Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I found it hard to believe that at fourteen, I had been capable of anything so impressive.

At fourteen, my greatest talent had been stealing my legitimate elder sister’s horse to go buy sugar figurines in town, then getting punished by Father to kneel in the ancestral hall.

Account books. Secret meetings. Xiling Envoy.

Those words sounded very far removed from me.

But when Pei Yanzhi placed an old pouch in front of me, I suddenly lost the ability to speak.

The pouch was lotus-pink, and the stitching was hideous.

In the lower left corner was an embroidered mandarin duck that looked more like a duck.

I had embroidered it.

Back then, to make my birth mother happy, I had spent a full three months learning needlework. In the end, I produced this thing and was laughed at by my legitimate elder sister for half a year.

Inside the pouch was half a page from an account book.

The paper had already yellowed. There were water stains on it, and marks of blood.

Pei Yanzhi said, “After North Mountain, I found this half page of the account book. I also found Bitao’s body.”

I asked quietly, “Then why did you say I was the one who died?”

“Because the body the Shen Family reported was Shen Zhaoning.”

I lifted my eyes.

“They knew Bitao died in my place, but identified her as me?”

Pei Yanzhi said nothing.

He didn’t have to. I understood.

Back then, the Shen Family had been afraid of getting entangled with the Crown Prince and the Empress’s Maternal Clan, so they simply buried Bitao’s body as mine.

And after I woke from my high fever, they told me nothing had happened.

No wonder my legitimate mother had feared me even more after that.

She wasn’t afraid that my fate was too hard.

She was afraid a dead person would crawl out of her grave.

All at once, I thought of the memorial tablet in the study.

“So you kept vigil as my widower to make those people believe I was truly dead?”

Pei Yanzhi looked at that half page of the account book.

“At first, yes.”

Something stirred lightly in my heart, but I quickly pressed it back down.

“And later?”

Pei Yanzhi raised his eyes.

He really was remarkably good-looking.

Not the gentle, refined sort of good-looking. His was a sharp kind of beauty, cold enough to make people afraid to draw near, yet impossible not to look at again.

“Later, I discovered that the Shen Family’s Third Miss was still alive.”

“When did you discover that?”

“A year ago.”

“Then why didn’t you come find me?”

He answered very quickly. “It would have gotten you killed.”

I gave a cold laugh. “And the imperial marriage decree now won’t get me killed?”

Pei Yanzhi fell silent.

I looked at him, and suddenly understood.

“This marriage wasn’t some whim of His Majesty’s.”

He did not deny it.

“You asked for it?”

Pei Yanzhi said, “I asked for it.”

I stood up.

“Pei Yanzhi, you used me as part of your scheme?”

He rose as well, blocking my way.

“I used myself as part of the scheme.”

“How did you ask?”

“I submitted a memorial, and I also submitted what His Majesty wanted.” His voice lowered. “They wanted you to die a second time. I couldn’t leave you alone in the Shen Family again.”

Those words pinned me in place.

Again.

That single word was far too ambiguous.

Ambiguous in a way that made it sound as if he had regretted it alone for a very long time.

I turned my head aside, avoiding his gaze.

“Lord Pei, don’t make it sound so pretty. If you truly cared about me that much, you wouldn’t have let me see my own memorial tablet the moment I entered your home.”

Pei Yanzhi’s fingers curled slightly.

He said, “I thought that if you saw it, you would be afraid.”

“And then?”

“If you were afraid, you would keep your distance from me.”

I was so angry I almost laughed.

“You let me see my own memorial tablet on our wedding night just so I would keep my distance from you?”

With his eyes lowered, he actually nodded in earnest.

For a moment, I didn’t know whether to call him insane or stupid.