The Worst Friend - Chapter 9
Chapter 9
After that night, our circle of friends really did shatter.
Some people left the group chat.
Some messaged me privately, saying I’d gone too far.
Some cursed Zhou Yan for being a bastard.
The next morning, the annual contract fell through.
Liang Xu pulled out as the middleman, and the client suddenly said they needed to think it over.
In the project group chat, his partners tore into Zhou Yan, saying he’d destroyed half a year’s worth of groundwork over an ex.
Things weren’t much better on my end.
My supervisor called me into the office and asked whether my personal relationships had already started affecting project coordination.
Some people also told me to calm down.
“Liang Xu is just being stubborn. He actually still loves you.”
I stared at that message and deleted the chat.
Love wasn’t a belated pardon.
He couldn’t wait until I’d finally left, then take it out and expect me to be grateful.
Zhou Yan didn’t come home with me that night.
His friends took him to get the cut at the corner of his mouth treated.
I stood at the entrance of the club, the wind chilling my hands.
On WeChat, he only sent one sentence.
“Let me know when you get home.”
I stared at those words and suddenly wanted to yell at him.
Yell at him for still pretending to be so composed at a time like this.
Yell at him for not asking if what I’d just said was true.
Yell at him for not taking the chance to force me to admit it.
But in the end, I only replied with one word.
“Okay.”
The next afternoon, Liang Xu came to my place.
When I opened the door, he was standing outside, his eyes bloodshot.
He looked wretched.
In the past, my heart would have ached for him.
Now, I only felt tired.
“What is it?”
“Do we really have to be like this?”
I held the door.
“Like what?”
“Like enemies.”
“We’re not enemies.”
For an instant, his eyes lit up.
Then I continued, “We’re just over.”
That faint light went out again.
“I shouldn’t have hit Zhou Yan that day.”
“You should tell him that.”
“I will.”
“Shen Que, I really regret it.”
I didn’t interrupt him.
He said, “I always thought you couldn’t leave me.”
“When you were angry, I just had to coax you a little and it would be fine.”
“When you were sad, you’d come back on your own after a few days.”
“I knew you loved me, so I always acted like I had nothing to fear.”
His voice went hoarse as he reached that point.
“It wasn’t until you stood in front of him.”
“That I realized you could choose not to want me too.”
If he’d said those words a month earlier, I might have cried.
But now, I only felt calm.
So it turned out that people really could, on some ordinary day, suddenly walk out of a relationship.
Not because it didn’t hurt.
But because they no longer treated pain as a reason to turn back.
I said, “Liang Xu, I loved you very much before.”
His eyes reddened.
I went on, “But that was never proof that you could keep hurting me.”
He lowered his head.
“I know.”
“You don’t.”
“You’ve only finally lost.”
Liang Xu’s voice grew hoarse.
“Do you love Zhou Yan?”
My fingertips curled slightly.
I didn’t answer right away.
Because the question was too heavy.
The word love-I had once given it too completely.
So completely that when someone later trampled it to pieces, even gathering the fragments left me in a sorry state.
I thought for a moment.
“I don’t know.”
I said, “But I want to try.”
“Even though he’s my friend?”
“Even so.”
“Even though everyone will talk about you?”
“They already have.”
Liang Xu laughed once.
It was an ugly laugh.
“Shen Que, you weren’t like this before.”
“Mm.”
I nodded.
“The old me was always waiting for you to choose me.”
Liang Xu’s eyes grew even redder.
“And now?”
“Now I choose for myself.”
After Liang Xu left, I sent Zhou Yan a message.
“Where are you?”
He replied quickly.
“At the office.”
“Come to my place after work.”
There was a long pause on his end.
“Are you sure?”
I looked at those three words and laughed in anger.
I called him straight away.
Zhou Yan picked up quickly.
I said, “Zhou Yan, if you ask me if I’m sure one more time, I’m blocking you.”
His end of the line went quiet for two seconds.
Then he laughed softly.
“Okay.”
“What are you laughing at?”
“Nothing.”
“How’s your mouth?”
“It’s fine.”
“Liang Xu came to see me.”
Zhou Yan went silent.
“Mm.”
“He said he regretted it.”
“Mm.”
“That’s all? Just ‘mm’?”
“I’m listening.”
I leaned back against the sofa. All of a sudden, I felt like crying and laughing at the same time.
“Zhou Yan.”
“I’m here.”
“I told him I wanted to try.”
His breathing clearly eased.
I asked deliberately, “Did you understand that?”
There was no sound from the other end for a long time.
So long I thought the signal had cut out.
Then he said, “I understood.”
I closed my eyes for a moment.
“Then hurry up after work.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t buy flowers.”
“Mm.”
“And don’t buy expensive wine.”
“Mm.”
“Buy congee.”
Zhou Yan finally laughed again.
“Okay.”
Half an hour later, he arrived.
Faster than I’d expected.
In his hand, he carried plain congee, a contract that had been returned, and a bag of sugar-roasted chestnuts.
He set the contract on the entryway cabinet.
The corner of the papers had been crumpled in his grip.
I looked at the bag of chestnuts.
“I didn’t say I wanted those.”
“Last time we passed by, you looked at them twice.”
My throat tightened.
He was always like this.
Picking up, one by one, all the little things I had tossed aside without thinking.
I stepped aside to let him in.
When Zhou Yan changed his shoes, his movements were a little hesitant.
I asked, “Are you nervous?”
“Mm.”
I laughed.
“You get nervous too?”
He looked up at me.
The cut at the corner of his mouth still hadn’t fully healed, and when he smiled, it looked like it hurt a little.
“I do.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“That you’re only going soft on me.”
I walked over and took the bag from his hand.
“I’m not that kindhearted.”
Zhou Yan set down the shoehorn, his fingers tightening at the side of his knee.
I said, “Zhou Yan, I still haven’t said I love you.”
“Mm.”
“And I can’t guarantee I won’t fight with you in the future.”
“I know.”
“I’m hard to coax.”
“I’ll learn.”
“You stepped aside once before. You are not allowed to do it again.”
He froze.
I said, word by word, “I’m not a prize. I don’t belong to whoever wins or loses between you two.”
The faint smile in Zhou Yan’s eyes slowly faded.
He nodded very seriously.
“I know.”
“Even if you don’t, you’d better learn.”
“Okay.”
He made me laugh in exasperation.
“Do you know how to say anything besides ‘okay’?”
Zhou Yan set his things down and took one step closer.
He didn’t touch me.
He only stood very close.
“Shen Que.”
“Mm?”
“I won’t step back again.”
My chest went hot.
Outside the window, the sky had already darkened.
City lights came on one by one.
We stood in the entryway like two people who had finally escaped an old relationship.
Neither of us was clean.
Neither of our reputations was pretty.
But in that moment, I suddenly didn’t want to explain anymore.
I didn’t want to tell anyone whether we were wrong.
I didn’t want to prove that I wasn’t taking revenge, that I hadn’t lost control, that I hadn’t grabbed hold of the one person I least should have at my ugliest moment.
Because I really had grabbed him.
And I really didn’t want to let go.
I reached out and took Zhou Yan’s hand.
His fingers stiffened for a moment, then quickly closed around mine.
With so much force it felt like confirmation.
I looked up at him.
“Zhou Yan.”
“Mm.”
“You really are the worst friend.”
He lowered his head and laughed.
“And you still want me?”
I thought about it.
Then I leaned in and kissed the split corner of his mouth.
“I do.”
“It’s not like I’m a good person either.”
