Chapter 16: How Can I Be Well When I’m This Weak?

Xu Family Village was only eight or nine li from the county town, less than an hour by ox cart. As the cart passed through the gate, its passengers brightened.

The town of Anyang County was bustling. Shops lined the streets, selling cloth, oil and salt, and wooden goods; peddlers carrying their wares on shoulder poles called out, their cries traveling from one end of the street to the other. Su Wan sat at the back with her basket by her knees and did not look around much. This was not her first visit.

Anyang County came under the border city’s administration. Though far from that city, it was close to Huai City, home to the largest docks in Great Jing. Most outside goods coming in, and most goods leaving the border region, passed through Anyang. As a result, the county town was more prosperous than most. With money in hand, one could buy almost anything.

The cart stopped at the mouth of West Street. “We’re here,” Old Uncle Wang called. “Anyone getting off, do it now. Meet here again in the late afternoon.”

The women picked up their baskets and bundles. Granny Zhao climbed down carefully with her bamboo basket. Her legs were not as quick as they once had been, and Su Wan offered her a hand.

The older woman smiled until her face creased. “I’m lucky to have you, Wan.”

Su Wan settled her own basket on her back and held out a hand. “Give me your herbs, Granny. Go sell your eggs, and I’ll find you once I’ve sold the herbs.”

Granny Zhao lifted the grass covering her basket. Beneath it were a dozen or so eggs and five bundles of dried herbs. She handed over the herbs. “I’m troubling you again.”

“You don’t have to say that. Go sell your eggs, and be careful no one jostles you.”

Granny Zhao nodded. “You be careful too. The town is crowded; keep hold of your purse.”

“I will.”

Su Wan watched her leave, then headed for South Main Street. Anyang’s streets formed a grid, with the prosperous officials’ quarter to the north and the busy commercial quarter to the south. Officials mostly lived in the northern part, where courtyards were spacious and streets clean. Shops filled the lively south. Fu’an Pharmacy stood midway along South Main Street, its sign painted in black characters and the scent of herbs strong inside.

As Su Wan reached the entrance, she stopped. A slender man in a blue robe stood at the counter, his back straight and his hair neatly combed. But his face looked unwell: dark shadows lay beneath his eyes, and his lips had little color.

Xu Xiuzhi. Her eyes flickered. It seemed the dose she had given him had taken effect.

She entered in time to hear him say irritably, “Doctor Xie, I tire after only a few steps. I can’t sleep soundly at night, my chest feels tight, and I can’t concentrate on my books. How can I have nothing wrong with me?”

An elderly, bearded doctor sat beside the counter, stroking his beard. “Scholar Xu, I’ve checked your pulse. There is no serious problem. If you’re tired, rest more and stop staying up so late.”

Xiuzhi’s face darkened. “I have rested. I went to bed early last night, but I was still exhausted when I woke. Please look again. Could my qi and blood be depleted?”

Doctor Xie glanced at him. “If anything is depleted, it’s from the strain of studying. More rest should be enough. Medicine shouldn’t be taken recklessly; harming yourself with it would be worse.”

Xiuzhi pressed his lips together, plainly dissatisfied. A young assistant weighing medicine looked up, saw Su Wan, and brightened. “Miss Wan, you’re here.”

She nodded. “I’ve come to sell some herbs.”

At the other end of the counter, she set down her basket and took out the tied bundles. The assistant opened them and checked them with a smile. “Beautifully dried, no damp, and good quality. You always do careful work.”

“Things meant to be sold should be prepared properly,” she said evenly.

He smiled. He had become an apprentice at the pharmacy at eleven, the same age Su Wan had been when she first arrived with a small basket of herbs. At first, the staff would not buy from her. Later Doctor Xie examined them himself and found them exceptionally good and well dried. The pharmacy had bought from her ever since, and after several years they knew one another well.

Su Wan glanced toward Xiuzhi and lowered her voice. “That’s Scholar Xu, isn’t it? What illness does he have?”

The assistant lowered his voice too as he weighed the herbs. “Doctor Xie says he isn’t ill, but he insists he is. He says he’s weak and gets tired after a few steps, so he’s come for something to strengthen him.”

“Oh,” Su Wan said softly.

The assistant curled his lip. “Scholars are particular. When farming folk work themselves weary, we sleep and get up to work again. He wants medicine when he isn’t even ill.”

Su Wan did not answer. She knew Xiuzhi was not pretending. No matter which doctor examined him, the conclusion would be the same: no illness. Yet his body would continue to weaken.

Studying exhausted the mind, and traveling to examinations took strength. A man who felt weak every day and tired just walking still hoped to study by lamplight and rise steadily through the ranks? He could dream.

The original Su Wan had suffered a lifetime of torment at his hands. Merely preventing him from taking the examinations was letting him off lightly.

At the other counter, Xiuzhi was still speaking to Doctor Xie. “Please prescribe something to restore my strength. I need to study; I can’t go on like this.”

The doctor frowned. “I can prescribe something, but you mustn’t overdo tonics. You’re young. Too much could harm you.”

Xiuzhi looked displeased but maintained his manners. “Then prescribe as you think best.”

Doctor Xie picked up his brush. Xiuzhi stood with one hand on the counter and his shoulders straight, but Su Wan could see he was forcing himself to stand. Only a little over ten days had passed, and he was already like this. He would feel worse as time went on.

The assistant finished weighing the herbs, and his abacus rattled. When he was done, he looked up. “Miss Wan, the total is one thousand five hundred and thirty-two copper coins.”

A woman waiting for medicine stared. “More than fifteen hundred? Those plants are worth that much?”

The assistant answered at once. “You can’t earn that by digging up any handful of weeds. You must identify the herbs, pick them properly, dry them well, and clean them. If it’s done wrong, we won’t buy them.”

The woman fell awkwardly silent. Su Wan’s expression did not change. The sum looked large, but she had gathered and saved the herbs for three months. Spread over that time, it was not much.

“Change one thousand coins into silver. Give me the rest in copper.”

“All right.” The assistant took a small piece of silver from beneath the counter, counted out five hundred and thirty-two copper coins, and strung them together. Su Wan accepted the payment, first separating the money for Granny Zhao’s five bundles into another small pouch, then putting her own money close to her body.

Once she had put it away, the assistant leaned forward and whispered, “If you go into the mountains in the next few days and find gastrodia, gather more of it. We need it urgently, and the price is higher than usual.”

“Gastrodia?”

“Yes. A wealthy household in Huai City wants a considerable amount. Doctor Xie says that if the quality is good, we can discuss a fair price.”

Su Wan’s interest stirred. Gastrodia was hard to find and grew in remote places, but she knew several spots in the mountains where it might grow. She was about to marry, though, and probably had no time to go before the wedding. Perhaps after marrying into the Huo family, she could make the trip.

She smiled. “Thank you. I’ll remember.”

He waved a hand. “Your herbs are good and save us trouble. Bring us anything worthwhile you find.”

Su Wan nodded and shouldered her empty basket. At the door, she looked back at Xiuzhi. He had just received his medicine packet and was asking the price with a frown.

“Sixty-eight copper coins,” the assistant told him.

Xiuzhi’s face changed. It was no small amount for the Xus. He rummaged in his purse for a long time before gathering enough. As he paid, his scholar’s composure nearly slipped. Su Wan saw it and smiled faintly.

Outside Fu’an Pharmacy, the sun had risen. Shops on both sides of South Main Street were open. A cloth-shop assistant called from a doorway, children crowded around a sugar-figure seller, and the scents of herbs, cooking oil, and cosmetics mingled in the air.

Su Wan did not immediately seek Granny Zhao. She turned first into the cosmetics shop next to the pharmacy. It was small, with a string of colored cords at the door. Rouge papers, eyebrow pigment, scented balm, hair oil, and several small porcelain boxes stood on the counter.

The shopkeeper’s wife looked her over, then smiled. “What would you like?”

“Two sheets of rouge paper, a small piece of eyebrow pigment, and a little box of scented balm.”

The woman beamed and selected the items. “The rouge is a lovely shade for the lips. The pigment is small but will last a long time. The balm is osmanthus-scented, delicate rather than overpowering.”

Su Wan lifted the balm and smelled it. The fragrance was clean and not cloying. “I’ll take them all.”

The shopkeeper’s wife wrapped them and moved her abacus beads. “One hundred and twenty-one copper coins.”

Su Wan’s hand paused at her purse. Things for women really were expensive. She had earned a little over a thousand coins selling herbs, and these few small items cost more than a hundred. In grain, that would feed the family for several days. The expense pained her, but she paid; a wedding was an important occasion.

The woman accepted the money with a smile. “Take care, and come again if you like them.”

Su Wan put the parcel in her basket and went to the embroidery shop at the end of South Street. Handkerchiefs, purses, and belts of every color hung inside. On the innermost row of shelves were red bridal veils and embroidered shoes.

Her wedding garment was finished, but her shoes and veil were not quite what she wanted. Madam Wang had offered to sew her a pair of shoes from old red cloth, but Su Wan had refused. This happened only once in a lifetime; she did not want to deny herself.

The shopkeeper brought out a pair of red embroidered shoes. Paired blossoms decorated the uppers. The stitching was not exceptional, but the shoes were festive and neatly made. Su Wan tried them on; they fit perfectly.

She also chose a red veil. The cloth was not thick, but hung low enough to cover her face, with a fine pattern around the edge. She paid, packed both purchases carefully, and left with her basket.

Having bought what she needed, she went to West Main Street. It was livelier still, with many food stalls. Oil sizzled in pans, steam rose before a bun shop, and the smell of meat made her stomach rumble.

She had eaten only the coarse-grain flatbreads Madam Wang gave her that morning, with little oil or fat, and was hungry again. She stopped at a bun stall and bought two meat buns.

Fresh from the steamer, they warmed her palms. She bit into one, and juices seeped out; the mingled scents of scallion and meat were delicious. The stallholder watched her enjoy them and smiled. “Another one, miss? There’s plenty of filling today.”

“Two are enough.”

When she finished, she wiped her hands and went to look for Granny Zhao among the egg sellers. Passing one stall, she had already stepped beyond it when she suddenly stopped.