Chapter 39

Ji Ming’s Perspective (Part 2)

Pawns cannot fall in love with other pawns, otherwise the player will only keep one.

So I have no choice but to become that player, only then can I be with her.

But I can’t let them find out now, nor dare I let her discover.

If she knew her brother harbored such sordid thoughts, would she be afraid, would she drift further away from me?

I am like a wolf lurking in the darkness, gazing at the prey from afar, yet not daring to truly approach.

I bury all my feelings for her deep in the recesses of my heart, wearing a mask of cold indifference.

I wear this mask so well, fooling my parents, fooling her, but never able to fool myself.

When she went to college, I was busy with company affairs and seldom saw her.

But I never expected her to actually get a boyfriend.

I looked into that man, a complete scoundrel.

How could she be in a relationship with someone like that!

She even kissed him so passionately!

I was nearly driven mad with jealousy.

When she innocently mentioned going to a hot spring with him, I couldn’t help but imagine her yielding beneath him.

Such images nearly suffocated me, my chest felt as if it were being tightly squeezed.

Sordid, filthy, this is my true nature.

How could she be so unguarded with that man?

When I pinned her down, she was so terrified.

But I was already consumed by flames, unable to stop.

With what little reason I had left, I pulled her up and lectured her like an elder.

Yet she looked at me with reddened eyes, her tone aggrieved and helpless, saying she wanted to experience what it felt like to be loved.

My heart suddenly contracted, painfully.

She spoke of love as something sacred, while I was thinking of how to possess her in such a sordid manner.

I fled almost in panic, unable to face even myself.

Those secret dreams from my youth now accompany the struggles of reality, surfacing again and again.

I rushed into the bathroom, using cold water to wash over myself, trying to suppress the physical desire.

But the emotions buried deep within were so heated they evaporated the cold water on my skin.