Chapter 4

There shouldn’t be any expectations.

As an adopted daughter, I have even less right to be angry.

But all the grievances from being ignored again and again in the past surged up at this moment.

Like the rising tide, they crashed fiercely against the high walls of my reason.

I shouted at Mom:

“I don’t want this! You said you’d celebrate my birthday alone.

“You promised to buy me a dress. Why can’t you keep your word?

“You’re always like this, always forgetting about me.

“I know I’m not your biological child. I’m always well-behaved. I only want this one thing. Can’t you give it to me?

“If you don’t like me, why did you take me in at all? You might as well have left me in the mountains to be bitten to death by wild dogs.”

…

Dad happened to come back from the bathroom and slapped me across the face.

“Your mom nearly lost her life giving birth to you, and we even had to pay a fine. Is this how you treat her?

“This is all our family can afford. You want this and that-do you think money grows on trees? You’re always making trouble.”

Dark clouds covered the moon, and the stars lost their light.

The fluorescent lamp in the main room flickered and crackled.

I looked at Mom, trembling all over, and asked, “Am I your biological child?”

Mom snapped:

“If I didn’t give birth to you, did you pop out of a crack in a rock?

“We wanted to have a son, so your brother would have a companion and support…

“And now, just for a dress, you treat me like this. I really don’t know why I gave birth to you!”

Biological.

So I am biological.

At that moment, my tears burst forth.

There were countless things I wanted to ask.

Countless grievances I wanted to pour out.

But seeing the angry, resentful faces of my parents, I felt a lump in my throat, turned, and ran into the dark night.

Why?

Why, as their biological child, do I always have to wait to celebrate my birthday together with my brother?

Why, as their biological child, do I always have to give way to my brother?

Why, as their biological child, does my brother get the full moon, while I only get a faint firefly?

I ran all the way to the Earth God Temple on the mountain and cried my heart out.

I don’t know how much time passed before the moon came out.

It stretched Shasha’s shadow long, all the way to my feet.

She was still wearing the clothes she’d worn during the day to spray pesticide in the fields, but her hands were washed clean, holding a pink floral dress.

“I bought this in town. It’s for you!

“Don’t cry. We’re both adopted. From now on, I’ll be your big sister.

“Happy birthday, Xiaoxia.”

…

I didn’t take the dress. Choking with sobs, I said, “Shasha, my mom just told me… I’m actually her biological child…”