Don't Talk to Me About Dignity - Chapter 10
Chapter 10
By the time I left Xu Corporation, the sky was pitch black.
Xu Yan had told me she was going to dinner with the Zhou Family later and insisted I head back to the hospital first.
When she said that, she had regained her usual composure.
It was as if the person with the bloodshot eyes I’d seen earlier wasn’t her at all.
But I knew she was trying to push me away again.
I didn’t go back to the hospital.
Instead, I went home first and dug out that IOU from the very bottom of my drawer.
At eight o’clock that evening, I went to the restaurant the Zhou Family had booked, using the address the assistant had given me.
The private dining room was on the second floor. A server tried to stop me, but I told them I was looking for Xu Yan.
Before they could announce me, the door opened from the inside.
Xu Yan was standing in the doorway. She froze when she saw me.
There were several other people in the room.
Miss Zhou was there too, and the scene fell instantly silent.
I didn’t look at anyone else; my eyes were fixed solely on Xu Yan.
“Come out.”
She followed me into the hallway and lowered her voice.
“Don’t make a scene.”
I looked at her, my nose stinging with a sudden rush of emotion.
“I came here specifically to make a scene.”
With that, I pulled out the IOU and tore it up right in front of her.
The sound of the paper ripping was faint.
But it tore open all the words I had been suppressing lately as well.
The door to the private room opened again.
Miss Zhou stood in the doorway, looking at the shredded paper in my hands.
Her expression was sour.
“Xu Yan, Uncle Xu is still waiting.”
Xu Yan finally turned to look at her.
Her gaze was cold.
“Go back inside.”
Miss Zhou frowned.
“This isn’t the time for you to be impulsive.”
Xu Yan was silent for two seconds.
Then, in front of everyone in the hallway, she said, “I’m not staying for dinner tonight.”
I was stunned.
Miss Zhou’s face shifted as well.
“You know what your father will say.”
“I know.”
Xu Yan’s voice wasn’t loud, but it was steady.
“I’ll tell him myself.”
After saying that, she took out her phone and dialed a number right in front of Miss Zhou.
The call was answered almost immediately.
The hallway was so quiet that even the server’s footsteps seemed to slow down.
Xu Yan looked at me, her voice low.
“Dad, I’m not eating tonight.”
I couldn’t hear what was said on the other end.
Her fingers gripping the phone turned slightly white, but she didn’t back down.
“I can take on the project, and we can renegotiate the terms.”
“But don’t use Shen Zhiwei to pressure me ever again.”
In that moment, I was suddenly speechless.
It turned out she wasn’t just capable of shouldering everything for me.
She could also choose herself, once, in front of everyone.
After the call ended, Xu Yan looked down and saw the scraps of paper in my hand. Her expression finally changed.
“You…”
“I’ll pay the money back.”
I looked at her with red-rimmed eyes, my voice trembling but clear.
“The medical bills, and the money you advanced for me.”
“I won’t skip out on a single cent of what I owe.”
“But Xu Yan, I don’t want to use this to settle things between us anymore.”
Her breath hitched, and she stared at me without speaking.
I squeezed the scraps of paper and continued.
“The reason I didn’t dare get close to you before wasn’t that I didn’t love you anymore. It was because I was afraid.”
“I was afraid people would say I was after your money, after your resources.”
“I was also afraid that if I softened my heart, you’d make a decision for me again one day.”
“And then leave me behind in the same spot.”
My voice grew hoarser as I spoke.
“But I only realized today that what hurt me most was never that you’re wealthier than me.”
“Nor was it that you can solve problems I can’t.”
I looked at her, tears falling.
“It’s that you’re clearly hurting too.”
“Yet you always think that as long as you shoulder it alone, I’ll have it easier.”
The hallway was quiet; the faint sound of laughter drifted from the private rooms in the distance.
I took a breath and said the most important thing.
“Xu Yan, don’t talk to me about pride this time.”
She froze completely.
I took a step forward and grabbed her hand.
Her fingers were freezing, but they trembled slightly the moment I touched them.
“I can pay back the money slowly. I can take my time helping my dad with his rehabilitation.”
“I can also take my time getting my own life back on track.”
I stared at her, enunciating every word: “But don’t you dare decide whether I should love you or not ever again.”
Xu Yan looked at me, her eyes instantly welling up with tears.
“Zhiwei…”
As soon as she spoke, her voice cracked.
My nose stung with the urge to cry, but I forced a smile at her anyway.
“Weren’t you always afraid you wouldn’t be able to catch me?” I tightened my grip on her hand. “Then this time, let’s catch each other together.”
As the words fell, the last of Xu Yan’s forced composure shattered.
She suddenly pulled me into her arms with crushing force.
It was as if she was terrified I would pull away again the next second.
I crashed into the crook of her neck, smelling that familiar, cool fragrance on her skin.
The string inside me that had been pulled taut for two years finally snapped.
She held me, remaining silent for a long time.
After a while, I finally heard her speak in a low voice right against my ear.
“It’s not that I don’t love you.”
Her voice was very soft, yet it pressed straight into my heart.
“I just didn’t dare drag you down with me again.”
I closed my eyes and reached out to hug her back.
“Then you’ll have to learn to ask me from now on,” I said muffledly. “Stop choosing for me.”
Xu Yan’s breathing hitched for a moment before she finally gave a low murmur of agreement.
“Okay.”
It had been quiet over by the private dining room for a long time.
No one came out to call for her again.
Leaning against her chest, I suddenly felt like laughing.
“Did I just ruin your dinner tonight?”
Xu Yan finally smiled too, the corners of her eyes still tinged with red.
“I didn’t want to come anyway.”
“Then why did you?”
“If I didn’t, my father wouldn’t have let up.”
She looked down at me, her thumb gently wiping away the tears on my face.
“Though now, things might get even more complicated.”
I knew she wasn’t lying.
The pressure from her family wouldn’t vanish into thin air. My father’s rehabilitation and the compensation payments weren’t over yet.
The real-world gap between us wasn’t something that would disappear just because of a hug.
But in this moment, I suddenly wasn’t that afraid anymore.
Because I finally realized that the most terrifying thing was never the hardship itself.
It was clearly still being in love, yet both sides stubbornly trying to be strong on their own.
Later, we went back to the hospital together.
On the way, I told her everything I needed to do next, one by one.
The insurance claims, the follow-up exams, my work, the debt-I didn’t skip a single thing.
After Xu Yan listened to it all, she only asked me: “What do you need me to do?”
I looked at her, my nose still feeling a bit prickly.
“First, learn to discuss things with me.”
She nodded. “And?”
I thought about it and deliberately put on a stern face. “Stop saying such nasty things when you talk to me.”
Xu Yan let out a low chuckle.
“That might take some time.”
I laughed too.
As the elevator doors closed, the glass reflected the two of us standing side by side.
I knew this road wouldn’t be easy.
My father was still in a hospital bed, I still had to pay back the money slowly, and the hurdle of her family wouldn’t be easy to clear.
But at least this time, neither of us used ‘for your own good’ as an excuse to push the other away.
The IOU I had torn to pieces was finally blown by the wind into a trash can at the hospital entrance.
The money, of course, still had to be paid back.
It was just that between Xu Yan and me, we finally didn’t need to rely on it to prove anything anymore.
We didn’t need to prove who was more dignified, who was more blameless, or who was more qualified to love.
Because I finally dared to admit it.
The reason I stayed by her side was never because of a debt.
Hardships would still come in the future, but this time, we had finally learned to carry them together instead of struggling alone.
It was because I love her.
