Resentment at Changmen Palace - Chapter 2

Changyuan Palace was the country residence Mother had built for A-Zhi and me. She had meant it to be our haven from the world. Instead, it became a place of banishment for me alone.

By the following day, news of my deposition had spread through every street and alley of the Li dynasty. Mother heard and entered the palace first thing that morning.

I was told she stormed into his favorite consort’s chambers and slapped her hard several times before going to his study.

Knowing Mother, I expected her to denounce his heartlessness, list everything our family had done to win him the throne, and demand repayment. Instead, she simply sat down before him and talked about family matters, recalling things he and I had done as children.

That quiet retreat left A-Zhi no way to fight back. He sent someone to ask me to return. When I refused, he came himself.

He wore ordinary clothes, but his gaze was colder than ever.

“Come back with me. You will still live in Jiaofang Hall. Your food, clothing, and household will remain those of an empress.” When I still would not agree, he went on. “Everyone knows you have been deposed. I cannot continue to honor you as empress, but I will leave the throne vacant. I will preserve your dignity.”

“My dignity?” I savored the word, then laughed. “My mother is the eldest princess born to an empress. My father is Marquis Yi of Tangyi. I grew up in the palace, raised by my imperial grandmother, trained in both letters and arms. Even my uncle the emperor said that my learning and judgment recalled my imperial grandfather’s. And I need you to give me dignity?”

He lowered his eyes. Half his face lay in shadow; I could not read his expression.

“Whoever I married, I was destined to be empress.” I glanced at him with contempt. “When I met you, you were an unloved prince barely surviving in the cold palace. You sit on that supreme throne because I chose you.”

“Tell me, then. Which of us gave the other dignity?”

Every word was defiance. Every word pressed on a wound. A vein stood out at his temple.

He raised his hand and slapped me.

My head snapped sideways. Half my face burned, and the faint taste of blood spread through my mouth.

He looked at the red mark on my cheek, then down at the hand that had struck me. His lowered lashes trembled. Alarm and disbelief crossed his face.

I looked at that hand too.

In the days when we loved each other, it had stroked my hair, the corner of my mouth, my neck. His skin had always been cool, his fingertips cooler still. His touch had been so lingering, so tender.

That same hand had pointed toward heaven as he swore we would belong to each other, and no one else, for all our lives.

Now love and hatred had come to nothing, and he had used it to strike me.

Mother arrived almost as soon as A-Zhi left.

She swept in, furious, ready to demand why I would not return even when the emperor came to fetch me himself. Then she saw the mark on my face.

“I was born in the palace and grew up there. I have been cherished since childhood. Whatever I wanted, I had. I thought it was the best place in the world, so I sent you there.” She stroked my cheek, her eyes misting. “I never knew how unhappy you were.”

“Mother.”

I threw my arms around her, buried my face against her neck, and could no longer hold back my sobs.

I had always known she loved me. We had never truly been close, though. From the day I was born, she had decided I would become empress. At three, I was sent to live with my imperial grandmother, learning both to manage the palace and to govern a country. There was so much to learn that I rarely went home.

Mother’s most affectionate gesture had been a pat on my shoulder as she said, with satisfaction, “My Jiaojiao has grown up.”

Now that I had flung myself into her arms, she did not know what to do. Her hands hovered stiffly in the air; she did not know how to comfort me.

At last, she sighed.

“Your imperial grandmother is gone. The emperor is suppressing his relatives by marriage, and our influence is nothing like it was. One day I too will go before you. My Jiaojiao, this Changmen Palace is so desolate. A deposed empress with no children—how will you live?”

I lifted my head and looked into her eyes.

“Don’t worry, Mother. You and Grandmother taught me well. The world is vast. I will find a way to live in it.”

Seeing that I appeared to have a plan, she said no more.

The truth was that I had already broken convention by moving outside the palace after my deposition. If I dared do anything else under A-Zhi’s watchful eye, who knew how many of my relatives I might implicate?

All I could do now was be a quiet, obedient deposed empress, and wait to grow old and die in this magnificent prison.