Chapter 1

After three years of marriage, I still find Tang Chao incredibly attractive.

He had just come out of the bathroom, his eyes still hazy with mist. I’ve been infatuated with this look of his for eight whole years.

He absentmindedly dried his hair as he walked. When he saw me on the bed, he paused, his expression turning gloomy.

“Chen Yimiao, is this all you ever think about?”

A disdainful snort left his nose, an undisguised look of contempt.

The image I had painstakingly put together became a joke in an instant. Instinctively, I pulled the thin blanket beside me over myself.

Tonight, I wore a carefully chosen sailor uniform, making myself look both pure and seductive. They say girls like this are the most irresistible.

He didn’t know how much courage it took for me to dress like this.

Today was my birthday, but as usual, he forgot. He worked overtime and didn’t come home until 11 p.m.

I’ve gotten used to him never spending holidays, anniversaries, or even my birthday with me.

But today is my birthday. My wish is very simple, yet incredibly strong: to be intimate with him.

It’s been more than a month since the last time. I really, really want it. Every night, the longing claws at me.

I’ve tried to persuade him-dropping hints, making it obvious, even plucking up the courage to act cute… But every time, he shut me down with a simple, “I’m too tired. Tomorrow.”

And now, I’ve become the one who “only ever thinks about this.”

My heart kept sinking, and then, with a bang, he slammed the door and went to sleep in the guest room.

I was left alone in the spacious double bed, tossing and turning.

Since I couldn’t sleep, I grabbed my phone and logged into my side account on Weibo, habitually checking Bai Xiaoxia’s profile.

Bai Xiaoxia-his white moonlight¹, the only person whose name makes me uneasy.

She is Tang Chao’s true love.

Back in college, their passionate and inseparable love story was the talk of the whole department, lasting all four years.

Her latest post on Weibo showed her enjoying a candlelit dinner at the city’s top western restaurant. The caption was poetic: “Do those who drift apart in the wind ever get another chance to hold hands?”

My heart skipped a beat. When did she come back?

The next second, my shock turned into a chilling numbness. I clicked on the picture and saw Tang Chao-even if it was just his hand slicing steak.

On that hand was the watch I had just given him last week.

Anger surged over me like a sudden, violent wave crashing onto the shore, flooding my mind.

He is my husband in the eyes of the law, recognized by the state itself. How could he spend my birthday evening with another woman?

How could he refuse to fulfill his duties as a husband?

I threw off the covers, got out of bed, and strode to the guest room, opening the door.

The lights were off. He was typing away on his phone, his fingers moving quickly.

The glow of the screen illuminated the unguarded, radiant smile at the corners of his lips.

Was he confiding in Bai Xiaoxia in the middle of the night?

When he saw me, the smile quickly disappeared, replaced by a cold question: “What is it?”

My heart, ready to demand answers, instantly fell, even extinguishing the desire that had burned in me, unsatisfied for so long.

Sadness and helplessness washed over me.

“Where did you go tonight?” I heard my own voice, dry and hoarse.

This time, I didn’t try to pretend everything was fine. I chose to confront him head-on.

The silence made the darkness even harder to bear, but I stubbornly stood there, waiting for an answer.

“Bai Xiaoxia came back.” After a long time, his low voice finally sounded. “I had dinner with her. You know, she doesn’t know anyone here except me…”

Bitterness slowly spread from my heart to my chest. I asked softly, “Do you know what day it is today?”

He was silent.

In the darkness, I let out a self-mocking laugh, letting him-and myself-off the hook: “My birthday.”

With that, I turned and walked away quietly.

Tang Chao, I’m so tired.

This time, I suddenly don’t want my emotions to be swayed by your indifference anymore. I don’t want to keep guessing what you’re thinking, anxious and uncertain.

Maybe it’s time to give you back your freedom.

She’s returned. I can only lose without even fighting.

It’s not that I’m weak or unworthy. It’s just that, all these years, the signals you’ve sent me have always been clear.

Footnote:

1. White Moonlight(白月光): “White Moonlight” (白月光) is a Chinese term that refers to someone who holds a special, idealized place in your heart, often representing a love or memory that is beautiful yet unattainable.