A Thousand-Year-Old Snake Spirit Walks into a Trap - Chapter 5

I fled back to the mountain.

The old tree spirit sneered. “You’ve only been gone a few days, and look at the state of you. Useless, just as I said!”

I wrapped my arms around his thick trunk and began to howl.

“You said human hearts were treacherous! You never said spirits were scheming too!”

“You old fossil! You told me not to hurt people, but all that happened down there was people pinning me down and beating me!”

The tree spirit turned into a scrawny old man, pushed me away, and sat cross-legged on a large rock. He glared at me.

“Tell me, then. What did you do down there?”

I lowered my head and hesitated.

“A dragon slept with me.”

“What?” He shot to his feet. “I’ve lived twenty thousand years and spent half my life wandering the mortal world without meeting a single dragon. You go down once and find one?”

“More than one.” I held up three fingers. “A whole family. Three dragons.”

“What did they do to you?”

“Well… they gave me food, clothes, somewhere to stay… and then slept with me.”

“All three of them?”

I waved my hands frantically. “No, no! Just their son!”

The old tree spirit sat down again. “Dragons do tend to be rather direct in their courtship. Still, you haven’t lost out. Mating with him helps your cultivation too. Just don’t offend them.”

Thinking about it, he was right. After mating with Liu Yang, I had felt my power grow a little stronger.

“It was still frightening. That’s why I came back.”

He glared at me. “Weak! Cowardly! You’ll never amount to anything!”

I bared my fangs. “If you can’t say anything nice, shut up, you old fossil!”

“Little Snake, you’re back?”

A beautiful golden-furred fox leaped onto me, and I finally remembered my actual business.

“Right. I came back to ask you to come down the mountain and help me.”

I told her the cat spirit’s story.

The little fox’s eyes lit up.

“Yes, yes! I love helping people! When do we leave?”

I cleared my throat. “I’ll take you to the cat spirit. I have something to do elsewhere, so I won’t be joining you.”

The old tree spirit glared again.

“Coward!”

…

After taking the fox to the forest where the cat spirit was recovering, I moved somewhere two towns away.

Thanks to my magic, I found a junior constable’s position at the magistrate’s office.

Every day I helped catch criminals or dealt with the petty thefts and other minor troubles of ordinary people.

Soon I became the head constable’s right-hand man, with a promotion in sight.

Then one day I was put in charge of a team hunting a serial killer.

We tracked the culprit into a small wood. Only when we came face-to-face did I realize we were dealing with a spirit.

I was trying to find a way to send the others off and confront it alone when a monk appeared out of nowhere. He fought fiercely with the killer and subdued the flower spirit on the spot.

I thought that would be the end of it.

Then the bald ass turned to me and roared, “Evil creature! Reveal your true form at once!”

Everyone beside me scattered and raised their blades at me.

I put up my hands. “A misunderstanding! We’ve worked together all this time. If I were a spirit who meant you harm, I’d have hurt you long ago!”

My colleagues had just begun to lower their weapons when the bald ass stepped forward.

“Don’t try to deceive me. You are a spirit!”

He attacked, and I had to use magic to flee.

As he chased me, I shouted in despair, “Will you listen to reason? I haven’t hurt anyone! I just came down the mountain to gain experience. What have I done to offend you?”

He wouldn’t listen.

“A spirit is a spirit! If you haven’t harmed anyone yet, you will eventually. We won’t let your kind run wild among humans!”

Furious, I stopped running and turned to face him.

The monk looked young. His cultivation was fairly strong, but he was still no match for me.

I knocked him down in a few moves and held my blade to his neck.

“Call your master. I want to see who taught a child to be this unreasonable!”

“I’ve traveled far and wide, and I’ve always minded my own business around you Buddhists and Daoists. Then I run into a stubborn ass like you, and you cost me my livelihood! Pay me back!”

The young monk remained defiant. “I’ll have my master kill you!”

“For a monk, you certainly like talking about killing. Perhaps you should give it up and become a butcher.”

His face flushed with anger.

Then he crushed something in his hand. Soon an old monk appeared before me.

Holding one hand before his chest, he said, “Amitabha. Why are you treating my disciple this way? I must ask for an explanation.”

I put away my blade. “Ask that fine disciple of yours. I’ve lived a thousand years without killing anyone. I finally found myself a job among humans, and he ruined it with a single sentence!”

The young monk scurried to his master’s side and pointed at me.

“Master, he’s a spirit! Subdue him!”

The old monk smacked him on the head.

“You can’t tell right from wrong. This gentleman is a spirit, yes, but a good one who is cultivating. Look closely. He has an affinity with the immortals. You acted rashly. Go back and accept your punishment.”

The young monk lowered his head. “Yes, Master.”

The old monk turned to me again. “My disciple was indeed at fault. What can I do to compensate you?”

I held out my hand.

“Pay me!”

The monks had no money, and I could no longer stay in that town. So I had no choice but to go back to their temple with them and move into a guest room.