Chapter 140

Chapter 140

“Boom-”

Lightning split the sky. Three seconds later, thunder rolled, shaking the floor-to-ceiling window until it rattled three times.

In that flash of lightning, Jiang Baichuan saw Yun Li’s face clearly-drained of all color, filled with revulsion and fear.

Perhaps the thunder had startled her lost soul back into place. Perhaps Jiang Baichuan’s voice had called her awake.

Tears streamed down her face, soaking the hand he had cupped against her cheek, hot enough to scald his skin.

She heard Jiang Baichuan’s voice.

As if she had grasped the last straw that could save her.

As if, in the depths of night, she had glimpsed a sliver of light.

She remembered.

Back then, outside the equipment room, this voice had once flashed past.

The tears came too quickly, like water bursting through a dam. They poured down, blurring her vision completely.

So he had once appeared in the memory she had tried so desperately to forget.

So a bond between them had already been formed long ago.

“Jiang Baichuan…”

Yun Li sobbed so hard she could barely speak. “Jiang Baichuan…”

“It’s me. I’m here. I’m here…” Jiang Baichuan patted her back to help her breathe, answering her again and again. With his other hand, he wiped at her tears in a frantic, clumsy way.

“I’m scared. I’m so scared!” Yun Li choked on her sobs, using all her strength to force out the words like a curse. “I hate it so much!”

She hated her cowardice when she was young. She hated the unfairness of fate. She hated that no one had stood on her side.

The words “Don’t be afraid, I’m here” had already reached Jiang Baichuan’s lips, but when he realized that the fear Yun Li spoke of was not now, but the past, he swallowed them back down.

Back then, he had not been there.

When Yun Li had been at her most helpless, he had not been there.

It felt as if something had stabbed viciously into his chest. Jiang Baichuan said nothing. He only held Yun Li tightly, a dangerous red glimmer appearing in his gloomy eyes.

After a long time, the emotion Yun Li had suppressed for so many years was finally released tonight. She calmly pulled away from Jiang Baichuan’s embrace and said, pale-faced, “Turn on the light.”

Jiang Baichuan had noticed long ago that something was wrong with her.

Even if she did not say it tonight, she would have to say it one day.

She did not want to hide anything from Jiang Baichuan.

The light came on. Yun Li, who had just cried until she was drenched in tears, had red, swollen eyes and tear tracks still lingering at the corners. Jiang Baichuan returned to her side. Half his shirt had been yanked open by Yun Li earlier, leaving one side of his chest bare.

He paid no attention to himself. He only sat down in front of Yun Li and reached out to pull the blanket tighter around her.

Neither of them broke the silence.

Yun Li stared at him blankly. The tears she had only just stopped welled up again, spinning in her eyes.

Jiang Baichuan panicked. “Don’t cry. I won’t do anything.”

It would have been better if he had not said that. The moment he did, her tears fell again with a soft patter, landing hard on the back of Jiang Baichuan’s hand just as he was about to wipe them away.

“Jiang Baichuan, you’re disgusted by me,” Yun Li said, looking at him through tear-filled eyes.

“No. Never. Impossible.” Jiang Baichuan denied it completely, his gaze unwavering on hers. He had so many things he wanted to say, but when they all crowded to his lips, he did not know which sentence to begin with.

Nothing he said felt right.

Yun Li turned her eyes away and raised her hand to wipe away her own tears. “Then why won’t you hold me anymore?”

The words had barely left her mouth before Jiang Baichuan pulled her tightly into his arms. His heavy breath fell against the side of her neck, as though he had finally let out the breath he had been holding. “I was afraid you’d remember something unhappy.”

Yun Li wanted to cry again, but she was too tired to care. She could not control those useless tears anyway, so she could only cry as she spoke. “Jiang Baichuan, I think I’m sick. I’m not afraid of you. I want to sleep with you too, but I feel so disgusted…”

“I’m scared. When I think of that feeling of being touched, I get scared…”

She trembled as she explained, using words that left nothing hidden.

And precisely because of that, Jiang Baichuan understood what she meant.

“Do you think I’m with you only so I can sleep with you?” Jiang Baichuan’s voice sank. For perhaps the first time ever, when she was crying this hard, he did not coax her or comfort her. Instead, he gripped her shoulders, forced her to look into his eyes, and scolded her.

“Yun Li, do you really think I’m worse than an animal, that all I want is your beauty?”

Yun Li sobbed in hiccupping gasps. “Isn’t that true?”

Jiang Baichuan: “…”

His brow knitted with a headache, and he opened his mouth helplessly. The imposing air he had just gathered was shattered in an instant by Yun Li.

“No.” His voice grew calm. A deep affection was hidden in his eyes, but his attitude remained forceful as he compelled Yun Li to meet his gaze. “Between a man and a woman, if that exists, it is a welcome addition. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t matter. Yun Li, all I want is you. Nothing else is important.”

Yun Li shook her head. “It is important. Everyone has desires…”

“So what?” Jiang Baichuan said solemnly. “If you can’t accept me, I can accept you. There are many ways to relieve desire. As long as you’re willing to touch me, you can use your hand…”

He paused, his gaze deepening. His fingers lifted slightly and gently brushed over Yun Li’s lips. “Use this…”

“Smack-” Yun Li slapped his hand away hard.

Jiang Baichuan knew he had gone off track. He pulled her back into his arms and let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t be afraid.”

Yun Li opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

She had cried too much. It seemed her tears had run dry. Her head fell heavily into the hollow of Jiang Baichuan’s shoulder.

“Jiang Baichuan, didn’t you want to know why I transferred schools back then?” Her voice was very soft as she led Jiang Baichuan into the memory that had cast an endless shadow over her.

“Because I was humiliated. Because I was afraid…”

Jiang Baichuan’s heart abruptly sank.

He understood.

Yun Li’s fear was connected to her transfer.

Whether it was her changing schools, or the terror that slowly rose in her whenever the skin of her neck was touched, all of it was tied to one thing.