Beyond Reach - Chapter 77

Shi Sui wanted to separate from him, but she was too afraid to say it.

Yan Tingli had sensed this fact a long time ago.

It wasn’t a subjective assumption, but based on objective evidence.

The entire row of psychology and micro-expression books on the shelf told him that Shi Sui wanted to escape from him.

Yan Tingli didn’t know how he felt about it.

Because it couldn’t be described with simple words, and his limited vocabulary couldn’t support him in easily expressing it to Shi Sui.

But if he had to describe it.

It was similar to seeing every little action Shi Sui made to avoid him, to distance herself from him. His brain felt like an overheating CPU processor, filled with a dense array of letters and numbers, always on the verge of exploding.

At those moments, Yan Tingli’s chaotic consciousness was left with only sharp lines of text.

“He wants to shut Shi Sui’s mouth.”

“Lock Shi Sui up.”

“Discipline her, make her addicted.”

“Make Shi Sui never dare to leave him.”

This extreme and sharp impulse tortured his nerves back and forth.

Yan Tingli tried to return to normal thinking.

Besides imprisonment.

What kind of relationship between a man and a woman is the most stable?

Love.

Marriage.

Children.

These were the stable relationships Yan Tingli could extract from conventional concepts.

But Ai Cai Ru Ming and Song Jie were already married, had children, and even had inseparable family ties, yet this couldn’t stop them from playing their own games outside.

In this world, there is no completely stable relationship, he thought coldly.

But Yan Tingli was willing to try, to have Shi Sui date him.

Because as soon as this thought emerged, his heart felt like it was electrified, creating a different kind of ripple.

A very strange feeling.

It wasn’t unpleasant; rather, it excited him.

Yan Tingli thought for a long time about when to bring it up.

He planned to tell Shi Sui in bed, because at that time, she was often the easiest to coax or threaten.

His demand for a relationship, Shi Sui couldn’t refuse, nor was she allowed to refuse.

But why did that annoying Zhou Xuyan have to tell Shi Sui about his family’s scandal?

How dare Shi Sui ask him to apologize to Song Jie?

Yan Tingli was very unhappy.

He was just someone who grew up in the mud; since Shi Sui knew, she might as well soak in it with him.

He demanded she date him.

But Shi Sui dared to refuse.

At that moment, not only Su Ye, but Yan Tingli wanted the whole world to know about their relationship.

They had slept together so many times; he knew every mole, every inch of her skin better than anyone else.

No one was closer than they were.

Shi Sui had to date him.

She ultimately didn’t dare refuse.

Just because she was too afraid.

Yan Tingli was satisfied, yet unhappy.

Even he couldn’t distinguish what he really wanted.

But this was usual between them; as long as he got what he wanted, there was no need to ask for more.

But Shi Sui was a deceiver who attracted attention everywhere.

She had even stayed at someone else’s house before him.

She had a neighbor’s brother, years of time he hadn’t been part of.

She even dared to defend Fang Huaijing.

Why?

Why wasn’t his identity the only one?

Yan Tingli was very unhappy.

He poured red wine into her mouth, filled her body; this was the punishment a deceiver deserved.

“Today is our first day.”

The first day, what a wonderful number.

Everything before didn’t count, and her memories with Fang Huaijing meant nothing.

Like formatting a computer, a single click to reset.

Only he and she were real.

Yan Tingli wanted Shi Sui to be entangled with him forever.

They were already dating.

The next step was marriage.

Yan Tingli felt eager, but there was an annoying age restriction in the country.

And Shi Sui. Why didn’t she want to get married again?

He had a lot of money.

He was also very good-looking, could make her feel great in bed.

He didn’t even need Shi Sui to give much, just a little love would suffice.

He said he would kill all the children in the Yan Family, and it wasn’t a lie. He was used to solving all who tried to take what was his from the root, even embryos.

But his Suisui looked so scared, alas, she was just so weak, so pitiful.

Yet even so, why was she still so unwilling to be with him forever?

Yan Tingli went from confusion to anger-Shi Sui must not love him.

But it didn’t stop him from using every means to force her to agree.

Forever.

What a beautiful word.

His Suisui finally said “together forever” to him.

Her eyes flickered with fear, retreat, and deeper guilt-later, Yan Tingli replayed it countless times, he should have easily seen it, why didn’t he?

Clearly, Shi Sui was a deceiver, she had too many prior offenses.

But he was too happy.

Or rather.

He lost his basic judgment.

Like a traveler in the desert who hadn’t found water for a long time, suddenly seeing a bit of spring.

Forgot he could take it by force.

And chose instead to exchange it with what he had.

Yan Tingli didn’t admit he was deceiving himself.

If Shi Sui could give him a lot of love.

He would take so much from her, no, even half would do, he could slightly do as she said.

And Yan Tingli found that Shi Sui couldn’t refuse this kind of weakness from him.

This made him unable to stop laughing to himself.

If he kept showing weakness, it wasn’t impossible.

She, although always pretending to be clever, was overly naive, and had a fatal flaw of being soft-hearted.

Yan Tingli had only seen the appearance of mountain villages and towns in documentaries, judging their economic structures from a high and mighty stance.

He never thought he would set foot in such a place.

But the summer vacation in the small town was the only time Yan Tingli felt closest to the word “happiness.”

The old houses that seemed ready to collapse at any moment, the scorching summer without air conditioning, the mosquito-filled nights, the hard and slightly uncomfortable bed boards, none of these mattered much.

So it turned out he didn’t care where he was.

Sometimes Shi Sui was by his side.

And Shi Sui loved him.

But all this falsehood only made Shi Sui’s later deception and betrayal all the more hateful.

He tried so hard to ignore every detail and oddity, made himself into such a laughable fool, yet couldn’t win a shred of her pity.

Shi Sui left him urgently, resolutely, without looking back.

Even though she was such a weak and timid person, to leave him, she went alone to the far side of the ocean.

He was nothing.

No one loved him.

The London rain slanted down on him, damp and cold, dripping wet.

His chest felt so empty it leaked air, as if a huge piece had been gouged out.

There had never been good weather in his life.

The first year searching for Shi Sui.

Yan Tingli wanted to question her, punish her.

The second year searching for Shi Sui.

Yan Tingli wanted to forgive her, kiss her.

The third year searching for Shi Sui.

Yan Tingli hated her, wanted to strangle her.

Without him, her life went on as usual. She made more friends, learned more skills, even went on dates with other men.

What did he even count for?

Yan Tingli thought about it day and night, over and over.

His mind wanted, his body wanted even more.

The company was busy preparing for its IPO, countless matters piled up before him.

He wasn’t a machine, couldn’t run forever.

But he was still swept up by countless dark emotions, watching her day and night, observing her.

Looking at her face, his desire found an outlet again.

He excitedly, almost sickly, imagined the scene of their meeting.

Like an addiction.

He deduced every possibility, again and again.

He bought a house in Los Angeles.

Since she liked the freedom of America so much, then he liked it even more.

Yan Tingli always thought and laughed at the same time, until his head ached as if it would split, and the next day he was pushed into another round of overwork.

Shi Sui was going to kiss another man.

Yan Tingli wanted to die with them-if Shi Sui didn’t belong to him, then they’d all die together.

No.

No, that wouldn’t do.

His beautiful Shi Sui couldn’t be left battered and broken.

If they were to die together, it should be whole, buried together. And that filthy man couldn’t die with them, Yan Tingli thought.

His Shi Sui was finally coming home.

She was still so innocent and romantic, thrilled about returning.

Her smile was so beautiful, he wanted her so much.

To spill his semen on her face-would she still smile then?

Over those three years, Yan Tingli had thought countless times: when she came back, he would have a child with her.

Date, marry, have children-not a single step could be skipped.

His Shi Sui was so kind, she would never bear to give up a child.

She was only ever cruel to him.

But it wouldn’t work.

He hated children, hated even more the idea of someone else taking Shi Sui’s attention.

He could kill the Yan family’s children.

If he killed his own child, Shi Sui would definitely be angry.

So only marriage was left.

He waited for Shi Sui to return, like a lamb about to fall into a trap.

Shi Sui still hated him.

But it didn’t matter.

He didn’t like her either; he hated her.

Her hatred couldn’t change the outcome-Shi Sui could only marry him.

He wanted her bound to him forever, under the gaze of family, friends, colleagues.

To share the same bed in life, the same grave in death.

This was his revenge on her.

Shi Sui was out of options, nowhere to retreat, left only with desperate escape.

In his hands, she was already a puppet to be manipulated at will.

Clearly he hated her.

So why couldn’t he feel even a little happiness?

His chest was so empty.

Like a black hole that could never be filled.

“I will never come to you of my own accord.”

From Shi Sui, Yan Tingli finally received this answer.

His mind was like a machine that could no longer run its program.

All that was left was a dense, obsessive thought.

Lock her up, lock her up, lock her up.

But damn it.

He still didn’t succeed.

Why did Shi Sui get shot because of him?

Why did Zecheng and Theodore have to be so damned?

Just when he was about to marry her.

The gushing red blood stabbed sharply at his eyes.

Yan Tingli didn’t dare ask for anything anymore.

He only wanted Shi Sui to live.

She had such a lucky fate-why did this happen?

Was it because of his own wretched life?

What should he do?

Why couldn’t it have been him who died?

Yan Tingli made countless vicious bargains with God in his heart, as long as Shi Sui would wake up.

But when Shi Sui really did wake up, he still couldn’t let go.

He was just that greedy.

If there was retribution, let it fall on him.

He could never let go of Shi Sui.

No one would save him, only Shi Sui.

She loved him. In this world, only she loved him.

And he only loved her.

He couldn’t change his nature.

But as long as his Shi Sui was by his side, Yan Tingli was willing to submit to every rule and restraint.

Suppress his instincts, willingly let her put a collar around his neck-if acting like a dog could keep her, then he would pretend.

At first, Yan Tingli thought he would only pretend for her sake, for a lifetime.

Later, he wanted it to be like this for a lifetime.

She could use his body at will, use everything he had.

Just don’t leave him.

Yan Tingli knew he had sunk to the lowest depths.

But if that could keep her, he would savor it gladly.

Shi Sui’s love was too addictive for him.

He loved her so much.

He loved her home so much.

He wanted so badly to have a home with her.

At last, they had a home.

Yan Tingli was very happy now.