Waterbound Love - Chapter 17

Looking at Du Bai sitting at the bar, Shao was at a loss for a moment. She wanted to smash her head against the colorful pillar in the middle of the somn. How did things go from laughter and joy when they left to this scene now? Can someone explain what happened? Don’t tell her she’s cursed with bad luck, because if she said that out loud, someone would make sure she didn’t survive saying it.

Watching Du Bai down one drink after another, Shao didn’t intervene. She thought to herself that this girl was quite forward-thinking, having created a drink specifically for dealing with heartbreak.

Shao ordered a drink from the bartender and clinked her glass against Du Bai’s. “Got dumped?”

Du Bai glanced at Shao and finished her drink. “Pretty much.”

“Wow, that’s like a comet hitting the Earth. Let’s drink to those odds,” Shao said. She knew that questioning Du Bai while she was sober was as difficult as getting a Nationalist to talk to a Communist. Unless Du Bai wanted to share, she would just give an indifferent look that clearly said, “deal with it.”

Du Bai gave Shao a sidelong glance, knowing her little schemes but didn’t say much, just downed her drink. She had kept it bottled up too long; maybe talking about it would feel better. “You have a drink, and I’ll answer one of your questions.”

“That’s not fair. I’m such a pure and innocent girl, and you’ve had ulterior motives for a long time. I can’t trust you when I’m drunk.” With that, Shao downed her drink. Du Bai thought, “Whether you’re drunk or not, I can’t trust you. The way you look hungrily at just my back makes me wary.”

“What happened?”

Du Bai looked at the empty glass in front of her, raised an eyebrow, and didn’t bother with any sarcasm. She followed by drinking another glass. “She disappeared, or rather, she’s hiding from me.”

“Did you guys fight?”

“No.”

For a long, long time, no one spoke. It seemed like everything but breathing was unnecessary. “You fell in love with her?” Du Bai was grateful for the question. “No, we were just substitutes for each other. From the kisses to the hugs, I was doing all these things that moved her, making her see someone else through me. I didn’t care, though sometimes it was unbearably stifling, like I couldn’t breathe. I guess that’s just pride. But I didn’t expect her to just leave like this, playing the disappearing act with me.” Du Bai spoke lightly, giving no hint of her true feelings.

“I believe with your skills, finding her wouldn’t be a problem,” Shao said.

Du Bai looked at Shao and downed the drink the bartender had just made. “Let’s put it this way. If she wants to come, I’ll believe she won’t leave. If she leaves, I’ll consider she was never here. It’s such a popular saying.”

“Go find her,” Shao said, sounding vague and uncertain, because even she couldn’t follow through herself. What right did she have to preach to others?

“No need.” Du Bai swirled the drink in her glass, looking at the reflection on the glass, which quickly settled. She had an affinity for glass, one that bore a persistent sense of incompletion. “Aside from fulfilling each other’s needs and playing the roles the other required, we had no other way of living. We once tried to interact as our real selves, and after an hour-long phone call, both sides were silent. Her leaving might actually be a kind of relief.”

Shao stared at Du Bai, seeing her bitterness and helplessness. It felt like the air around them was filled with sadness. She wondered if things would have been different if she had persisted back then. “This doesn’t seem like the you I know. I mean, find her and lay everything out on the table, deal with it decisively. Whether she stays or leaves, that’s for the two of you to decide.” She paused, unconsciously fiddling with the glass in her hand. “Dithering doesn’t really suit you.”

Du Bai just smiled. “Woman, count how many drinks you owe me now.”

“Ugh, you really know how to ruin the mood. What else can you do besides bully me?” Shao swirled the drink in her hand. “Honestly, I think you should clear things up with her. It would be good for both of you to have some closure.” Shao put down her glass and pushed a card towards Du Bai. As she left, she said clearly, “Happiness isn’t as complicated as you think. If you want to do something, just do it. Even if it hurts, you won’t regret it.” With those words, Shao walked straight out. She knew she needed to turn her back on Du Bai to muster the courage to say these things; the brief moment of strength left her with no choice but to flee.

Du Bai watched Shao’s retreating figure thoughtfully. Maybe time really did change us, pushing us towards maturity. Since she was the breakthrough, she decided to open the door and let happiness come and go, even if it crossed someone else’s threshold. Exiting the somn, she hailed a taxi. “To Caisang Restaurant.”

As the car drove away, a white card fluttered gracefully in the wind. Du Bai didn’t bother to look at it and simply closed the window.

Seeing Tiantian bury her head in the menu amused Du Bai. How could this woman be so emotionally clueless? “That menu is supposed to be for me, isn’t it?”

“Sorry, I grabbed the wrong one. I’ll get you another.” Tiantian felt herself break into a sweat. This was abrupt, and she wasn’t ready or didn’t know how to face it.

“No need, I’m afraid the next thing to change wouldn’t just be the menu, but you as well.” Du Bai took a sip of water and continued, “Sit down.” Seeing Tiantian’s struggle, Du Bai smiled knowingly. “Don’t worry, I won’t make things difficult for you. I’ve already talked to your manager.” Du Bai chuckled to herself; of all places to escape to, Tiantian had run right into Shao’s territory.

Since things had come to this, Tiantian felt there was no point in saying anything more and sat down, perhaps hoping to find some answers today. Du Bai ordered an orange juice for Tiantian, who gave a bitter smile. It felt as if Du Bai used her to reminisce about someone else; she always ordered orange juice, forgetting that Tiantian didn’t actually like it.

Each woman fiddled with her drink, lost in her own thoughts, neither willing to break the silence. It wasn’t until the waiter approached to take their order that the silence was finally broken. Du Bai methodically began to order the meal.

“Why did you come looking for me?” Tiantian finally couldn’t hold back anymore. She felt her patience and endurance were far inferior to the person sitting across from her.

Du Bai just smiled, her voice sounding distant. “Maybe it’s time to make a clean break.”

Even though she knew this would be the answer, Tiantian still held onto some hope. Now that hope was ruthlessly shattered, and she forced a pained smile. “So, it’s true. I was foolish to think-” Looking at Tiantian’s anguished expression, Du Bai sighed. “From the moment you left, you should have known it was over between us, right?”

“Can’t we start over? Just the two of us?”

Du Bai avoided looking at Tiantian’s hopeful eyes, as doing so would make her feel even more cruel. “We can’t. Our beginning was rooted in seeing each other as substitutes. We’re too used to it, and we can’t change it.”

Tiantian leaned back in her chair in despair, staring blankly at the orange juice in front of her. “But emotions are uncontrollable; they change with our surroundings.” She paused, her eyes gleaming with a determinative light that made Du Bai envious. “I didn’t manage my feelings well during this process. I’ve fallen for you. What should I do?” She looked firmly at Du Bai, a look of reckless abandon in her eyes.

Du Bai’s eyes flickered with a moment of hesitation, a flash of pain that quickly disappeared, too fleeting to capture. Her face remained pale, as if she could see that blinding color spreading through the air again. She muttered, “Why does it have to be like this?” She lit a cigarette and watched the smoke curl upward, feeling somewhat calmer. After a long struggle, she finally leaned back powerlessly in her chair. “I know why you left.” As if talking to herself, without waiting for Tiantian to respond, she continued, “She’s back, right? The original person is back, so I should take my leave.”

The casual tone in Du Bai’s voice deeply wounded Tiantian, and tears began to fall uncontrollably. She wiped them away and calmed herself. Taking a cigarette from Du Bai’s pack, she began, “It’s been so long, let me tell you about me and her.” Tiantian glanced at the orange juice on the table without any desire to drink it, instead playing with it in her hands. “When she was with me, she dumped her ex and came back. I don’t know if people just have a tendency to degrade themselves, but when that woman crooked her finger and pretended to commit suicide, she ditched me and ran back to her. My desperate pleas must have meant nothing to her.” Coming out of her memories, Tiantian gazed intently at Du Bai. “Actually, it was when I realized I had fallen for you that I ran away. Give me a reason to stay, and I will. Okay? You know-”

Du Bai just looked at her steadily. “Do you like the sunshine?” As soon as she asked, Du Bai realized the answer didn’t matter; yes or no, it wouldn’t change her decision. Maybe she just wanted to get another person’s answer through Tiantian. Without waiting for Tiantian to respond, Du Bai continued, “There are many things we cannot bear. You’ve loved her for so long. Don’t let a fleeting emotion interfere. Embrace the happiness you’ve been waiting for.” Du Bai closed her eyes wearily. She wasn’t aware that in moments of deep sadness or uncertainty, she would close her eyes, as if unwilling to face or acknowledge certain truths. Ultimately, hearing it from someone else still made her heartache.

“A fleeting moment? Yeah, since you see it that way, it’s just a fleeting moment.” Tiantian’s heart screamed inside. If it were just a moment, she wouldn’t have chosen to run away, let alone for so long. She knew she couldn’t say these words out loud; if she did, she wouldn’t even have the right to look at Du Bai anymore. Tiantian wiped her face, trying hard to appear nonchalant. She pursed her lips and said, feigning ease, “This time, I really am leaving. Today may be our last day as a couple. Knowing your personality, we probably won’t meet again after this.” Seeing Du Bai’s knitted brows, Tiantian couldn’t bear it. She stretched lazily and said with forced lightness, “Let’s enjoy today. Just for today, let’s be ourselves.”

Du Bai looked at her and nodded, not wanting to argue. The dishes started to arrive one after another. Tiantian ate ravenously, as if this were the most delicious meal in the world. Du Bai lowered her head and saw that Tiantian’s tears hadn’t stopped; they were falling into her food. She was putting on a brave face, but with the state of her heart, it was likely that no delicacy could truly be savored. In the end, she had hurt Tiantian, but at least she would only be sad for a while. Her former love had returned and would protect her. At least she was still alive, and as long as she lived, new hopes would come.

“Could you order me a cup of coffee, Blue Mountain?” The anticipation in her voice was too strong, as if it wasn’t a small request but a wish she desperately hoped to fulfill.

“Sure.” As the Blue Mountain coffee was served, Tiantian smiled, a smile so genuine. Watching Tiantian smile, seeing the untouched orange juice being taken away, Du Bai’s heart tightened with a sharp pain that reached deep within her. This really was the end. No matter how much it might seem otherwise, she was not the one. She had delayed another woman again.

Du Bai might never know that both Blue Mountain coffee and orange juice are acidic drinks, yet I prefer Blue Mountain. Orange juice feels too lively and innocent. How many people who have truly loved are actually sunny and carefree? It plunges one into deep self-doubt. Blue Mountain, on the other hand, is as rich and somber as my heart now, tinged with faint sorrow. It isn’t bitter because those who have truly loved might suffer but don’t feel bitter or hopeless. That’s why I won’t tell Du Bai that she doesn’t love that girl. This is my form of revenge.