Breaking Up Was a Choice I Planned All Along - Chapter 9
In the second year of high school, Chen Manman, Zhou Jingnan, and I became classmates.
Zhou Jingnan sat behind Chen Manman. Every time I turned around after class, I could see Chen Manman asking Zhou Jingnan questions.
Later, Zhou Jingnan started escorting her to and from school, and I followed along. Yet, her home was not close to ours at all.
Her presence turned Zhou Jingnan and me into a trio.
Chen Manman often complained to me about Zhou Jingnan, saying he was rigid and stern. But he was always gentle, only behaving that way towards her.
I hid all my girlish feelings, mediated between them, and watched as Zhou Jingnan repeatedly bowed his head to Chen Manman, doing many things for her that he had never been willing to do before, gradually becoming someone I no longer recognized.
Watching them grow closer, I eventually found myself unable to fit in.
I realized that I had drifted far, far away from Zhou Jingnan.
The friend who was once my closest, the brother who treated me the best.
After the college entrance exams, all my girlish thoughts erupted in that instant.
I belatedly understood that Zhou Jingnan liked Chen Manman. And I was jealous of Chen Manman.
I walked alone in the painful path of unrequited love. But how could a girl’s affection simply stop on command?
I remained Zhou Jingnan’s little shadow, even though he no longer needed me.
I told myself: It’s okay, I can wait.
I vaguely remember, it was just another ordinary day when Zhou Jingnan invited me to eat at the food street.
He said, “Do you want to give it a try with me?”
There wasn’t a hint of nervousness in his eyes, as casually as if he were asking me what to eat today.
My heart ached with sourness, knowing too well that his question wasn’t out of affection, yet the corners of my mouth still turned up. I heard myself softly say, okay.
It’s okay, really, it’s okay. If I try a little harder, maybe he will like me?
So, I don’t blame him; all his certainty was given by me.
