Chapter 17

After that day, I never left the house again.

I locked myself in my room.

Reading the Book of Songs over and over, torturing my heart again and again.

Until the last trace of love for Pei Huai was extinguished.

Unwilling, I asked, “System, is there really no way to take the child with me?”

The system’s voice was icy cold: “To reiterate: he belongs to this world, you cannot take him nor erase him.”

“Alright.”

This was also the reason I had not torn things apart with Pei Huai for so long.

I was leaving.

But my child had to stay here.

He would have to face everything that was to come, alone.

And what I had to do was to arrange his life properly before I left.

I wrote a letter to my legitimate elder sister, asking her to take the child into the palace and raise him after I was gone. I did not trust Pei Huai; I only trusted my elder sister.

She had always been clever and courageous, and the child could learn much from her.

Then, there was Pei Huai.

I gave Zhier the red sachet I had picked up back then, along with the new sachet I had made.

My sachet was embroidered with a solitary mandarin duck and my childhood name.

Inside was a letter I had written to Pei Huai.

Very simple.

But enough.

After arranging everything, I instructed Zhier, “After I die, you must hand this to Pei Huai yourself.”

Zhier cried her heart out, hugging my leg, only able to nod.

I gently stroked her head, soothing her softly: “Silly child, why are you crying? Your young lady is going to live a good life, you should be happy for me.”

She looked up at me, her eyes shining.

“Miss has suffered in this life, in the next one you must live well!”

I was stunned.

Had I really suffered in this life?

It seemed I hadn’t.

I transmigrated here, and though I lived in constant fear, I was pampered as I grew up.

As a child, my parents and siblings sheltered me.

After marriage, Pei Huai sheltered me.

I fell in love with him, relied on him, as if I truly became a pampered young lady of ancient times.

But I knew better than anyone.

I was not.

My mind was full of novel ideas; I could brew wine and forge swords, I could design more ornate hairpins, create more beautiful dresses, but I dared not show any of them.

I was a daughter of a noble family.

I did not represent myself, but the Shen Family; my every move reflected the honor and dignity of my parents and siblings.

So I did nothing.

Sometimes I wondered, if only I had truly been born in this era.

If that were so, Pei Huai could take concubines as he wished, and I would fulfill the tolerance and magnanimity of a proper wife.

But I was not, and I could not share my husband with another woman.

All I wanted was one heart, one soul, for a lifetime.

He could do it at first, so I stayed and loved him.

Now he cannot, so I leave.

But my departure must not be silent.

I want to give Pei Huai a gift-

A blood-red gift, ending with my death.

I believe he will never forget it for the rest of his life.