Breaking Up Was a Choice I Planned All Along - Chapter 13

I never thought of myself as a kind person.

My softness is reserved only for those who deserve it.

Back in middle school, I often overheard people say behind my back that I was a wild child without a father.

Later, when I became the discipline officer, he became a regular in the homeroom teacher’s office.

In the alley, gossiping women would say my mother was a young widow, so her conduct must be improper.

The next day, the window of her house was smashed with a stone.

Zhou Jingnan always thought I was a quiet, well-behaved kid. But that’s not true.

I’ve always been a bad kid who knows how to put on a façade.

Just like how he doesn’t know, this breakup was something I started planning half a year ago.

I still remember that night clearly-the snow was falling heavily.

I was shivering even in my thermal underwear, but none of it compared to the chill that ran through me the moment I saw Zhou Jingnan hugging Chen Manman under the boys’ dormitory building.

The day before that, my mom called me in tears to say that my grandma had passed away. I was at a loss, calling him over a dozen times, but he never picked up.

I took the train home alone, worrying the whole time that something might have happened to him. After seeing my grandma for the last time and comforting my mom, I rushed back without stopping.

I never expected things to turn out like this.

I always knew Zhou Jingnan wasn’t with me because he liked me; this relationship was something I stole.

But I never imagined this fact would reveal itself to me in such a way.

I crouched in the snow, my mind flashing through all the bittersweet moments of my secret crush.

All those hidden girlish thoughts, the bitter memories I tasted alone, the little details I pretended not to care about but actually cared about so much-they all surged toward me at once.

Letting go seemed to happen in just an instant.