Waterbound Love - Chapter 51
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Seeing Du Bai, Shen Yan felt a turmoil within her, hesitant to speak her mind. What should she do? Throughout their journey, even without emotional attachment, she had grown accustomed to her presence, to standing always behind her. She knew her well-Wei Jia’s last words had left an indelible mark of pain. These words, those incidents, were like white phosphorus under the sun, accumulating and struggling until reaching a breaking point. She never wanted to be that breaking point.
Du Bai reached out her hand, touching Shen Yan’s face, sending a chill that pierced her heart, a touch so engulfing. Shen Yan wished she could forever drown in the comfort of that palm, gazing into those tender eyes that seemed almost tearful. She felt a lump in her throat, stuck, making her want to sob. What are you doing? You can’t give her forever. With this thought, Shen Yan abruptly moved away from Du Bai’s touch.
Du Bai’s hand paused mid-air, holding its position. She glanced at Shen Yan, understanding, and then withdrew her hand with a bitter expression. Perhaps, like so many times before, she had missed her chance again, but why did this time have to feel so painful, so difficult?
Turning around, she saw the sunlight streaming through the window, casting light on a turtle floating in the bathtub.
Perhaps, many things get drowned in the swirl of deep emotions, like feelings themselves.
Maybe many days later, she would forget this confused afternoon, just like she had forgotten those sporadic sunsets from many days before.
The sun sets in the west, and no one speaks, just like Du Bai’s favorite line of poetry:
“You listen to me from afar, my voice can’t reach you: let me rest in your silence.”
“Let me converse with your silence, which is as bright as a lamp, as simple as a ring.”
“Owning peace and the stars, you are like the night.”
“Your silence is like stars, distant yet straightforward.”
“I love your tranquility, as if you have already left.”
“Distant and full of sorrow, as if you have already passed away.”
“Just one word, one smile, is already enough.”
“I am happy, yet not really happy.”
“We have even lost.”
“We have even lost the twilight.”
Looking up, she realized she had already left.
Picking up the keys, Du Bai wandered around, observing the night sky no longer azure. She enjoyed this feeling, wandering around, tired, the keys in her hand reminding her that she still had a home.
Feeling like having a drink, Du Bai hailed a cab and out of habit, she said “Somn”, only to realize with a start-like the evening sun, it no longer existed. Let’s go see it, it’s worth checking out.
Arriving at Somn, Du Bai felt a strange sensation. She had come nostalgic, prepared for desolation, yet it was thriving, which made her feel disconnected. It was like entrusting your child to someone else’s care, watching your child being well nurtured by others, yet seeing no trace of missing you.
Du Bai quietly walked in, finding everything as it was before. The decor was merely refreshed without significant changes. As she looked towards the bar, her smile froze instantly. A bitter taste surged in her mouth; that girl, she seemed familiar.
Shen Yan followed An Qinqin’s gaze and saw Du Bai at the entrance looking towards her. Shen Yan’s figure was so frail, exuding intense loneliness and sorrow, it sparked an urge to rush over and embrace her. Thinking of her own situation, she forcefully suppressed that impulse. Why bother? Why make her sad for her sake? It was time to let go, wasn’t it?
Releasing her hand from mussing An Qinqin’s hair, she glanced over her shoulder, smiled at Du Bai, and nodded. Each movement felt like moving a numb body, the prickling soreness unbearable yet unavoidable.
Du Bai stared at Shen Yan’s hand, momentarily stunned, then broke into a radiant smile and moved towards her.
Du Bai, even if it’s sour, you can’t cry. You originally had nothing, don’t be sad. Even if hurt, find a quiet place to lick your wounds alone, she thought to herself.
“I’ll have a Forgetfulness,” Du Bai said to the stranger at the familiar spot. Shen Yan was there; she believed that the drink still existed.
The bartender glanced at Shen Yan, who slightly nodded, then began to prepare the drink.
An Qinqin felt a pang of sourness in her heart. So, the drink could be made, but only for special people. Looking at Shen Yan, she bit her lip and stepped forward to hug Shen Yan’s arm. “Shen Yan, let me buy you a drink.”
Shen Yan looked at An Qinqin’s entwined hand, frowned slightly but did not shake it off. “Forget it, let me treat you instead.”
An Qinqin, a clever woman, saw Shen Yan’s struggle and realized this was an opportunity. She had recognized Du Bai early on. “No way, you handed Somn over to me to manage, and I haven’t thanked you yet. A drink would be getting off cheap.” Her words were sincere, but An Qinqin, whose father was the Chief of the Public Security Bureau, knew well the relationship between Du Bai and Somn. Although unsure of the potential impact of her words, she was indeed doing this deliberately.
Du Bai’s hand trembled slightly as she held her drink, while Shen Yan looked at her with a complex expression. Du Bai stared back at Shen Yan, her face solemn, “You gave it to her?” Her words had a double meaning, seemingly not just about Somn. Shen Yan clenched her teeth and nodded after a long pause. Du Bai stared blankly at her, as if looking at a stranger, then sighed deeply. Lifting her glass, she downed the Forgetfulness in one gulp.
Shen Yan pushed the glass towards her, and the two resumed the afternoon’s routine, silently drinking Forgetfulness one glass after another. An Qinqin couldn’t stand it any longer, snatched Shen Yan’s glass, and after a stern look from Shen Yan, she bit her lip and finished the remaining drink. Another joined the drinking ranks, much to the bartender’s dismay, as the three seemed to be proving a point-that they were not drinking liquor, but water. Wonder if the boss has a commission for drinking.
