After I Was Gone, Mr. Song Said He Loved Me - Chapter 96 - I Feel Someone Following Me, Song Yu's Perspective

After the surgery, Song Yu accompanied me back to the ward. He said that Dr. David mentioned the surgery was successful, and now we just have to wait for the test results. If the cancer cells haven’t spread further, we can schedule another surgery for further removal.

But the prerequisite is that my body can withstand such a major operation.

With a weight hovering around 45 kilograms, maintaining post-operative chemotherapy might be too much for me.

Song Yu repeated Dr. David’s words, and then he looked at me with a serious expression and said, “Bai, I need to fatten you up.”

I thought he must be out of his mind. My stomach has been reduced to just a quarter; if gaining weight were that easy, I would have done so long ago without needing his help.

Song Yu didn’t seem bothered by my silence and continued talking to himself, “Bai, I’ve booked a ticket for Aunt Zhang to come to M Country. She’ll arrive the day after tomorrow. She took care of you the last few times you were sick, and her cooking suits your taste. With Aunt Zhang in the kitchen, you’ll definitely gain some weight.”

I retorted sarcastically, “That would be Aunt Zhang fattening me up, not you.”

After hearing my words, Song Yu fell silent.

I thought he was angry, which was fine by me, as it would save me from his annoyance.

But after a moment of silence, he said very seriously, “I can learn.”

What is Song Yu trying to do?

Suddenly, he’s trying to be nice, acting humble and pitiful. Who is he trying to impress?

Even though he’s said more than once that he likes me, I don’t believe him at all.

It’s not just because he’s deceived and used me multiple times before, but also because the way I am now is hard for anyone to like, and might even scare them away.

Now, from a distance, I look like a wobbly flagpole–tall and thin, often hunched over, almost like I have a hunchback.

Up close, it’s even more unsettling.

A pale, emaciated face, features sunken due to lack of muscle support, dry and pale lips, and the once lively eyes I was proud of have lost their sparkle. I look like a withered tree by the roadside, devoid of life.

Even I don’t like myself like this, so how could anyone else?

“Song Yu, there’s no need for you to waste your time on me. Although I don’t know what your intentions are, I really don’t want to be used or deceived again. Just do me a favor and have some pity on me, okay?

“Let’s end whatever grievances we had. Honestly, if I had the time and energy to continue hating or retaliating against you, I would. But I don’t.”

“I’m tired, Song Yu. Although I used to be very insecure, with no advantage compared to you, at least I was young and looked decent. But look at me now, I don’t even have that one asset anymore.”

“I don’t dare to think about anything now. I just hope to finish my treatment soon and spend time with my mom and sister. I don’t want to waste the remaining time on useless people or things, understand?”

I have long known my fate–stomach cancer worsening and spreading is an unsolvable death sentence. Even if Hua Tuo¹ were reborn, he couldn’t save me. These expensive treatments are merely extending my life a bit, not changing the predetermined outcome.

“Bai Yu!” Song Yu suddenly called my name loudly, his face extremely grim.

I frowned at him, not understanding why he was angry.

“You can do whatever you want, but you must not talk about ‘remaining time.’ You have a lifetime ahead of you.”

“As long as I live, you will live. We will grow old together.”

Song Yu’s determined gaze seemed to brand itself on me, and I turned away, unable to meet his eyes.

Because I know I can’t fulfill that promise.

“Song Yu, I’m tired. I want to sleep,” I said softly, staring out the window.

“Go to sleep. I’ll leave after this IV drip is done,” Song Yu said as he sat on the chair by the bed, fiddling with his phone.

I ignored him, closed my eyes, and pretended to sleep. But I accidentally fell into a deep sleep, something I hadn’t done in a long time, possibly due to the anesthesia. When I woke up, it was just past 11 PM, and a small orange lamp was lit by the bedside.

Song Yu hadn’t left. He was asleep, resting his head on the bed while holding my wrist. The warm yellow light cast a soft glow on his profile.

Though Song Yu is quite despicable, he’s consistently handsome. Looking at myself now, I couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh.

I moved my wrist, trying to pull it away, but as soon as I moved, Song Yu woke up.

He looked at me, a bit flustered, “Did I press on you?”

I shook my head, wanting to speak but finding my throat painfully dry.

Song Yu quickly lifted me up, took the straw cup from the bedside, and brought it to my lips. I took a sip to moisten my throat, and Song Yu took the cup away. “The doctor said you can’t drink too much water at once after surgery. Drink more later.”

I nodded, quietly leaning on his shoulder. “When can I go back to the country?”

Song Yu hesitated for a moment before saying, “Let’s wait for the results this time and see. If surgery is possible, you’ll have to stay here for a while.”

I nodded again and said, “Song Yu, don’t lie to me. I don’t want to die in a hospital.”

Song Yu’s arm around my shoulder stiffened, and he rested his chin on my bony shoulder, speaking softly, “I’ve lied to you about many things, but not about this. Bai, whether you forgive me or not, please don’t push me away. You’re the only person I care about in my life.”

“Bai, promise me, live well, don’t give up.”

I lowered my eyes and let out a faint laugh, “Song Yu, we’re really interesting. When I liked you, you told me feelings were insignificant. Now that I don’t like you anymore, you tell me you love me.”

Song Yu didn’t respond, but I could clearly hear him swallow, a sound tinged with bitterness.

I tried to move, wanting to leave Song Yu’s embrace. I didn’t want to have too much physical contact with him or appear too intimate.

Song Yu didn’t dare to force me. Sensing my intention, he obediently let go of me and laid me back on the pillow.

Seeing him standing by the bed, unsure of what to do, I sighed lightly and said, “Song Yu, let’s forget about who was right or wrong in the past. I don’t have the strength to continue entangling with you. I’m tired. If you truly care about me and want me to recover, then please don’t appear in front of me again. I’m begging you, just leave.”

Song Yu lowered his eyes slightly, remained silent for a moment, and then said, “Bai Yu, I can listen to you about anything, but this I can’t agree to. It’s too late. You just had surgery and need more rest. I’ll leave now and come back to see you tomorrow.” Without waiting for me to say anything else, he turned off the bedside lamp and left the ward.

Watching Song Yu’s departing figure, my heart was a mix of emotions.

This feeling of being unable to push away, unable to escape, made me very uncomfortable. I didn’t want any more contact or entanglement with Song Yu, but at the moment, I didn’t have the ability to refuse. Returning home in my current state would only be a burden to my family.

I sighed quietly, unsure of what to do.

After Song Yu left, I couldn’t fall asleep. My mind was restless until dawn, when I finally felt a bit sleepy. Upon waking, I found Aida staring at me with wide eyes.

I was startled by her, as she was far too close.

“What are you doing?” I exclaimed in surprise.

Aida didn’t realize she had startled me. She looked at my face earnestly and said, “Mr. Bai, your eyelashes are so long, longer than mine. Your nose is so straight, with a rounded tip, as if it’s been polished. Your lips are thin and small, and your face has such good proportions.”

I coughed awkwardly, appreciating her effort to find so many nice things to say to me.

“Why are you here so early?”

Aida walked to the floor-to-ceiling window, pulled open the curtains, and pushed open the window, letting in the warm sunlight. “It’s not early; it’s already noon. Earlier, a nurse was going to give you an IV, but President Song stopped her, saying you hadn’t slept well last night and only fell asleep in the morning. He said to wait until noon to administer it. If you hadn’t woken up, I would have had to wake you.”

“Song Yu?” I instinctively looked towards the door, seeing a tall figure flash past through the frosted glass.

“Yes, I came, and President Song just left.” Aida smiled as she walked towards me. “The weather is particularly nice today, Mr. Bai. After lunch, I’ll accompany you for a walk. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck for hours once the IV is administered. Dr. David said you can get out of bed and move around a bit now.”

I looked at the blue sky and white clouds outside the window and smiled, agreeing.

Morrison Hospital is several times larger than Saint Riof Sanatorium. The hospital grounds include an artificial forest, a lake, and a zoo with small animals, including pandas.

I originally just wanted to take a casual walk, but upon hearing about the pandas, I was instantly interested. I hadn’t seen a panda before.

After lunch, Aida accompanied me on a leisurely walk towards the zoo, telling me about the history of Morrison Hospital and the achievements of the Morrison Institute in world medicine.

I listened half-heartedly, occasionally turning my head to look around, responding intermittently to Aida’s words.

Seeing my distraction, Aida asked, “Mr. Bai, what’s wrong?”

I stopped and glanced around. “Aida, do you feel like someone is following us?”

Upon hearing this, Aida also looked around. “No, this is a hospital. There are patients everywhere, so it’s normal for people to pass by.”

I thought about it and agreed. In such a large hospital, there are people everywhere. Who would follow the two of us? I must be overthinking.

The zoo at Morrison Hospital isn’t very large, and the variety isn’t extensive. Pandas are the most popular attraction.

Aida told me that because many Chinese people are hospitalized here, the hospital occasionally borrows pandas from Godley Royal Zoo for people to view.

We eagerly arrived at the panda enclosure, only to find the pandas lacking energy, as if they were sick, lying motionless on the platform.

After watching for a while, I felt uncomfortable and suggested that Aida take me to the garden for a walk.

However, as soon as we reached the garden, the feeling of being watched returned.

Although there were many patients and caregivers walking in the garden, I felt someone was watching me from somewhere. But when I went to check, there was nothing.

I asked Aida if she felt the same way. Aida seriously replied that she hadn’t seen anything.

Yet I still had a strong feeling.

Who could it be?

Could it be Song Yu!?

Song Yu’s Diary.

October 8, 2021

Our dinner does not come from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, but from their regard for their own interest. — Adam Smith

Today, I did something even I find unbelievable.

I forced myself on Bai Yu, and it was in a completely passive situation for him.

I don’t know why it happened. At that moment, I just really wanted to see him; it was a physical longing.

Perhaps it was the slap from Nian Hua that provoked me, urgently needing a place to vent.

Bai Yu cried again, from beginning to end. He said it hurt a lot, but I felt no softness or compassion. In that instant, I seemed to treat him as Nian Hua.

The more he hurt, the more satisfied and crazed I became.

Afterwards, I felt immense regret. He is Bai Yu, not Nian Hua, and shouldn’t be subjected to such torment.

I brought him back home and offered him some financial compensation. I thought this was what he wanted, but interestingly, he refused and asked me to deal with someone who bullied his friend.

I was curious about who could make him refuse a million-yuan compensation. He said it was his good friend.

Good friend? Ha, where in this world are there good friends?

In the end, I still gave him the money. It’s what he deserves, and I don’t want to owe him anything.

October 17, 2021

The outstanding problems of our economic society are its failure to provide full employment and its arbitrary and inequitable distribution of wealth and incomes.

— J.M. Keynes

Chi Jin is back. Chi Changmin really spared no expense, even sending his own son back.

Looks like I need to speed up. Tianhe Group must be secured quickly.

Nian Hua’s attitude towards me has changed. He no longer resists and even subtly suggests we should have something happen between us.

I held him, kissed him, spoke passionate words of love, pretending to love him deeply, yet my body had no reaction. In the end, I closed my eyes, trying hard to immerse myself, but Bai Yu’s tear-streaked face appeared in my mind.

Tsk, the body truly has memory.

Luan Qi is really useless. After learning from Catherine for so long, he still doesn’t know how to capture people’s hearts. Chi Jin has no interest in him at all.

This card is already discarded.

(Note: Luan Qi is the boy who appeared when Bai Yu and Song Yu first met at the beginning.)

Bai Yu, on the other hand, might be worth a try.

I’ll have Catherine create an opportunity for him to meet Chi Jin. If there’s potential, we’ll keep him. If not…

Bai Yu asked me what we are.

Such a foolish question.

Young people are always so naive and full of dreams.

Between us, there’s nothing but an employment relationship.

If I must say there’s something, it would only be physical compatibility.

After all, he’s young, and I like that.

Footnote:

1. Hua Tuo(华佗):A legendary physician from ancient China (c. 140–208 AD), renowned for his exceptional medical skills, including surgery, anesthesia (using a concoction called mafeisan), acupuncture, and herbal medicine. He is often regarded as a “divine doctor” or “miracle healer” in Chinese culture.