Love Me Before I Die - Chapter 13
When the shadow of death is everywhere, when every sunrise feels like a cruel reminder of a countdown,
a near-panic begins to spread among us.
As if to fight this sense of helplessness, we start to indulge madly in the pleasures of the flesh.
In the most primal way, we affirm each other’s existence.
Hotel rooms, the back seat of the car, even the deserted seaside at night… all bear the traces of our entanglement.
It seems only in this extreme sensory stimulation can we forget everything, if only for a moment.
Yet,
it is in these moments of deepest intimacy that I subtly sense something from Xu Qing that makes my heart race with fear.
A feeling almost like a tragic sacrifice.
Suddenly, I am afraid.
Ambiguity fills the room.
I lie on his sweat-damp chest, listening to his still-unsteady heartbeat.
My fingers unconsciously trace a jagged old scar across his chest.
I lift my head, forcing a relaxed, even teasing smile.
Half-jokingly, I say, “Oh, Qingqing…”
He lowers his eyes to look at me, his gaze still tinged with lingering passion and something deeper, something I can’t decipher.
I laugh, “I really envy the person who’ll get to grow old with you.”
The moment the words fall, I feel his body stiffen sharply.
Even his heartbeat seems to skip a beat.
He says nothing.
Not a single word.
He suddenly flips over, trapping me firmly beneath his body once more.
The next second, his kiss falls harsher than ever before, carrying punishment and despair, nearly stealing all my breath.
What follows is no longer a tangle of desire, but a silent outpouring and resistance.
He thrusts in fiercely, each time deeper and heavier, as if refuting my words with this act.
As if through this painful connection, he needs to confirm that I am still here in his arms.
I endure his almost rough possession, my nails unconsciously leaving red marks on his back.
“Wrong, wrong…”
In this way, he gives me his answer.
No one else.
There will never be anyone else.
