Chapter 5

After that Friday night, Wei Qingchen and I became dinner buddies. When we had free time, we would cook together, as he said it was convenient. Often, he would be busy in the kitchen, and feeling guilty, I would help by preparing the vegetables. Sometimes, standing by the door watching him cook, I would be reminded of my past life.

I used to hope so much to cook with Tang Chao and clean the kitchen together. But unexpectedly, in three years, it never happened. Every time, I cooked alone, washed dishes alone, and even ate the meals alone.

I suddenly realized that I often unconsciously compared Wei Qingchen to Tang Chao. This thought was a bit dangerous.

Wei Qingchen is actually an outstanding person, both in ability and appearance. He is a perfectionist at work, never settling until he’s satisfied. He is also very handsome, with sharp eyebrows and bright eyes, and when he smiles, he has dimples, somewhat resembling a popular young star. Moreover, he insists on working out, and his physique is even better than that of a young star.

With someone like Wei Qingchen, I’m afraid I might be tempted. I’ve been divorced and am two years older than Wei Qingchen. If I fall into the trap of love again, it might be disastrous.

I’ve resolved not to be a love-struck fool anymore and to focus on my career. So, when Wei Qingchen texted me before getting off work, asking me to buy groceries and wait for him, I told him I had plans tonight and turned him down.

I didn’t expect to see Tang Chao at the office building entrance. His car was parked by the roadside, hazard lights flashing, and he was staring at the entrance of my company. When he saw me coming out, he honked the horn: “Get in the car.”

I pretended not to see him and walked straight past his car. But he followed behind me, honking incessantly, and colleagues around were starting to look over. I had no choice but to open the car door and get in.

Looking out the car window again, I saw Wei Qingchen standing at the company entrance, staring over with a seemingly sorrowful expression. My heart suddenly tightened.

“Who is he?” Tang Chao’s cool voice came from beside me, slightly hoarse.

“It’s none of your business,” I tried to speak calmly to him. “What do you want?”

He stared straight ahead, as if trying hard to suppress his inner turmoil. After a few seconds, he replied, “Come with me to a place.”

The place he mentioned turned out to be the white lighthouse by the Lan River. When we were dating, I had playfully told him how romantic the lighthouse was and how unforgettable it would be to be proposed to there. Unfortunately, I was too naive back then. He never loved me, so why would he propose?

We didn’t even have a wedding; we just got the marriage certificate, and it was me who brought it up first. Many college friends still don’t know that I married him.

And now, what does he want to do?

The car stopped by the navy blue riverbank, and Tang Chao opened all the car windows and the sunroof. The gentle evening breeze blew over, and the moonlight was dim, creating an unreal feeling.

“Miaomiao, do you remember what day it is today?” Tang Chao turned his head towards me, his voice a bit tender.

How could I not remember? It’s the day we got our marriage certificate.

My heart isn’t without pain. Last year, on the anniversary of getting the certificate, I longed to come here with him to enjoy the evening breeze, but he was alone in the car, reminiscing about his youth with Bai Xiaoxia’s photo. And when I woke up in the middle of the night, my pillow was soaked.

“Miaomiao, can we start over?” He held my hand, gazing at me with gentle eyes.

If he had said this before the divorce, I think I wouldn’t have been able to leave him.

“Aren’t you with Bai Xiaoxia?” My tone was somewhat bitter.

Tang Chao extended his other hand, wrapping my hand in his.

“I’m sorry,” his voice was light and slow, “I rejected her.”

“Being with her again made me realize that I’m not endlessly thinking about her; I’m just reminiscing about that youthful time.” Tang Chao’s voice was slightly bitter. “When I’m really with her, all I think about is you. Every night when I come home, the house is empty, and my heart is empty too.”

He paused and continued, “No matter how late I came home before, the lights were always on, and you were curled up on the sofa asleep, waiting for me.”

So he knew all along. Those nights I made dinner and waited for him to come home, those nights I yawned while waiting for him, he knew.

Yet he still came home late every day, letting me wait in vain. The delayed grievances overwhelmed me, and my tears couldn’t stop flowing, still unable to suppress the sadness.

Tang Chao reached out his fingers, constantly wiping away the tears that slid down my cheeks.

“Miaomiao,” his voice was also choked, “I’m sorry. Losing you made me realize that everywhere in life, there are traces of you.”

“I really can’t live without you. Will you marry me again?” His voice was hoarse, and he opened the velvet box in his hand.

A diamond ring sparkled under the moonlight.

I took several deep breaths, calmed down, and asked him, “What about Bai Xiaoxia? What will happen to her?”

I turned to look into his eyes, “That night, you kissed her by the roadside, and then you didn’t come home…”

“Miaomiao, please… don’t say it.” His eyes were full of embarrassment and regret, “I’m sorry. That night, after sending her off, I came home, but you were asleep and didn’t hear.”

Seeing that I didn’t move, he pulled my finger, trying to put the ring on.

But I withdrew my hand.

“Tang Chao,” I heard my own voice, cold and bitter, “I always wanted to wear matching rings with you, but you always despised them.

“Things you long for, if you can’t get them when you want them the most, making up for it later is useless. Because now, I don’t want it.”

The little flame in his eyes extinguished.

But he suddenly asked, “Is it because of him?”

I sneered twice, “Isn’t it because you and Bai Xiaoxia have been entangled all along? Between me and her, every time you chose her, even when she was far away abroad.”

“Tang Chao, I’m tired.” I leaned back in the seat, gently closing my eyes, “Now, I really feel sorry for myself when I was with you.”

He was silent.

A long, long time later, I heard his hoarse voice in my ear, “I’m sorry.”

Filled with apology and heartache.

But, it’s too late.