Love Me Before I Die - Chapter 15
That day, in the end, still arrived.
Like the drizzling rain outside the window-not sudden, but carrying a chill that seeped into my bones.
My consciousness began to blur, sometimes clear, sometimes muddled.
It felt as if the strength in my body was silently drained away, even lifting a finger became unbearably difficult.
Xu Qing stayed by my bedside, holding my hand, never letting go for a moment.
His eyes were bloodshot, filled with a stubborn kind of fear.
As if, so long as he didn’t blink, he could keep me from slipping away bit by bit.
In fleeting moments of clarity,
I could see the blue stubble sprouting on his chin, and his fingertips trembling despite his desperate effort to control them.
I wanted to say something, tease him again like before, watch him keep a straight face while his ears turned red.
My thoughts jumped around, like beads with a broken string.
“Xu Qing…” My voice was so faint it was almost inaudible.
He immediately bent down, bringing his ear to my lips, his voice hoarse: “I’m here, baby, I’m here.”
“Do you remember… that auntie in the high school cafeteria… whose hands always shook…”
I spoke haltingly, trying to summon a light memory, “When she served you food… the meat was always piled high… for me… she’d shake until there were only potatoes left…”
I wanted to laugh, but only a breath of air escaped.
Xu Qing’s shoulders jerked, he closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, his eyes were even redder.
He nodded, voice choked: “I remember, maybe… she thought I was handsome.”
He actually played along with my lame joke.
I felt a small, secret pride, but my thoughts leapt elsewhere.
“And… the first time you kissed me… you were so fierce… but my heart was racing.”
I complained softly, tinged with nostalgia.
Xu Qing’s tears finally broke free, falling in heavy drops onto the back of my hand, scalding hot.
He kept kissing my fingers, his voice shattered: “Next time, next time I’ll be gentle…”
I knew, there would be no next time.
The rain outside seemed to grow louder, beating against the glass, like a dirge for this parting.
My vision began to scatter, darkness gently wrapping around me from all sides.
“Xu Qing…”
I gathered the last of my awareness, to speak the words that had circled in my heart for so long, my ultimate wish:
“Go forward.”
“Don’t… look back.”
I felt Xu Qing carefully lift me up, holding me tightly, tightly in his arms.
His embrace was warm, but trembling.
I heard his suppressed, broken sobs, like a wounded beast.
“Nanxing, it’s raining.”
His voice was so hoarse it was barely recognizable, his cheek pressed to my forehead, cold tears mingling with warm breath, “…just like the day we first met…”
“Don’t be afraid… I’ll hold you tight…”
His voice grew more and more distant, finally vanishing into endless darkness.
But it was as if I truly felt it.
That coin the boy tossed years ago, slicing through the damp air, crossing the long years and the chaos of life.
At last, steadily, warmly, it landed in the palm of my hand.
And I never let go again.
