Chapter 19: A Troubled Heart

In less than twenty minutes, I’d filled in the entire paper smoothly.

Some students were still scratching their heads over the cloze passage at the end when the thirty minutes allotted for answers expired, a sign of the test’s difficulty.

Teacher Lin collected the papers without mercy. She laid out her red pen at one side of the front desk, began marking them on the spot, and called students by number for the second stage: the oral test.

An open space at the front of the classroom had been cleared for reading aloud.

Students went up one by one to face English cards drawn at random by Teacher Lin. Some were so nervous their voices shook; others stumbled over unfamiliar words and broke into a sweat.

Teacher Lin marked the written papers in red while recording oral scores on her sheet.

“Next, Fang Luo.”

When I heard my name, I walked calmly to the front and accepted a printed white card from her. A glance showed a short narrative about natural scenery and childhood feelings:

Autumn is a magical season.

When the golden leaves fall from the tall trees, the earth wears a warm, yellow coat. …every little thing seems to shine with happiness.

Without hesitation, I steadied my breathing and began.

My long-familiar feel for the language combined with my clear, unchanged child’s voice. My pronunciation was precise, and the passage even acquired the rhythm of a story being gently told.

By the end, Teacher Lin had stopped marking. She looked up, adjusted her glasses, and listened intently, her eyes showing admiration and surprise. For a third-grader, it was nearly perfect.

When I finished, I saw her award full marks without hesitation and smile at me. Did that mean my place was already decided?

I wasn’t sure. It should depend on ability, I supposed.

Once everyone’s oral test was over, only the monotonous swing of the wall clock remained in the room.

In under five minutes, the written and oral scores for all sixteen students had been added up. Teacher Lin stood, placed both hands on the desk, and smiled around the room.

“All right. After a rigorous overall assessment, the two representatives from third grade have been selected.”

It was undoubtedly a heart-stopping moment, like the final strike at an auction when the highest bidder wins. The children watched solemnly, and the air seemed to freeze.

“Congratulations to Fang Luo, first in total score, and Wen Shuyao, second! The two of you will represent Xia Minghan Primary School in the city on Sunday!”

Boom!

The long-suppressed atmosphere broke at once. Some were happy, others sad.

The instant Wen Shuyao heard the result, her eyes lit up. Her fair cheeks flushed with excitement. Almost instinctively, she turned and raised her right hand, ready to find Fang Luo for a celebratory high five, as she did in class after solving a hard problem.

Unfortunately, the clean-cut boy wasn’t sitting beside her now.

Her raised hand froze in midair.

Only then did she realize that her neighbor was Zhou Wei, the English representative. The usually melancholy girl had lowered her head, lost in thought.

Slowly, Zhou Wei buried her face deep in her arms. Her small shoulders shook violently, her hands gripped her uniform pants, and clear tears fell one by one onto the desk as she cried silently.

She looked so lonely and miserable.

Wen Shuyao’s joy vanished. The hand raised for a high five slowly fell, and she was left at a loss.

Beside her was a crying classmate; she herself was the winner. Zhou Wei had helped teach her English before and was the class English representative, yet she hadn’t qualified.

Wen Shuyao pressed her lips together and reached out uncertainly to comfort her. Her hand rested gently on the crying girl’s back.

“Don’t cry… Please don’t cry…”

…

Elsewhere in the room, hearing that I’d placed first stirred nothing in me. It was expected.

With nine years of compulsory education, four years of college, and careful attention during recent lessons, I’d have been ashamed to face anyone if I couldn’t get through a third-grade preliminary selection.

What surprised me was Wen Shuyao coming second.

She’d visibly improved lately, pulling me into grammar practice after school every day, but I hadn’t really expected her to win.

Xia Minghan was a key county primary school, full of strong students. The training group included someone tutored by a university student and the third-ranked student in the grade. I hadn’t expected her to emerge from that field of sixteen.

But she had.

So I was surprised.

Did that mean she and I would be partners at the city competition this weekend?

I instinctively turned toward her, but two tall boys’ heads blocked my view completely.

“It was you after all, Fang Luo.”

Chen Ziang spoke beside me. I turned. The boy in black-framed glasses had arranged his pencils neatly in his pouch. His face showed no disappointment or hurt; he calmly pushed up his glasses as though he’d long accepted the inevitable.

“I knew you’d get through. Impressive.”

“…Thanks?” I nodded. Honestly, I couldn’t tell whether it was flattery or sincere.

His poker face was already beginning to show.

At the front, Teacher Lin clapped, gathering everyone’s dispirited or sad attention.

“All right, those are the results. The rest of you mustn’t be discouraged. Sticking with the intensive training until now is already an excellent achievement! What you’ve learned will help you do well in future exams. This isn’t the only competition; there will be other chances. Keep going.

“For now, have a good weekend and rest well over the next two days. Fang Luo and Wen Shuyao, stay behind. Everyone else may pack up and go home.”

“Yes!” “Okay!”

“Goodbye, Teacher!”

After she finished, the classroom displayed the full range of elementary-school reactions.

The eliminated children left one by one, wearing different expressions. Some let out long breaths, as though a great weight had lifted, and grabbed their bags, cheering that they could finally sleep in tomorrow. Others hung their heads, eyes red, crumpling their papers and stuffing them deep into their bags; who knew what heavy expectations they carried?

Some had been sad, but on hearing there were two days off, their faces changed and they stood blankly, unsure whether to keep being sad.

That was how elementary schoolers generally thought. Happiness and disappointment came quickly and went quickly; in a few days, most would have put it behind them.

Gradually, the room emptied.

Usually Wen Shuyao came over to talk to me. Since we’d be representing the school together, I decided to take the initiative and congratulate her.

I got up, wandered over, and pulled out a chair beside her desk. Just as I was about to speak—

Something seemed wrong.

Wen Shuyao sat quietly. Normally she’d greet me when I came over, but now she said nothing. Conflict and self-reproach had replaced her usual warm smile. Her little hands gripped her bag straps, and her eyes were full of sorrow.

“…What’s wrong?” I asked.

She looked up, her clear eyes full of tears and uncertainty. “Fang Luo… Should I never have done this well?”

“?…” I couldn’t follow her thinking.

She sniffed. “I want… I want to give the place to Zhou Wei.

“She cried so hard just now. I felt terrible. If I hadn’t come second, maybe the place should have been hers. I pushed her out…”

“…?” Even after the explanation, I didn’t understand.

All right, perhaps I needed to reason it out. Wen Shuyao felt responsible that Zhou Wei hadn’t qualified. Though I didn’t really understand why, that feeling had made her want to surrender her place.

I knew Wen Shuyao was kindhearted and soft, but this was the actual English competition. Surely she didn’t have to give it up?

I thought for a moment and sighed. “Are you sure? You earned that score yourself, and Teacher Lin marked the paper in front of everyone. Why blame yourself for pushing someone else out? Haven’t you been working hard too?

“Besides, in a test where only two out of sixteen can advance, someone is bound to miss the competition.”

“But Zhou Wei is my friend…”

Wen Shuyao’s tears finally fell. She wiped them with her sleeve, her voice full of hurt. “When we sat together during training, she taught me to read words I didn’t know. We were happy together… Just now, when I saw her crying at her desk alone, I felt awful. I kept trying to comfort her, but I couldn’t. She left without even speaking to me.

“I… I really want to give her the chance…”

Looking at the tears on her eyelashes, I fell briefly silent again.

I could understand why Zhou Wei cried. Everyone knew hard work didn’t always lead to success; harsh reality wasn’t a fairy tale.

Zhou Wei was the class English representative and worked hard, yet she hadn’t even scored above an ordinary classmate. Her frustration had turned into tears. Perhaps she’d really wanted to go, or perhaps she hadn’t wanted to disappoint Teacher Lin.

It was natural for an elementary school girl to struggle with that disappointment.

But Wen Shuyao seemed to blame her own success entirely for Zhou Wei’s setback.

I looked into her eyes. “Have you thought it through? You only have this one place. Once you give it up, it’s gone.”

I paused, then added softly, “Your parents would be very happy to hear you came second.”

“It’s okay.” Wen Shuyao sniffed, her nose red, and shook her head seriously. “I’ll explain the reason properly to Mom and Dad. I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“…” Could parents understand something like that?

It seemed Wen Shuyao hadn’t only grown up comfortably, but in a loving, accepting family.

In that case…

“If that’s what you want, I have nothing more to say.” I shook my head and stood. I always respected other people’s choices. “But telling me won’t do anything.”

I turned toward the front. Teacher Lin was still packing there. We hadn’t been talking for long. Did Wen Shuyao truly want to surrender her place, or was she simply venting her feelings?

I didn’t know, but pointing toward the teacher’s desk would give me an answer. “You can tell Teacher Lin you want to withdraw and see whether Zhou Wei can move up as the alternate.”

“Mm!” She didn’t hesitate. It was apparently the answer she’d expected.

Wen Shuyao stood and ran to the front.

The conversation that followed went smoothly. With red-rimmed eyes, she made up a reason. Teacher Lin was surprised at first, then helpless against the girl’s tears. With a sigh, she agreed: she would call Zhou Wei first thing tomorrow and say publicly that Wen Shuyao felt unwell over the weekend, allowing third-place Zhou Wei to take her place.

And so it succeeded without serious trouble.

But was this really the outcome Wen Shuyao wanted?

Perhaps I shouldn’t have been curious, and perhaps I shouldn’t have cared about elementary school relationships… But Wen Shuyao was a lovely deskmate. I thought I’d better pay a little more attention.