Chapter 17

On the way back, I asked He Zhou, “Did you find what you were looking for?”

He nodded, a bit apologetically, and said:

“Sorry, Jingjing. I said I’d come to keep you company and help you relax, but in the end, I ended up ruining your mood for the banquet.”

“I wouldn’t have been in a good mood at a place like that anyway.”

I hooked my finger around He Zhou’s and whispered,

“He Zhou, don’t think that your return will ruin anything. That was never the life I wanted in the first place.”

Glittering lights, extravagant excess.

I’d spent seven years in that world, never for even a second feeling like I belonged.

I always found myself thinking of He Zhou, thinking of the moon the year I was seventeen.

All along, I belonged only to the world where he was.

“You don’t have to feel sorry. A mission this classified, so far-reaching, can’t afford the slightest mistake. You were right not to tell me-if the mission failed, I’d never forgive myself.”

“As for marrying Fu Jun, that was my own choice. I’ll bear the consequences myself-it has nothing to do with you.”

I paused, lowering my voice, “Brother, I’ve grown up now.”

I was no longer that little kid who smashed the orphanage director’s vase and ran to him, terrified, for help.

No longer the girl who broke her finger at eighteen and sobbed her heart out in his arms.

Back then, facing the class represented by Fu Jun and Xu Wanning, we were so powerless.

But all that is in the past.

He Zhou smiled, “At that charity event, you said you only ever called my name. I wonder who it was that used to chase after me as a child, calling me ‘brother’ with every breath.”

I blinked, “It’s different now than it was then.”

“Now, my feelings for you have crossed the line.”

“But, if you really want to hear me call you that at certain moments, I suppose I could. Brother-”

I stopped, turned, and stood on tiptoe.

Cupping his face, I kissed him.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

The moonlight was so gentle that night.

The night wind rustled the leaves on the branches.

He Zhou didn’t push me away.

His body tensed for a moment, but when I bit his lip in annoyance, he finally wrapped his arms around my waist, taking charge.

He never wore cologne.

There was only the lingering scent of laundry detergent on him, mixed with a faint trace of blood.

I remembered he was still hurt, and mumbled a reminder, “…Don’t press on your wound.”

“It’s fine.”

He Zhou only held me tighter. “A little pain is good.”

In a way, He Zhou and I are the same.

We always use pain to remind ourselves we’re still alive in a world without each other.

That long kiss ended amid our ragged breaths.

On the dark asphalt road, our shadows merged into one.

Just like years ago, when I ran away from the orphanage and got lost halfway.

We walked that night road together, side by side.

“Actually, I went to see a doctor last month. He said my hand can’t ever fully recover, but after some treatment, I’ll be able to pick up a brush again.”

I said, “I have so many ideas, so many things I want to paint, all for you to see.”

“So as long as we’re alive, every day ahead of us will be worth looking forward to.”