Chapter 1

Chapter 1

On the night of Liang Xu’s birthday, I was twenty minutes late.

It wasn’t because of traffic.

It was because I had sat in my car for a long time, reading and rereading the message he’d sent me.

“Don’t make a scene tonight. They’re all friends. Keep it dignified.”

I stared at the word “dignified” and let out a laugh.

How easy for him to say.

He was the one who’d broken up with me.

He was the one who’d brought his new lover into our circle.

And now even my dignity was something he got to hand out.

When I pushed open the door to the private room, the party was in full swing.

Liang Xu sat right in the middle, wearing a white shirt with the cuffs rolled to his forearms, a perfectly measured smile on his face.

The people at that table weren’t just friends.

Back in college, we’d all worked together in a film and media group. After graduation, we’d somehow circled back into the same advertising industry.

Liang Xu’s family had connections, and he’d been the one to introduce several projects.

The small studio he co-owned with Zhou Yan was currently waiting for an annual contract to be stamped and finalized.

Everyone at that table knew that offending Liang Xu didn’t just mean losing a friend.

There was a young man sitting beside him.

Xu Du.

The new planning intern Liang Xu had brought in.

He looked very clean-cut.

Bright eyes, with little canine teeth that showed when he smiled.

When he saw me, the boy visibly stiffened.

The whole table went quiet for a moment too.

I didn’t look at Liang Xu.

I only glanced over the empty seats.

The seat on Liang Xu’s right was empty.

The seat on Zhou Yan’s left was empty too.

I walked over and sat down beside Zhou Yan.

Someone coughed.

Someone lowered their head to check their phone.

Liang Xu finally lifted his eyes.

“Shen Que.”

He called my name like he was warning a disobedient dog.

I tilted my head and smiled.

“What? Am I not allowed to sit next to Zhou Yan?”

Zhou Yan didn’t speak.

He had his eyes lowered, slowly wiping the rim of his glass.

He had always been like this.

Calm, immaculate, never joining in the commotion, and never putting anyone on the spot.

Liang Xu once said Zhou Yan was his most dependable friend.

How dependable?

When Liang Xu and I fought, he was the one who came to pick Liang Xu up.

When Liang Xu got drunk, he was the one who replied to messages for him.

When Liang Xu forgot my birthday, he was also the one who reminded Liang Xu to buy flowers.

That bouquet was later arranged in the living room of my apartment.

I said thank you to Liang Xu.

Liang Xu said, “Zhou Yan picked them. He has good taste.”

Only later did I learn that it wasn’t because Zhou Yan had good taste.

It was because he remembered what I’d said on the day our club recruited new members: overly full red roses looked more like an apology than like affection.

I hadn’t thought much of it then.

Thinking about it now, it was truly ironic.

After a few rounds of drinks, someone started egging me on.

“Shen Que, toast the birthday boy.”

“Yeah, come on. It’s all in the past.”

“We’re still friends, aren’t we?”

I picked up my glass.

Liang Xu’s gaze visibly darkened.

He was probably afraid I’d say something ugly.

But I had no intention of cursing him out tonight.

That would be letting him off too easily.

I held the glass out in front of Zhou Yan.

“Block this one for me.”

Zhou Yan raised his eyes.

His eyelids were thin, and whenever he looked at someone, it always felt like he was seeing them through a layer of cold fog.

I leaned a little closer and lowered my voice.

“My ex is watching.”

The table fell completely silent.

Zhou Yan looked at me for two seconds.

Then he took my glass and drained it in one gulp.

The glass landed back on the table with a sound that wasn’t loud, but it felt like it had struck every single person across the face.

Liang Xu finally stood up.

“Zhou Yan.”

Zhou Yan didn’t look at him.

He only asked me, “Do you need me to block another?”

My smile turned even prettier.

“I do.”

That night, I didn’t actually drink much.

But I pretended to be very drunk.

When the party broke up, Liang Xu came over and reached out to support me.

I avoided him.

He frowned.

“Shen Que, don’t reject my kindness and embarrass yourself.”

Those words were far too familiar.

In the two years we were together, every time he felt my emotions had crossed a line, he would say something like that.

Don’t make a scene.

Don’t be dramatic.

Don’t refuse the way out I’m giving you.

In the past, I really would stop.

Because I was afraid he would turn and leave.

But that night, I steadied myself against the wall and reached out to grab Zhou Yan’s sleeve.

“You take me home.”

Liang Xu’s expression finally changed.

Zhou Yan lowered his head and looked at my hand.

My fingers were clenched tightly, like I was holding on to one final rope.

He didn’t shake me off.

He only said, “Let’s go.”

Behind me, I heard someone mutter a curse under their breath.

“That’s seriously ugly.”

I pretended not to hear.

After we left the club, a gust of night wind hit me, and my stomach turned.

Zhou Yan brought me to the curb and hailed a car for me.

I leaned against a lamppost, watching as the neon lights carved his profile into cold, hard lines.

“Aren’t you going to ask what I’m trying to do?”

“It’s not hard to guess.”

“Then why are you going along with it?”

Headlights swept over us.

His eyes brightened for an instant before dimming again just as quickly.

“Because tonight, you only grabbed me.”

That sentence was like a needle, puncturing the drunkenness I’d been pretending to have.

Zhou Yan opened the car door and held a hand over the roof.

“Get in, Shen Que.”

I didn’t move.

He looked at me.

“Are you trying to piss him off, or are you trying to destroy yourself?”

All at once, I couldn’t smile anymore.