Waterbound Love - Chapter 31
Shen Yan did not see Du Bai in the hospital room, so she went to look for her near Tinna’s room. From a distance, she saw Du Bai standing outside the glass window, looking at Tinna, not knowing how long she had been there. “Aren’t you going to go in to see her?” Shen Yan asked, draping her jacket gently over Du Bai’s shoulders.
Du Bai simply shook her head lightly and walked back to the hospital room.
It might be a case of a curse lasting a thousand years, as the last time Du Bai fell from her motorcycle, she only suffered a minor concussion. A comminuted fracture in her right arm had been set and was being managed with pain relief, along with Traditional Chinese Medicine1 treatments. She was expected to rest for about three months. In this misfortune, there was some luck.
Perhaps, heaven was gradually taking back the gifts it had bestowed upon her. Drawing was indispensable.
Shen Yan wanted to grab Du Bai but feared hurting her arm, so she stepped in front of her instead. “Why won’t you go in to see her?”
Du Bai looked at Shen Yan with an expressionless face. After a long moment, she walked around her and continued towards the hospital room, leaving Shen Yan to drop her hands in despair.
Shen Yan understood that in Du Bai’s mind, she had taken all the blame upon herself, probably believing that she was the cause of Tinna’s condition.
“Du Bai, it’s not your fault, really. You should go see her; Tinna would be happy to see you,” Shen Yan tried to reassure Du Bai back in the hospital room.
Du Bai and Shen Yan looked at each other for a long time, her eyes inexplicably teary, and she lowered her head to say softly, “At this point, she won’t be happy to see anyone, especially not me.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to see her, but that I don’t feel I deserve to. I’m the reason she’s like this. Everything traces back to me. I don’t know how to face her, truly, I just don’t know.”
“I am being selfish, I’m afraid, I’m afraid of seeing the resentment she might hold towards me. I fear I cannot bear it; I truly cannot.”
Shen Yan stared at the bowed head of Du Bai, realizing she was crying. It was the first time Shen Yan saw Du Bai so vulnerable. She had seen her many times before: calm, in pain, melancholic, sinister, resolute. It seemed everything was as expected, yet she had never seen her this vulnerable, fragile enough to make one want to hold her close, to cherish and safely store her away.
Shen Yan really wanted to go over and give Du Bai a hug, to stroke her back and tell her not to cry, that she was there for her. But she couldn’t. Her feet felt rooted to the spot.
When Du Bai looked up again, her eyes were slightly swollen but dry. Shen Yan couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed; the vulnerable girl seemed to have evaporated along with the tears. The Du Bai that remained was only going to be stronger, and perhaps even further away from herself.
“Shen Yan, how has Ji Feiling been behaving lately?” Du Bai had already concealed all her emotions, leaving perhaps only vengeance.
“He initially stayed close to Tinna, but after being repeatedly pushed away by her, he disappeared for a few days.”
Du Bai looked intently at Shen Yan. “And now?”
Shen Yan gave a bitter smile, realizing she could hide nothing from her. “Now he’s back to work as usual, coming by once a day with flowers for Tinna.” Seeing the cold expression on Du Bai’s face, Shen Yan understood her intentions. “Du Bai, stop this, let go of all these, wouldn’t it be better to just live a good life?”
Du Bai laughed, as if it took all her strength, her laughter riddled with coughs, “Heh, live a good life? Ha, how can I live a good life after I’ve harmed so many?”
It turned out that many things don’t just fade with time. “Du Bai, it’s not like that, they weren’t harmed by you.”
“No, no,” Du Bai, clutching her head, shook it desperately, “It was me, all me. Wei Jia’s death was caused by me, we all know it. She was a tool for my venting, I took out all my guilt on her. And Tinna too, she endured everything that was actually meant for me. It was me, I caused the death of the child, I’m already covered in blood, I don’t care about any punishment, but why did they have to bear it? It was all me, my cleverness, my abuse of power to bully others. I was always meant to have nothing.” She then broke down sobbing.
Shen Yan could no longer hold back, rushing forward to embrace Du Bai. “No, no, it wasn’t you, you still have me.” She patted Du Bai’s trembling shoulders, trying to comfort her, but her words seemed unheard. Maybe because of her emotional turmoil, Shen Yan didn’t see the guilt spread over Du Bai’s face.
I’m sorry, Shen Yan, I’ve used you again, only in this way will you help me without reserve. Some things, I must reclaim.
So, let’s immerse ourselves in the darkness together.
The power I rely on is your love for me.
Du Bai gently closed her eyes, concealing the shame in her gaze, and wiped away her tears. She gently pushed Shen Yan away, lowering her eyelids to hide Shen Yan’s disconsolate expression. When she opened her eyes again, they were clear.
“Shen Yan, how are those people doing?”
Looking at Du Bai, Shen Yan understood that she was ready to strike back. What else could she do but support her fully? “Old Wei has already been informed. He’s keeping an eye on those people for you. You can take them whenever you want.”
“Please thank Master Wei for me. Send whatever needs to be sent on my behalf.” Although she owed a favor, she had to maintain appearances. “Don’t let those people enjoy their fortune too much.” Her face was full of spite after speaking.
“I understand.” Shen Yan looked up at Du Bai, “Should I send it in Du Ruo’s name?”
Du Bai nodded slightly, concealing all her emotions, “It’s almost five years, Du Ruo should be coming back, shouldn’t she?”
“Can you let go?” After holding on for so long, could she really let go of Lian Yinyun?
Du Bai knew whom Shen Yan was referring to, but that name seemed strangely foreign and distant, as if it had been quietly forgotten suddenly.
“It seems I no longer have a choice.” She didn’t elaborate further, a vision of a pure and lovely face flashed in her mind. Unsure if they had met in the right era, or if they were right for each other, missing out seemed to have become destiny. Only now did she perhaps realize that some things could be started over, as long as the right person comes along.
Now that she had decided to return as Du Ruo, these brand-new beginnings were destined to be tainted with dust. It was cruel to her, yet it was the best protection. After all, we had chosen to live away from the sunlight and survival had been tough enough; why should we still be smothered by rumors?
Follow me, the hurts we face are beyond what mere rumors can reach.
“As for Ji Feiling,” Du Bai glanced at Shen Yan, “I won’t deny that he loves Tinna, but his posturing often outweighs his love for her. His daily companionship is more out of fear of the Liu family’s influence. Right now, the Liu family is still unaware, and I am curious to see if the wedding in ten days will proceed as scheduled.” Her eyes glittered menacingly, chilling those who saw.
“Are you family members from the intensive care unit? There’s been an incident with the patient from intensive care.” A young nurse stumbled in, clearly shaken.
Patients in this ward were not to be trifled with, and even a small issue was more than she could handle. But the situation was urgent.
“What happened?” Shen Yan, keeping her composure, blocked the approaching nurse, her brow furrowing slightly. What was Director Wang thinking, choosing such a flustered person?
“I didn’t do it on purpose, I really didn’t. I just went to get her medication, and when I came back, she was gone. Then someone said they saw her heading to the rooftop. I really didn’t mean to- the Director said I had to inform you, I-”
“How do you see people?” Shen Yan interrupted the nurse’s disorganized chatter, unable to contain her anger.
“What’s the use of saying those useless things?” Du Bai struggled to rise from the bed, forgetting her injured right arm, and immediately lost balance, collapsing back onto the bed. Shen Yan hurried over to help her up. Ignoring her shoes, Du Bai walked out, “If anything happens to her, I will not forgive you.” All that nonsense, just shirking responsibility-if something happens to Tinna, you will be the first to blame.
The young nurse’s face turned pale as if she had lost all her strength and collapsed to the ground.
On the balcony, Tinna sat quietly on the ledge, facing everyone, her hands crossed over her knees, intently staring at her own hands. Du Bai followed Tinna’s gaze and a burst of dazzling light pained her heart.
Du Bai tore off the bandage that was stabilizing her arm and walked toward Tinna, but Shen Yan grabbed her.
“Shen Yan, don’t make me hate you.” Du Bai stared fixedly at Shen Yan, her face showing neither pain nor sorrow. Shen Yan knew, if she really stopped her, it would become a reality that she couldn’t bear. “I’ll accompany you.”
Du Bai sighed, a moment of struggle flashing in her eyes, “Why bother?”
“It’s worth it.” Du Bai saw her own reflection in Shen Yan’s resolute eyes-for the first time, she felt so tainted.
Du Bai looked up at the sky, closing her eyes. For the first time, she used this method to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. At this moment, she could not cry, nor was she allowed to.
The tears she held back were not only acidic to her eyes, but also to her heart. Rising to her throat, so astringent. The heaviness made it feel like even breathing was a burden.
Opening her eyes to clarity, Shen Yan tried to find a trace of emotion inside, but in the end, she realized it was futile and could only give a bitter smile.
Du Bai walked towards Tinna. When she was less than half a meter away, Tinna seemed to sense the shift in the air, looked up at Du Bai with a sinister gaze, and shrank back.
“Don’t, I won’t come over. Don’t move.” Du Bai swallowed the acidic monologue and spoke to Tinna with as gentle a tone as possible. Raising her intact left hand, she stood firm, steadying Tinna. The wary look in Tinna’s eyes was truly more painful than death to her.
This was Du Bai’s first close observation of Tinna since being hospitalized. The once cherished, plump cheeks of Tinna were now so emaciated that only a layer of skin remained, no longer the radiant and translucent appearance of the past, but stained with a decadent sallowness. That face was so familiar to her-would it ever again show that carefree, captivating smile?
Du Bai suppressed the urge to roar. Her throat felt burning. The sky so gray, as if it was pressing down, and for a moment, Du Bai wished that the world would not cease to exist.
Footnote:
- Traditional Chinese Medicine(中医):Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is an ancient medical system from China that primarily treats illnesses by regulating the body’s balance. It employs methods such as pulse diagnosis, herbal remedies, acupuncture, and massage, creating personalized treatment plans based on each individual’s specific symptoms.
