Chapter 12

I no longer paid attention to Henry’s pestering and followed my original plan, visiting all the places I wanted to see.

John appeared in front of me at the last stop of my journey.

Under the blanket of white snow, I was clumsily bending over to put on my shoes, wearing thick ski clothes, goggles, and a mask.

I don’t know how John recognized me through this almost impenetrable outfit, but when he squatted in front of me to tie my shoelaces, I almost didn’t recognize him.

He had lost a lot of weight, his hair had grown longer, and he wore all-black ski clothes. His lips were red, his teeth white, and there was a hint of the youthful spirit in his brows and eyes that I had seen when we first met.

That was the source of my affection for John.

Henry came out after changing clothes, holding goggles in his hand, and when he saw John squatting in front of me, he pulled the corners of his mouth.

It was a smile filled with complex emotions.

Or rather, it couldn’t be called a smile.

But John didn’t even spare Henry a glance; he just held my hand and said he wanted to take me skiing.

Honestly, I was really looking forward to this skiing trip. I was born in the warm south and had never seen heavy snow falling or been knee-deep in snow.

Later, when I had the money to travel, there was always some reason that kept me from having the time.

So when I saw the photos on John’s phone of him skiing with Ella, I thought, how nice, I want to ski too.

That was also the first time I clearly realized that John and I wouldn’t last.

Because I no longer had the desire to share with him or the expectation. I wanted to ski, but I was thinking about whether it would be cold or if falling would hurt.

Not about how happy it would be to ski with John.

I looked at the bustling scene outside the window at the ski resort, thought for a moment, and asked John if he had seen my email.

He lowered his eyes and nodded lightly.

I asked him if he wanted to have a hot drink together.

If facing each other and talking it out was the only way to let go, then let’s talk.

I didn’t want to drag things out any longer, no more lingering attachments.

I ordered a hot milk tea for John and, seeing Henry not far away, ordered a latte for him.

I don’t like these drinks, so I just asked for a cup of hot water.

John held the milk tea in both hands and asked if I was with Henry.

I shook my head and said no.

“Can you promise me that you’ll never be with him for the rest of your life?”

I thought for a moment and shook my head again, saying I couldn’t.

Living in the moment is most important; as for the future, don’t be too absolute.

I once thought John and I would definitely make it to the end. I wasn’t afraid of his infidelity, so what else would I be afraid of?

“Did you decide to leave because you found out about Ella?”

“No, I left you simply because I don’t like you and no longer love you.”

I don’t understand why every man thinks I left John because I couldn’t accept another woman.

John looked at me, his eyes red, and after a long time, forced out a very ugly smile.

“Zoe, forgive me one last time. I promise, I won’t look at another woman again. I’ll be good to you for the rest of my life, wholeheartedly. I can give you anything…”

“But I don’t love you anymore. I don’t need your wealth, nor your fidelity.”

“No, you’re just angry, like when we broke up before.” John took a deep breath, trying to smile more brightly, “We’ll make up, we can never be apart.”

“John, I don’t intend to change your mind. I just have one question for you.”

“Ask.”

“Do you remember how long it’s been since I cried in front of you?”

John stared at me, stunned.

“You love me, you have many women, coquettish, gentle, wild… You can’t love only me, but you love me the most.”

“But from beginning to end, I’ve only ever loved you.”

“I accepted the unfairness, but you can’t expect me to live in that unfairness forever.”

“Let go, John. You know very well in your heart that I’m good, but two, three, four Ellas combined will always be better than me.”

I placed the cup, no longer steaming, on the table and stood up, ready to enjoy the end of my journey.

But I heard John’s voice behind me.

“No one will be better.”

“No woman in the world will ever be better than you.”

If he had said this a few years ago, I would have been moved and would have turned back without hesitation to embrace John again.

But at this moment, I only wanted to stand eagerly in the snow.