Chapter 8

Shasha asked me, “Are you really willing to be fertilizer for your brother?”

Willing to let him take root in my life, desperately absorbing all the nutrients, growing taller and taller?

While I keep withering away.

Of course I’m not willing.

Shasha hugged me:

“Even I haven’t given up, how can you think that way?

“Maybe you’re just a late bloomer.

“Our homeroom teacher said there was a student in the previous grade who suddenly blossomed in the third year of middle school, went from over a hundredth in the grade to fifth, and got into No. 1 Middle School.”

The teaching quality at township middle schools is poor.

Our school has more than two hundred students per grade, and fewer than ten can get into No. 1 Middle School.

I’m sorry, but I’m just the most ordinary one in the crowd.

I’m really not someone with talent.

To comfort me, Shasha took out her own stash of money and decided to take me to the county town for a weekend trip.

Honestly, it’s a bit embarrassing to say.

I grew up to my teens and had only been to the county town twice, both times when visiting my aunt.

The countryside is about twenty kilometers from the county town.

There are no regular buses, and taking a Jinbei minivan costs one yuan per person.

We couldn’t bear to spend that.

So the two of us took turns riding a bicycle, pedaling until we were drenched in sweat before finally reaching the county town.

Things were expensive, and we couldn’t bear to buy anything.

But Shasha still took out five yuan, and the two of us took a photo together in one of those popular sticker booths.

We only knew how to make the peace sign, so when the photos came out, we looked pretty silly.

After taking the sticker photos, we strolled along a branch of the Xiang River that winds around the city.

The wind was strong, tangling my hair into a mess.

I saw a missing person notice posted on a utility pole.

It was a pair of parents looking for their daughter who had gone missing more than ten years ago.

I pointed at the round, blurry photo and said, “This kid has a mole at the corner of her eye, just like you. Could your parents be looking for you?”

Shasha came closer and touched the corner of her eye: “This isn’t a mole, it’s a mark left from being poked when I was little.”

“She’s so fair and chubby, and I’m dark and skinny.”

She said this, her mood dropping: “You still haven’t given up, but it’s not me they’re looking for.”

I had called the number a few times before, always ending in disappointment.

Shasha gave a self-deprecating smile: “My parents are probably like Uncle Zhang, who abandoned me just to have a son. Why would they look for me?”

Uncle Zhang had five daughters and sent three away.

Now Aunt Zhang is pregnant again, and the fortune teller says this time it will definitely be a boy.

I gripped Shasha’s hand tightly: “If I ever have a child, I’ll only have a daughter.”

Shasha laughed: “You haven’t studied biology yet. You can’t decide if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“Besides, only someone as capable as Sister Lili gets to make that choice.”

Sister Lili was the first female college student from the neighboring village, now settled in the provincial capital.

She only had one daughter.

During the New Year, people in the village asked if her in-laws pressured her to have a son, and she just smiled: “If you want a grandson, get a different daughter-in-law.”

“I don’t rely on them to support me, so why should they boss me around?”

These remarks were hotly discussed by the village elders, who said she had read a bit too much and forgotten all the old traditions.

When we left the county town, Shasha spent two yuan on stinky tofu and a bowl of sweet fried dough.

It was delicious.

Later, I ate stinky tofu many times, but never found that same taste again.

I want to be Sister Lili, not Aunt Zhang.

After returning from the county town, I pulled myself together and studied even harder.

But at the end of the first year, I only ranked sixteenth in the class.

Shasha comforted me, saying not to worry, I still had time.

But she didn’t.

After the summer break, she would be in her third year of middle school.

Her younger brother would also start middle school.

Because she was always first in her grade, the school was willing to waive her tuition and subsidize her living expenses so she could continue studying.

But Uncle Zhao and Aunt Zhao firmly refused.

“Why does a little girl need so much schooling?”

“Your uncle’s factory needs people. We’ve raised you all these years, now it’s time for you to pay us back.”

…

Although nine years of compulsory education was a national policy, at that time, it was common in the countryside for kids not to finish middle school.

No one would interfere in these family matters.

No matter how Shasha pleaded or resisted, Uncle Zhao and Aunt Zhao wouldn’t budge.

Aunt Zhao even said, “Even if she gets into No. 1 Middle School, I won’t pay for her to go. If she really goes to college, she’ll just fly away and forget about me and her father.”

“A heartless child like her shouldn’t be allowed to study more.”

The evil in human nature is truly chilling.

Afraid Shasha would run away, Uncle Zhao and Aunt Zhao locked her up.

The doors and windows were all locked, just waiting for her uncle to take her to the factory when he had time.

Aunt Zhao wouldn’t let me into the yard, so I could only stand far away on the country path.

Shasha pressed her face against the window, her face reddened and distorted by the rusty steel bars. Her usually bright and stubborn eyes were brimming with tears.

Her tears didn’t fall, but I couldn’t help but cry my eyes out.

Shasha mouthed silently:

“Don’t cry.

“Don’t cry!

“This is my fate!”