to read, but in truth, I was crying.

My tears soaked the scroll, and when I heard her hesitantly leaving the room, I finally couldn’t hold back and chased after her.

Heaven gave me a chance-because it snowed, Yu Sui hadn’t left yet.

I called out to her, and she turned at the sound.

I said, “I like you, can you stay?”

Yu Sui didn’t hear clearly.

She looked at me in confusion, asking me to repeat it.

But I had already used up all my courage the first time.

Perhaps this is fate.

I shrank back again.

Later, when I met Pei Su at court, I couldn’t help but jab at him.

I deliberately feigned schadenfreude and said, “Ah Yu is really foolish. You’re bound to suffer a lot in the future.”

Pei Su frowned, his expression very serious.

“Why does the Third Prince say such things?” He looked at me earnestly, his gaze somewhat like Sui Sui’s. “Words like these are very hurtful. Does Your Highness not know?”

I was speechless.

Yes, did I not know how hurtful those words were?

Pei Su solemnly pleaded with me, “Though there may not be many chances, I ask that if Your Highness meets Sui Sui in the future, please don’t say such things to her again. I don’t want her to be sad.”

I struggled to reply, “She’s hard of hearing, she can’t understand.”

“What if she does hear?”

“What?”

Pei Su said seriously, “Hurtful words, even if she hears just one, will make her sad. Does Your Highness wish Sui Sui to be sad?”

I was completely lost for words.

Pei Su bowed deeply, “She is my precious future wife, very clever and very lovely. Doing certain things isn’t foolish, it’s just kindness. I hope the Third Prince understands.”

How ironic.

I’ve been with Yu Sui for over ten years, and now I need someone else to tell me what kind of person she is.

Yet at that moment, I finally understood.

What stood between Yu Sui and me was not the Imperial Consort Mother, not her hearing, not Pei Su.

It was me.

From beginning to end, it was my own hesitation and reckless words.

On the day of the grand wedding, I actually went.

I rode on horseback, secretly glancing from afar.

Firecrackers exploded, suona horns blared, it was lively and festive. I heard people cheering, calling out Yu Sui’s name.

But they all got it wrong.

I was the one who named her Yu Sui. At first, I didn’t choose “Yu Sui,” but “Yu Si.”

It meant “to accompany.”

That silly girl misheard it as “Yu Sui,” and kept using it ever since.

She always says she’s grateful to me, that she’s sorry to me.

She says a Shadow Guard must give their life for their lord, must live and die for their master.

But I never wanted any of that.

I only wanted her to quietly stay by my side.

I know very well that I can’t have her with me for a lifetime.

The Imperial Consort Mother would never let me marry her as my main wife, and I wouldn’t allow her to be trapped by my side, only as a Concubine.

A tiger should not become a house cat, nor should it be caged.

I heard she’ll soon join the Nianzi Banner, go to war, and fight on the battlefield.

That is where she belongs.

From afar, I watched Yu Sui and Pei Su bow to each other as husband and wife, the smoke stinging my eyes and making me want to cry again.

This is good.

This is best.

My jade should not shatter, and will never shatter.

(The End)