The Summer Never Warmed - Chapter 1
Chapter 1
We’d been married three years, and every day we made love like we were at war.
The first time I pushed Xie Yanli away in bed.
My nightgown had been pushed up to my waist, the straps hanging loose on my arms.
Suddenly a line of bullet comments drifted across my eyes.
*The supporting female lead seems to be enjoying this. She can’t really think the male lead cries her to sleep every night because he loves her, can she? The one he truly wants is his own secretary.*
Only a single wall lamp was lit in the room.
One of his hands braced by my ear.
His breathing was heavy.
“Are you all right?”
I didn’t answer.
Because just a few seconds earlier.
A line of text had appeared before my eyes.
*The supporting female lead seems to be enjoying this.*
Then.
A second line.
*She can’t really think Xie Yanli touches her because he loves her, can she? The one he truly wants is his own secretary.*
My whole body went rigid.
The man lowered his head to look at me.
“Where does it hurt?”
I stared at him.
The bullet comments passed right through the space between his brows and eyes.
*Don’t worry. It’ll be over soon.*
*Cheng Lingyi is already back in the country.*
*The true female lead is finally coming home to the male lead.*
Cheng Lingyi.
I knew her.
Xie Yanli’s personal secretary.
And the only woman who could walk into his study without knocking.
The color drained from my face, little by little.
Xie Yanli noticed.
He reached out to feel my forehead.
“Why is your face so pale?”
I turned away.
His hand hung in midair.
This was the first time.
Back when we were in bed.
I had rarely refused him.
To be precise.
Even at the worst point in our relationship, I never had.
What Xie Yanli and I did best.
Was fight during the day.
And sleep together at night.
Sometimes we’d just left a banquet, cold-faced and ignoring each other.
We’d get home.
He’d toss his watch onto the nightstand.
I’d sit at the vanity taking off my earrings.
Neither of us speaking.
But ten minutes after I came out of the bath.
Things would usually spiral out of control.
So right now.
He clearly didn’t understand.
“Wen Zhixia.”
He said my full name.
I knew.
This was the prelude to his displeasure.
I pulled the blanket over.
“Not tonight.”
He looked at me.
A few seconds later.
He straightened up.
“All right.”
No entanglement.
No resentment.
He even pulled the strap that had slipped back up onto my shoulder.
Then he lifted the blanket and got out of bed.
I watched his back.
And suddenly felt a little miserable.
But the bullet comments kept going.
*The male lead has actually always kept his distance.*
*The one he truly likes, he’d never bear to touch if she didn’t want it.*
*As for the supporting female lead—they’re legally married, that’s all.*
I closed my eyes.
That night.
Xie Yanli didn’t come back to bed.
Xie Yanli was not a rich man in the ordinary sense.
The Xie family had stood in Harbor City for four generations.
They started in shipping.
Later moved into finance, real estate, and private banking.
The main residence of the Xie family’s eldest branch didn’t even have a house number.
Outsiders just called it the Xie Mansion.
Xie Yanli formally joined the family board of directors at twenty-seven.
At thirty-one he took over the family trust.
And he was the only heir of his generation.
When I married him.
All of Harbor City said I’d landed on my feet.
Because marrying Xie Yanli.
Meant gaining not just a husband.
But the seat of the Xie family’s next mistress.
Only I knew.
That seat was anything but comfortable.
Xie Yanli as a person.
Had never been like a normal person, not since he was a boy.
When I was seventeen, the two of us attended a banquet together.
A group of boys drinking out back.
Someone baited him on purpose.
“Young Master Xie, you’ve never lost at anything, have you?”
He was sitting on the sofa.
Shirt buttoned all the way to the top.
He just lifted his eyes when he heard that.
“Lost.”
“When?”
He glanced at me.
“When she was eight.”
Everyone looked at me.
I was rather pleased with myself.
“What did I ever beat you at?”
He said.
“Rock paper scissors.”
Me: “…”
I threw my wine glass at him.
Thinking about it later.
Xie Yanli had probably been thoroughly sick of me since then.
Because I was different from everyone else.
Other people feared him.
I didn’t.
Other people called him Mr. Xie.
I called him Xie Yanli.
Other people waited for him to speak.
I’d sit right on the arm of his chair and steal his drink.
We met when we were eighteen.
Married at twenty-four.
The reason we married was simple enough too.
Our families thought it fitting.
My father asked me.
“Xie Yanli—you marrying him or not?”
I was eating grapes at the time.
Thought about it.
“Guess I am.”
Because I liked him.
Had liked him for years.
Just never said so.
I used to think.
With time so long.
One day.
I’d find out whether he liked me too.
Later.
I waited three years.
Still never found out.
The next morning.
When I came downstairs.
Xie Yanli was already in the dining room.
He’d changed into a dark-gray suit.
Standing beside him was Cheng Lingyi.
She’d just come back from Europe.
I hadn’t seen her in two years.
She was the same as before.
Beautiful.
Composed.
Always in sharply tailored suits.
She spoke evenly.
Never made a mistake.
Cheng Lingyi had been at Xie Yanli’s side for seven years.
From his private office to the family board.
Every important appointment of his.
She knew it all.
What he disliked.
What he was allergic to.
When his stomach ached.
Which meetings he couldn’t have coffee before.
She knew better than I did.
Even on our wedding day.
It was Cheng Lingyi who reminded me.
“Madam, the gentleman dislikes anyone touching his cufflinks.”
I asked then.
“What about me?”
She paused.
“You may.”
I was rather happy about that.
Thinking about it now.
Pathetic, really.
I’d just stepped in.
Cheng Lingyi saw me first.
“Madam.”
I gave a nod.
Xie Yanli lifted his eyes.
His gaze lingered on my face for two seconds.
“Did you sleep well last night?”
“Quite well.”
He said nothing.
Cheng Lingyi set a document by his hand.
“Sir, the guest list for tonight’s family banquet.”
A bullet comment appeared.
*Secretary Cheng is back.*
*Look at the male lead’s state—anyone can tell who truly belongs at his side.*
*One of them runs his life.*
*The other takes part in his world.*
My hand stilled on the back of the chair I was pulling out.
Fair point.
Xie Yanli and I had been married three years.
And I had never once truly entered the Xie family’s core affairs.
He wouldn’t let me touch them.
Not that he was guarding against me.
His exact words were:
“You don’t need to bother with that.”
“Do what you like.”
I used to think.
He was protecting me.
Only now did I see.
Maybe he just thought I wasn’t fit to take part.
Halfway through breakfast.
Xie Yanli suddenly asked.
“Which one do you want to wear tonight?”
I didn’t catch on.
“What?”
“Your gown.”
“Whatever.”
His brow twitched faintly.
“Didn’t you used to pick a month ahead?”
I kept my head down, cutting my bread.
“Can’t be bothered to choose.”
“Jewelry?”
“Anything’s fine.”
Xie Yanli looked at me.
“Wen Zhixia.”
“Hmm?”
“You’ve been off since last night.”
I smiled a little.
“Off how?”
He didn’t answer.
Cheng Lingyi stood off to the side.
And I suddenly felt like an outsider.
So I put down my knife and fork.
“I’m done.”
Xie Yanli looked at my barely-touched breakfast.
“What did you eat?”
“Not hungry.”
“Sit down.”
In the past, when he said that.
I’d definitely have picked a fight.
Who gave him the right to order me around.
You’re my husband, not my father.
But this time.
I only said.
“No need.”
And left.
Behind me it was a little too quiet.
That night was the Xie family banquet.
Xie Yanli’s grandmother’s eightieth birthday.
The Xie side branches.
Board members.
A few elders from politics and business.
All of them there.
Xie Yanli sat at the head table.
I should have been beside him.
But I arrived late.
And that seat was already taken.
By Cheng Lingyi.
She was leaning in, speaking quietly to Xie Yanli.
The two of them close.
Xie Yanli inclined his ear to listen.
A bullet comment appeared.
*The iconic scene.*
*The supporting female lead finally realizes she can’t squeeze in.*
*Cheng Lingyi isn’t just any secretary—her mother and Madam Xie were old friends.*
*The Xie family’s favored daughter-in-law was always her.*
I stopped where I stood.
The next second.
Xie Yanli looked up and saw me.
He all but shot to his feet.
“What took you so long?”
I smiled.
“Traffic.”
He frowned.
“Where’s the driver?”
“I drove myself.”
“I told you tonight—”
“Yanli.”
Someone called to him from the side.
Xie Yanli turned his head.
I took the chance to walk to another table.
Found an empty seat at random.
No sooner had I sat than.
The person beside me laughed.
“Mrs. Xie.”
I looked up.
Pei Zheng.
Xie Yanli’s cousin.
And a childhood friend of mine.
“Why are you sitting over here?”
“There’s a seat here.”
He glanced toward the head table.
Meaningfully.
“Fighting?”
“No.”
“Then Xie Yanli pissed you off.”
“Why couldn’t it be me pissing him off?”
Pei Zheng laughed.
“Would he dare?”
Before I could answer.
A bullet comment flashed before my eyes.
*The second male lead appears.*
*Pity the supporting female lead doesn’t fancy him.*
*Later, after the male lead calls off the marriage for the true female lead, Pei Zheng stays by her side the whole time.*
My hand stilled on my wine glass.
So in the end.
I really would part from Xie Yanli.
I don’t know why.
But reading that line.
I suddenly felt lighter.
Since I already knew the ending.
There was no point sinking in too deep.
Pei Zheng held out his glass.
“Drink?”
I tapped mine against his.
From the head table.
Someone set down a wine glass.
Not loud.
But the room went quiet all at once.
I looked up.
Xie Yanli was looking at me.
His face calm.
No emotion to read.
But I knew.
He was displeased.
From the time we were small.
The angrier he got.
The calmer he became.
I looked away.
And went on talking to Pei Zheng.
Before long.
Cheng Lingyi came over.
“Madam.”
“The gentleman asks you to come over.”
I smiled.
“I’m fine right here.”
She paused.
“The gentleman said—”
“Secretary Cheng.”
I looked at her.
“You’re his secretary.”
“Not mine.”
She froze.
The room quieted.
I regretted it the moment I said it.
Cheng Lingyi had done nothing.
And I was taking it out on her.
“Sorry.”
I stood.
“I need the restroom.”
Passing her.
A bullet comment drifted slowly by.
*Jealous.*
*Pity the female lead can’t be bothered to compete with her.*
My steps quickened.
The restroom was on the second floor.
I’d just washed my hands.
The door opened.
Xie Yanli walked in.
I started.
“This is the ladies’ room.”
“I know.”
“What are you doing in here?”
He locked the door behind him.
I froze.
“Xie Yanli.”
He came toward me.
“What did that mean just now?”
“What?”
“Cheng Lingyi.”
“Nothing meant.”
“Then what about Pei Zheng?”
I frowned.
“What’s Pei Zheng got to do with anything?”
“You looked at him twenty-seven times tonight.”
Me: “…”
“Are you insane?”
“Counted them?”
“No.”
“Then how do you know twenty-seven?”
He said nothing.
I suddenly wanted to laugh.
“Xie Yanli.”
“You’re not jealous, are you?”
Before.
This was my favorite question to ask him.
Every time he’d say, cold-faced.
“Overthinking it.”
But this time.
He didn’t answer.
Just looked at me.
Close.
Close enough to catch the scent of his sandalwood on me.
My heartbeat skipped.
I stepped back.
My waist hit the sink.
One of his hands landed at my side.
“Why wouldn’t you let me touch you last night?”
My face went hot.
“We’re in public.”
“So?”
“What are you asking that for?”
“Answer.”
I hated that tone of his.
Since we were children.
Like everyone had to listen to him.
I pushed him.
“Move.”
He didn’t budge.
“Wen Zhixia.”
“You’ve been avoiding me lately.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
He lowered his head.
His gaze on my lips.
“Not like before.”
My chest ached, suddenly.
Before.
Before, I thought you liked me.
I didn’t say it.
Just smiled a little.
“People tire of things.”
In that instant.
Xie Yanli’s expression changed.
Subtly.
But it made me want to take it back.
He asked.
“Tired?”
I didn’t answer.
“Of who?”
“Does that need spelling out?”
His jaw tightened.
A long while.
“Fine.”
He stepped back.
And actually let me go.
That night, going home.
We had our first real fight.
The car pulled into the Xie Mansion.
I’d barely stepped out.
Xie Yanli called after me from behind.
“Wen Zhixia.”
I didn’t stop.
He caught up in a few strides.
Caught my wrist.
“Say what you mean.”
“What did I say?”
“Tired.”
I looked at him.
“So what?”
“I’m not allowed to be tired?”
He stared at me.
“Why weren’t you tired before?”
I suddenly found it absurd.
“Xie Yanli, don’t you think you manage too much?”
“I’m your husband.”
“For now.”
The moment those words left me.
The world went completely still.
His hand loosened, little by little.
“For now?”
My chest tightened.
But the bullet comments kept coming.
*The male lead is just used to the supporting female lead orbiting him.*
*The moment she pulls away, of course he’s uncomfortable.*
*Possessiveness isn’t love.*
I watched those words.
And forced myself calm.
“We were a family-arranged marriage from the start.”
“The day it stops fitting.”
“Parting ways is perfectly normal.”
Xie Yanli looked at me for a long time.
Then he laughed.
He rarely laughed.
So that single moment.
Made me afraid instead.
“Normal.”
“Mm.”
“Wen Zhixia.”
His voice was very soft.
“Say it again.”
I said nothing.
The next second.
He lowered his head and kissed me.
Not like before.
No testing the waters.
No time given for me to react.
My back hit the door.
One hand of his locked at my waist.
The other pinched my chin.
The kiss was hard.
I was forced to tilt my face up.
My breathing fell apart fast.
“Xie—”
He didn’t let me speak.
I pushed him.
He only lifted me instead.
I clutched his shoulders in alarm.
“Have you lost your mind?”
“Weren’t you tired?”
He looked at me.
Eyes very dark.
“Running from what?”
My face burned.
“Put me down.”
“No.”
“Xie Yanli.”
“Mm.”
He carried me upstairs.
The house staff all lowered their heads.
I wanted to bury my face somewhere.
Into the bedroom.
The door had just closed.
And I was set on the bed.
He stood by the bed.
Unbuttoning his cufflinks, unhurried.
I tensed a little.
“What are you doing?”
“Running a test.”
“On what?”
He set the cufflinks on the nightstand.
Looked down at me.
“Whether you’re actually tired or not.”
Me: “…”
That night.
I really didn’t prove my case well.
Because when Xie Yanli lowered his head to kiss me.
I still hugged him without thinking.
He knew me too well.
Knew where I was ticklish.
Knew just how to kiss me so I’d flinch away.
Knew when I said no with my mouth.
When I meant it.
And when I was only embarrassed.
But right at the most intimate moment.
A bullet comment appeared.
*Is the male lead picturing Cheng Lingyi instead of her?*
My whole body went rigid.
Xie Yanli stopped at once.
“What’s wrong?”
I looked at him.
My mind a mess.
And I asked, suddenly.
“Who are you thinking of right now?”
The room went quiet.
His breathing hadn’t even settled.
“What?”
“When you kiss me.”
My voice was very soft.
“Who are you thinking of?”
Xie Yanli looked at me.
For a long time.
Then slowly straightened up.
In that moment.
I learned for the first time.
That a person’s eyes can truly go cold.
Not anger.
But the cold after being hurt.
All the way through.
He pulled the blanket up over me.
“Wen Zhixia.”
“Who do you think it was?”
I didn’t answer.
He stood.
Shirt in disarray.
Collar loose.
But still buttoned it all back up, bit by bit.
At last.
He said.
“Forget it.”
After that night.
For a full twenty days.
He didn’t touch me again.
At first.
I was relieved.
Later.
It only grew harder to bear.
Xie Yanli still came home every day.
Still ate with me.
Still asked the driver where I’d gone.
But something seemed to come between us, all at once.
Before, when I kicked off the blanket at midnight.
He’d cover me.
Now.
We didn’t sleep in the same bed.
Before, when my heels ached in high heels.
He’d crouch to check.
Now.
He only had Cheng Lingyi bring over a pair of flats.
So the bullet comments said again.
*See.*
*The one who truly understands the male lead is back.*
*Cheng Lingyi even knows how to look after the supporting female lead for him.*
I wanted to see her less and less.
Yet she only turned up more often.
Xie family board reshuffle.
She went with Xie Yanli.
Private wine tasting.
She went with Xie Yanli.
Once, at two in the morning.
I went to the study for something.
The door was open.
Cheng Lingyi was standing inside.
In her hands a deep-blue velvet box.
I recognized it.
It was the emerald ring passed down to the eldest-branch mistress of the Xie family.
When we married.
Grandmother had said.
Once Xie Yanli formally took over the family.
That ring would be given to me.
Now.
It was in Cheng Lingyi’s hands.
The bullet comments erupted.
*Finally.*
*The Xie family formally acknowledges the true female lead.*
*The ring never belonged to the supporting female lead anyway.*
I stood outside the door.
Ice all through me.
Cheng Lingyi saw me first.
Her expression shifted.
“Madam.”
I looked to Xie Yanli.
He sat behind the desk.
“What are you two doing?”
He seemed about to say something.
But I no longer wanted to hear it.
“No need to explain.”
Xie Yanli’s brow furrowed.
“Wen Zhixia.”
“I’m tired.”
I turned.
He called after me from behind.
I didn’t look back.
The next day.
I moved out of the Xie Mansion.
Xie Yanli wasn’t there.
I’d deliberately picked a time he’d be at a board meeting.
Not much to take.
What was truly mine.
Turned out to be just two suitcases.
As I left.
Cheng Lingyi came.
She stood in the doorway.
“Madam.”
I smiled a little.
“No need to call me that anymore.”
She frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
I pulled my suitcase toward the door.
But she blocked me.
“Where are you going?”
“Secretary Cheng.”
“This is my business.”
“Does the gentleman know?”
“No.”
“Then you can’t go.”
I finally lost it.
“Why?”
“Because he won’t allow it?”
“Or because once I’m gone.”
I looked at her.
“You’ll have an easier time moving in?”
Cheng Lingyi went completely still.
“What?”
I smiled a little.
“Forget it.”
“No need to act.”
Her expression grew stranger and stranger.
“Madam.”
“Have you misunderstood something?”
I didn’t answer.
And walked straight out.
That night.
Xie Yanli found me.
I was at a hotel.
The doorbell rang a long time.
I opened the door.
He stood outside.
No coat.
He must have come straight from a meeting.
“Come home.”
Those were his first words.
I said.
“No.”
“Wen Zhixia.”
“I’m not discussing this with you.”
In the past, hearing that.
I’d have been furious, fought him.
But that day.
I only stepped aside.
“Come in.”
He glanced at me.
And walked into the room.
I set a document on the table.
“I’ve already signed.”
He looked down.
A marriage dissolution petition.
His face cooled, little by little.
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what it says.”
“The reason.”
“Incompatible personalities.”
“Lie.”
I fell silent.
He looked up.
“Tell the truth.”
I suddenly felt so tired.
“Xie Yanli.”
“You’ve always thought I wasn’t fit for the Xie family, haven’t you?”
“Who said that?”
“You never let me touch anything.”
“I let you do what you like.”
“What about Cheng Lingyi?”
The room went quiet.
He finally understood.
“What does she have to do with this?”
I smiled a little.
“Look.”
“You won’t even admit it.”
“Admit what?”
I looked at him.
“You like her.”
Xie Yanli didn’t speak for a good ten-odd seconds.
Then.
He actually laughed.
The first time I’d seen someone laughed to anger.
“Wen Zhixia.”
“You think.”
“You like Cheng Lingyi?”
“Don’t you?”
“No.”
“Then the ring?”
He stalled a beat.
I understood at once.
“Forget it.”
“No need to say it.”
I turned.
The next second.
My wrist was caught.
Before I could react.
I was pulled right back.
My back landing against his chest.
He lowered his head.
Voice at my ear.
“You asked.”
“So hear the answer.”
I struggled.
“Let go.”
“No.”
“Xie Yanli.”
“That ring.”
He said.
“Was sent to be resized.”
I froze.
“What?”
“You said last year it was loose.”
“Cheng Lingyi’s mother is the Xie family’s jewelry consultant of thirty years.”
“So it was with her.”
I said nothing.
But a bullet comment appeared at once.
*Excuse.*
*The male lead would never admit it.*
The flicker of doubt that had just risen in me.
Was pressed back down.
“Then why do you tell her everything?”
“Because she’s my secretary.”
“Why can she into your study?”
“She has work access.”
“Why does she know you better than I do?”
Xie Yanli went quiet, suddenly.
A long while.
He said.
“Because you never asked.”
I froze.
He let go of me.
Stepped back a pace.
“When I take my medicine.”
“Which day there’s a meeting.”
“Which project’s in trouble.”
“Did you ever ask?”
I opened my mouth.
No sound came.
Xie Yanli looked at me.
“You only ever asked me.”
“What time you’d be home tonight.”
“Whether you’d keep me company on the weekend.”
“Whether the dress you bought looked good.”
“Whether we’d go to the beach tomorrow.”
He spoke slowly.
“I thought that was enough.”
“Because those trivial things.”
“I never wanted you to bother with.”
My eyes stung, suddenly.
He went on.
“Cheng Lingyi knows my schedule.”
“Because I pay her salary.”
“You don’t know.”
“Because every time a trip ended.”
“I came home and told you.”
The room was terribly quiet.
I looked at him.
But a bullet comment jumped out.
*The male lead is starting to coax her.*
*Don’t believe it.*
*He just doesn’t want a divorce now, it’d mess up the inheritance.*
I closed my eyes.
“Forget it.”
Xie Yanli’s expression changed completely.
“Forget it again?”
“Mm.”
“Wen Zhixia.”
“I explained.”
“You still don’t believe me.”
I said nothing.
“Then what do you want from me?”
This was the first time.
I’d ever heard Xie Yanli use that tone.
Not an order.
Not coldness.
Helplessness.
My chest ached.
But in the end.
I still said.
“Let’s divorce.”
Three days later.
The Xie family called an heir’s meeting.
I shouldn’t have gone.
But Grandmother sent for me.
She said.
“You and Yanli can fuss all you like.”
“But this day.”
“You must be there.”
I went.
The Xie family main hall was packed.
Xie Yanli stood at the front.
Cheng Lingyi behind him.
A bullet comment appeared.
*The finale is coming.*
*The male lead formally takes over the Xie family.*
*The female lead is finally going to stand at his side.*
I looked at Cheng Lingyi.
And felt, strangely, almost nothing.
Until Xie Yanli began to speak.
The last item.
Was the public disclosure of the family trust beneficiaries.
The lawyer read out a name.
Wen Zhixia.
I froze.
Then.
A second document.
Permanent beneficiary of the Xie family private fund.
Wen Zhixia.
A third.
Emergency authorized agent for Xie Yanli’s personal assets.
Still me.
The whole hall went quiet.
I looked at him.
The bullet comments stalled for the first time too.
Several seconds passed.
Before they appeared.
*Just arrangements for the duration of the marriage.*
*They’ll be changed later.*
I suddenly felt something was wrong.
Very wrong.
Because those trusts.
The earliest one.
Was signed.
A year before we married.
Back then.
Cheng Lingyi was already working at his side.
And I didn’t even know the Xie family was arranging a marriage.
After the meeting broke up.
I didn’t leave.
I stood in the corridor.
And looked, for the first time, seriously, at those bullet comments.
Then thought, in my heart.
Tonight I’m eloping with Pei Zheng.
A bullet comment appeared at once.
*Finally.*
*The supporting female lead chooses the second male lead after all.*
My breath caught.
I thought again.
No.
I’m going to kill Xie Yanli.
A new bullet comment appeared.
*She’s gone dark-side.*
I stood there.
Going cold, inch by inch.
Because I finally understood.
They didn’t know the future.
They only knew.
What I was thinking.
Later the doctor told me.
The first time those words appeared.
Was after nearly a month of continuous sleeplessness.
Extreme stress, sleep disorder.
Plus a prescription I’d been taking.
Might have triggered brief visual hallucinations.
Those bullet comments.
Were not someone else.
They were me.
They had never told me the truth.
They had only dressed my deepest fears.
In the tone of an onlooker.
And made me believe.
The whole world understood my marriage better than I did.
When I found Cheng Lingyi.
She was in the parking garage.
Seeing me.
She was quiet a moment.
“Madam.”
I asked.
“Do you like Xie Yanli?”
Her composure cracked, just a little, for the first time.
“What?”
“Like him?”
“Not at all.”
“Not even a little?”
She looked at me a long while.
Then said.
“Madam.”
“I have a fiancé.”
Me: “…”
“Seven years now.”
Me: “…”
She went on.
“Marrying next year.”
I was silent.
Cheng Lingyi seemed to finally understand something.
“So.”
“All this time.”
“You’ve been upset with the gentleman over me?”
Me: “…”
She closed her eyes.
Drew a deep breath.
Then said.
“Madam.”
“I’ve been at the gentleman’s side seven years.”
“The private matter I’ve handled most of.”
“Wasn’t his.”
I looked up.
She looked at me.
“Was yours.”
I froze.
“When you graduated university.”
“The gentleman had me pull together portfolios for every studio in New York that fit you.”
“You said you didn’t want to go abroad.”
“He canceled them all.”
“Your first exhibition.”
“The anonymous collector who bought the pieces was him.”
“Last year, when you were stalked by a sasaeng fan.”
“The gentleman replaced the entire security team.”
“Every time you fought with him and ran off.”
“The one who ended up booking the hotel, sending clothes, having the kitchen prep your favorite things—”
She paused.
“Was me too.”
I couldn’t speak.
Cheng Lingyi went on.
“As for that ring.”
“The gentleman had me take it in a half-size smaller.”
“Because he said.”
“Your fingers had gotten thinner lately.”
She glanced at me.
“And I remember thinking.”
“Why on earth would a man.”
“Know his wife’s ring was loose by half a size.”
When I found Xie Yanli.
It was already past midnight.
He was alone in the Xie Mansion.
No lights on.
I walked in.
He sat in the living room.
Saw me.
Didn’t stand.
“What is it?”
I stood where I was.
“I was wrong.”
He said nothing.
“Xie Yanli.”
“Mm.”
“I misunderstood you.”
“Oh.”
Ice to the bone.
I walked over.
“Are you angry?”
“No.”
“You are.”
“No.”
I crouched in front of him.
I’d hated lowering my head most, before.
But that day.
I looked at him.
“I’m sorry.”
Xie Yanli looked down at me.
A long while.
“Wen Zhixia.”
“Mm.”
“Do you know what made me angriest?”
I shook my head.
“Not that you misunderstood Cheng Lingyi.”
“Not that you wanted a divorce.”
He paused.
“It was that night.”
I knew which night he meant.
My face went white.
He said.
“You asked me.”
“When I kissed you.”
“Who I was thinking of.”
I ached, to my core.
“I’m sorry.”
“We’ve been married three years.”
“Known each other thirteen.”
“The only person I’ve ever touched is you.”
“The only person I’ve ever liked is you.”
His voice was calm.
But his eyes were red.
“You don’t have to love me.”
“You don’t have to believe me.”
“But you can’t spend all these years of mine.”
“And tally them up to another woman.”
My tears fell all at once.
I reached out and hugged him.
He didn’t move.
“Xie Yanli.”
“Mm.”
“Hold me.”
“No.”
I cried harder.
“You weren’t like this before.”
He finally let out a single laugh.
“Before?”
“Before, you’d think I was kissing someone else when I kissed you.”
I was left speechless.
In the end.
I could only lower my head and kiss him.
Lightly.
Touched his lips once.
He didn’t react.
I kissed again.
The second time.
The third time.
The fourth time.
His hand finally locked at my waist.
And I was lifted onto his lap.
The next second.
The kiss changed completely.
I didn’t even react.
My nape already caught in his hand.
The kiss was deep.
Like he’d held back a long time.
My breathing fell apart fast.
My fingers clutched his shirt.
“Xie Yanli…”
“Mm.”
“Slower.”
He paused a second.
Looked at me.
“Who said.”
“Tired?”
Me: “…”
He lowered his head.
The kiss landed by my ear.
Voice low.
“Now?”
My ears burned.
“No.”
“Louder.”
“Xie Yanli.”
“Mm.”
“You’re annoying.”
He laughed.
Then lifted me.
I immediately looped my arms around his neck.
“Where to?”
“Test.”
I thought of before, at once.
And my face went completely hot.
“I don’t want to.”
“Really?”
“…”
He stopped.
Lowered his head to look at me.
I said nothing.
After a long moment.
I buried my face in his neck on my own.
Xie Yanli gave a soft laugh.
Very light.
That night.
I finally learned.
A man who’d held back twenty-odd days.
Is best not provoked lightly.
When I woke the next day.
It was already noon.
The curtains still drawn.
My back ached something fierce.
Xie Yanli was already up, though.
Leaning against the headboard reading a document.
I stared at him.
The more I looked, the more unfair it seemed.
“Xie Yanli.”
“Mm.”
“How are you completely fine?”
He looked down at me.
“Fine how?”
I gave a cold laugh.
He watched me a few seconds.
Understood.
Then reached out.
And pulled me into his arms.
I went on alert at once.
“What are you doing?”
“A hug.”
“Really?”
“Mm.”
I’d just relaxed.
When his kiss was already coming down.
Me: “…”
“Xie Yanli.”
“Mm.”
“You lied to me.”
“Learned it from you.”
I kicked at him in a temper.
My leg lifted.
Then ached and drew back.
He finally laughed.
I glared at him.
“Still laughing?”
Xie Yanli lowered his head.
And kissed my eye.
“Wen Zhixia.”
“What?”
“From now on, if you see anything.”
“Ask me first.”
I went quiet.
“Will you explain?”
He was silent two seconds.
“I’ll learn.”
I smiled.
“Then I’ll learn too.”
“Learn what?”
I wrapped my arms around his waist.
“To trust you.”
He said nothing.
Only held me tighter.
After a while.
I suddenly asked.
“So.”
“When did you start liking me?”
Xie Yanli closed his eyes.
“Forgot.”
“Lie.”
“Really.”
“Seventeen?”
“No.”
“Eighteen?”
“Shut up.”
“Sixteen?”
He rolled me back into the pillow.
I laughed and dodged at once.
“Xie Yanli.”
“Mm.”
“Not when I was eight, surely?”
He looked at me.
Didn’t answer.
I stopped smiling.
“Really?”
Xie Yanli lowered his head and kissed me.
Long after.
I heard him say.
“Wen Zhixia.”
“In this life of mine.”
“I’ve only ever lost to you once.”
I thought of that banquet when I was seventeen.
“Rock paper scissors?”
He closed his eyes.
Like he found me hopeless.
But in the end.
He still lowered his head and kissed me once.
“No.”
“It was from when you were eight.”
“That I never won.”
