Chapter 11

After leaving the police station, they went to my apartment to collect my belongings, following the address the police had found.

I had lived and worked here for two years after graduation.

They had never visited.

In the car, my mother suddenly called out, “Jiaojiao.”

Xu Jiao looked at her nervously, her eyes hiding an undeniable guilt.

“The call Xu Tao made before she died, was it to you?”

“…”

Xu Jiao’s mouth opened, but no sound came out.

Usually so quick-witted, she couldn’t find a suitable excuse.

Finally, she said, “I had to wake up at four for makeup. I went to bed very early… I might have accidentally hung up in my sleep.”

She squeezed out a few tears, making her sorrow appear genuine.

My mother nodded and said nothing more.

As if it were just a casual question.

It was true.

She always called Xu Jiao, “Jiaojiao.”

When referring to me, she used my full name.

I sat in the car, and only after a long while did I slowly recover from the pain of dying again.

Xu Jiao’s eyes were tinged with a faint, tearful glimmer.

I drifted into my memories, thinking about our three names.

Xu Jiao was their cherished first child.

Xu Ze was a gift from heaven, a blessing.

And my name-

My name…

Less than 24 hours after I was born, my twin brother stopped breathing.

The doctor said the fetus had suffered from developmental issues in the womb, leading to organ failure.

By the hospital bed, an old woman shared her experience: “In cases like this, it’s always the other baby that steals the nutrients. I saw it many times when I was a midwife in the countryside. Look at your daughter, how well she’s grown.”

My mother leaned against the headboard, looking at me with a mixture of resentment and confusion.

She still hadn’t named me by the time I was a month old.

Until my grandmother called.

“The peach blossoms in front of the old house are blooming beautifully this year. Let’s call her Xu Tao.”

My father consulted a fortune teller.

He said the character “Tao” (peach) was good. Peach wood wards off evil spirits and could suppress my unlucky fate.

The car was dead silent.

Xu Ze broke the silence.

He said, somewhat uncomfortably, “I didn’t expect Xu Tao to have such bad luck…”

My mother suddenly turned to look at him. “What did you call her?”

Xu Ze was stunned.

He had always called Xu Jiao “sister” and me by my full name.

This was an unspoken, accepted rule in our family.

“Xu Tao is your sister. Your father and I can call her that, but you can’t. It’s disrespectful.”

Xu Ze had been spoiled since he was a child, and my mother’s sudden reprimand left him at a loss.

Finally, he awkwardly touched his nose. “Mom, are we going to have second sister cremated and take her back?”

My mother gave him a cold look and said nothing.

My apartment wasn’t very tidy.

It was a 30-square-meter studio. The sofa and coffee table were right next to the bed.

On the coffee table was half an eaten pomelo, now shriveled.

A blanket was draped over the sofa, and books were scattered messily on the floor.

Xu Ze was a bit of a neat freak.

He clearly wanted to say something, but after a glance at my mother, he kept his mouth shut.

My mother casually picked up a book. It was about psychology.

She paused, flipped through a few pages, and her fingers suddenly tightened.

The chapters on self-destructive tendencies and family of origin were heavily marked with pen lines.

These pages were loose, falling open easily, obviously having been read many times.

She pulled open the drawer of the small cabinet next to her.

Hospital records and notes from therapy sessions.

Several empty medicine boxes.

At the very back was a small stack of plane and high-speed train tickets.

Most were to popular coastal tourist cities.

Four people were crowded into the small room, and everyone could feel it.

A heavy, viscous atmosphere was pressing down, silently enveloping them.

Xu Jiao was the first to break.

She pointed to the ticket to Sanya, Hainan, on top of the pile and said with forced cheerfulness, “Well, at least Taotao’s last days were happy.”

“She’s been to more places than we have.”

This was one of the many tactics she had used on me in the past.

Casually mentioning in front of the family how happy I was without them.

How I was always nice to outsiders, unlike the hysterical, confrontational person I was in front of them.

All to prove my coldness and heartlessness.

But today, this tactic suddenly failed.

My mother whipped her head around, staring at her with a gaze so cold it was terrifying.

“Mother…”

As soon as Xu Jiao spoke, a heavy slap landed on her face.

She was stunned.

My father had always doted on Xu Jiao and rushed over to protect her, frowning. “Can’t you talk things out? Why are you hitting her?”

My mother was holding my therapy records.

-When did you start engaging in self-harm?

-After starting middle school.

-Do you feel a lack of belonging in your family? Why do you feel so redundant?

-When I was five, my sister said I should have died with my brother. If it weren’t for me, she would have been an only child, enjoying all of our parents’ love. My mother also said I was born evil and caused my brother’s death.

-Do thoughts of suicide appear frequently? Has your family…

Her lips trembled, as if she were slowly being consumed by a delayed grief.

“You acted so obediently in front of us…”

Her voice was filled with bewilderment. “What did you say to Xu Tao behind our backs?”

My father disapproved. “Xu Tao was unlucky from the start. Jiaojiao didn’t say anything wrong.”

“Shut up!”

My mother shrieked, her face flushing an unnatural red.

Xu Ze, worried about her health, rushed to support her. “Dad, you know Mom has a bad heart!”

“Xu Tao is dead. No matter what, you can’t hit Jiaojiao!”

My father’s eyes widened.

Xu Jiao seemed to have been dazed by the slap.

She stared at my mother for a long moment, then suddenly broke into a sweet yet malicious smile.

Like a flower with every petal steeped in poison.

“Mother, have you forgotten? I was young then, I didn’t know anything. It was you who told me that Xu Tao killed her brother.”

Xu Ze was furious. “Xu Jiao! How dare you speak to Mom like that!”

The two of them stood face to face, two clearly defined camps.

In my small room, they argued over my death, blaming each other.

I floated on the sofa, watching it all coldly.

Until the doorbell rang.