Chapter 139

Chapter 139

The heat was on indoors, and Yun Li hadn’t been wearing much to begin with. Now that she had taken it off, the hand locked around her waist could clearly feel the faint heat of her skin.

Jiang Baichuan seemed to be burned by it. His fingers curled slightly.

His breathing grew a little ragged.

“Yun Li…”

“You can touch me.” Yun Li’s hands trembled as she fumbled with his clothes, her voice visibly shaking.

Jiang Baichuan instinctively caught her hand, stopping her. “What are you doing?”

Yun Li’s body felt unbearably hot, her head swimming, half from nerves and half from fear. “Love.”

The answer was so blunt that Jiang Baichuan fell abruptly silent. For a moment, he wanted to turn on the light and see what expression Yun Li was wearing right now.

“Do you know what you’re saying?” Jiang Baichuan’s Adam’s apple bobbed. His voice was hoarse as he forced Yun Li to meet his gaze in the dark.

But even though the room was pitch-black and nothing could be seen, Yun Li still turned her head away, too afraid to look him in the eye.

“More or less.” Yun Li steadied her breathing, but the moment she spoke, her voice still trembled uncontrollably. She swallowed and continued what she was doing. “Didn’t you want to know what I’m afraid of? Do it with me first. Once we do, you’ll understand.”

Yun Li wanted to know how much she could accept too. How far she could go with him.

She told herself that this person was Jiang Baichuan. The person she liked. She wanted to get close to him, was willing to accept him, and wanted her body to stop rejecting him.

But what the final result would be, even she didn’t know.

So she had to try. Whether she succeeded or not, Jiang Baichuan would be able to guess the answer.

And precisely because this person was Jiang Baichuan, she was willing to try.

Jiang Baichuan felt as if his heart were pounding like a drum, each beat louder than the last.

This move of hers was far too devastating.

He had already grown used to her instinctive evasions. Unless he pressed his advantage, Yun Li rarely ever took the initiative. Her temperament was gentle and unhurried, but in truth, there was a beast inside her that had lain dormant for a very long time.

Tonight, that beast had gone mad.

Or perhaps this was what she had always been like.

Her warm, trembling kisses lingered at the corner of Jiang Baichuan’s lips. He didn’t know what she was trying to test. His Adam’s apple rolled, and all he could do was follow his heart-follow his girlfriend.

If she wanted it, he would give it.

If she wanted to try, he would try with her.

His heart swayed. Jiang Baichuan’s eyes darkened, and the hand gripping her waist tightened around her. His other hand stroked the back of her head. His lips parted, turning that tentative kiss into something deeper.

It was no longer a light taste, nor was it restrained endurance.

His desire-laden kiss moved to the center of her arched neck, but then he realized Yun Li seemed to be trembling slightly.

It wasn’t his imagination.

This time was worse than any before.

Because of her nerves, that trace of panic in Yun Li’s heart magnified. As his kisses gradually moved downward, the instant the skin of her shoulder was touched, her body seemed to trigger an instinctive, violent resistance.

Scene after scene of unbearable humiliation from many years ago flashed through her mind. Her fear swelled in an instant. Yun Li shook all over, her palms clenching into fists beyond her control, her nails digging into her flesh.

It was as though something were pressing down on her chest, crushing the air from her lungs.

The pain was so intense she could not breathe.

Her memories seemed to blur together. She could no longer tell where she was, and she even forgot that Jiang Baichuan was beside her.

“No-”

With all her strength, she shoved Jiang Baichuan back and stumbled away. The darkness around her hid everything from sight. Her foot caught on something, and she fell to the floor. Tears streamed down her face as her choked sobs grew more agonized with each sound.

“No…”

“No!”

After crying no three times, her lips trembled. She shook as if she wanted to say something, but it was as though a hand had closed around her throat, leaving her unable to make a sound.

She curled in on herself, hugging her body tightly.

“Yun Li-”

“It’s me, it’s me! I’m Jiang Baichuan. Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid…”

The instant he was pushed away, disbelief and immense panic flooded Jiang Baichuan’s eyes. He got up and reached for the hands that kept shoving him away. He could no longer care about anything else. In a protective posture, he wrapped her tightly in his arms.

He pulled a blanket from the sofa and wrapped Yun Li up completely, making sure his hands did not touch the skin of any sensitive part of her body.

Again and again, he called her name, trying to bring her back to herself.

He understood now what Yun Li had meant by trying.

He knew what Yun Li was afraid of.

Every bit of her fear proved that she had once suffered an unspeakable harm.

She wasn’t afraid of him.

She was afraid of the shadow left behind by that inescapable memory.