The Worst Friend - Chapter 7
Chapter 7
We truly crossed the line three days later.
Not on that rainy night.
Not when our emotions were at their most unhinged.
It was on a perfectly ordinary evening.
My fever had gone down, so I went to Zhou Yan’s place to pick up the scarf I’d left behind.
When he opened the door, he’d just gotten out of the shower, his hair still damp.
I stood in the doorway and suddenly wanted to retreat.
Zhou Yan saw it.
“Come in.”
I stubbornly stayed where I was.
“Give me my scarf.”
He turned to get it.
I watched his back and suddenly felt ridiculous.
We had clearly kissed in the rain that day.
We had clearly laid everything out between us.
But when things really quieted down, I started getting scared again.
Scared that this thing between us would become real.
Scared that revenge would turn into sincerity.
Scared I would hand myself over again, only to be treated like a burden.
Zhou Yan handed me the scarf.
“Anything else?”
I looked at his indifferent face, and my temper flared again.
“I can’t come if there’s nothing else?”
“You can.”
“Then why do you look like you’re trying to kick me out?”
“I’m afraid you’ll regret it.”
I hated that sentence most of all.
As if everyone else was more sober than me.
As if I would always be the one ruled by emotion, the one who fell apart afterward and needed someone else to clean up the mess.
I threw the scarf back onto the sofa.
“Are you afraid I’ll regret it, or are you afraid you won’t be able to stop yourself?”
Zhou Yan’s gaze darkened.
I stepped closer to him.
“Liang Xu said you’re good at calculating.”
“Mm.”
“Did you calculate this moment too?”
Zhou Yan said nothing.
I raised a hand and touched his jaw.
“Did you calculate that I’d come back to find you?”
He caught my hand.
“Shen Que.”
“Are you going to lecture me again?”
“No.”
“Then what are you going to say?”
He looked at me, his breathing very soft.
“Don’t treat tonight as revenge.”
My heart jolted.
Zhou Yan said, “If you want to piss Liang Xu off, I can keep playing along with you.”
“If you want to prove someone still wants you, that’s fine too.”
“But not tonight.”
His fingers circled my wrist, the pads of them burning hot.
“If you stay tonight, it can only be because you want to.”
I stared at him.
The room was so quiet that only the hum of the air conditioner remained.
All of a sudden, I wanted to run.
But I didn’t.
I asked, “What if I do want to?”
The restraint in Zhou Yan’s eyes finally cracked.
He didn’t kiss me right away.
He only lowered his head and rested his forehead against my shoulder.
Like someone who had endured for too long and was finally allowing himself a breath.
I lifted my arms and held him.
“Zhou Yan.”
“Mm.”
“I can’t promise I won’t regret it tomorrow.”
“That’s okay.”
“I have a terrible temper.”
“I know.”
“I’ll bring up old grudges.”
“Mm.”
“Maybe I really just can’t leave you for the time being.”
He lifted his head and looked at me.
“Then let it be for the time being.”
The sentence was so light.
Yet harsher than any promise.
Suddenly, I couldn’t take it anymore.
I kissed him.
Later, I deliberately forgot many of the details.
I only remembered Zhou Yan’s hand staying at the back of my neck, protecting me the whole time.
I remembered that every time he came close, he would pause first to see if I was going to pull away.
I remembered that when I bit his shoulder, he didn’t cry out in pain. He only called my name in a low voice.
Shen Que.
As if making sure I was still there.
When I woke the next morning, the first thing I saw was Zhou Yan’s profile.
The curtains hadn’t been pulled all the way shut.
Sunlight fell across the bridge of his nose.
I lay there for a while, and my first reaction was to run.
Pathetic.
But I really did want to run.
I got out of bed as quietly as I could. Just as I picked up my clothes, a voice sounded behind me.
“Where are you going?”
My back went stiff.
Zhou Yan was already awake.
He was leaning against the headboard, watching me.
His eyes were terribly clear.
I pretended to be perfectly natural.
“Work.”
“It’s Saturday.”
“Overtime.”
“You said yesterday you weren’t working overtime this week.”
I turned back and glared at him.
“Isn’t it annoying, having such a good memory?”
Zhou Yan looked at me for a few seconds, then lifted the blanket and got out of bed.
I instinctively stepped back.
He stopped.
“Scared?”
I refused to admit it.
“Who’s scared?”
“Then stay for breakfast.”
“I’m not eating.”
“If you leave now, I won’t chase after you.”
My movements stopped.
“Are you threatening me?”
“I’m giving you a way out.”
Zhou Yan walked closer.
“Shen Que.”
I couldn’t stand it when he called me like that.
Like he was scolding me.
And like he was coaxing me.
I turned my face away.
“Don’t take what happened last night seriously.”
The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them.
Zhou Yan’s eyes visibly dimmed.
But he didn’t get angry.
He only said, “Okay.”
A sharp ache pricked through my chest.
“What do you mean?”
“If you say not to take it seriously, then I won’t.”
That made me even angrier.
“So it doesn’t matter to you at all?”
Zhou Yan looked at me.
“Weren’t you the one who told me not to take it seriously?”
I was left speechless.
The calmer he was, the more pathetic I looked.
In the end, I grabbed the scarf and left.
The door slammed heavily behind me.
As the elevator descended, I stared at myself in the mirror.
There was a faint red mark on my neck.
I raised my hand and pressed it over the spot.
All of a sudden, I felt truly awful.
I had clearly already fallen for him.
Yet I still had to hurt him first, just to make sure he wouldn’t leave.
