Waterbound Love - Chapter 69

Du Bai and Shen Yan sat leaning against each other by the edge of the pool, their feet on the smooth, rounded pebbles. Du Bai, feeling a bit bored, occasionally stirred the shallow water, creating ripples that soon settled back into calmness.

“Tired?” Du Bai murmured to Shen Yan. Shen Yan shook her head gently without looking away, remembering that Du Bai wouldn’t see her from behind. “Let me sing you a song,” she said, fearing there might not be another opportunity.

“Okay.” Du Bai tilted her head back, resting it on Shen Yan’s shoulder.

You are my most bittersweet waiting

Making me happy yet fearful of the future

You love to say you’re a speck of dust

That occasionally mischievously drifts into my eyes

You’d rather see me cry than let me love you

And just like dust, you disappear in the wind

Rarely do you come to see me, only to leave again

Letting the sand slip through your fingers like tears

You are my most painful decision

Why do you never give up wandering

The sea is something you can’t bear to part with

You always bring back pockets full of sand for me

Rarely do you come to see me, only to leave again

Letting the sand slip through your fingers like tears

The wind-blown sand falls in my sorrowful eyes

Anyone can see I’m waiting for you

The wind-blown sand accumulates in my heart

Leaving marks no one can erase

The wind-blown sand moves through all my memories

Everyone knows I’m thinking of you

The wind-blown sand cries in silence

Was separation already foretold long ago

You are my most bittersweet waiting

Making me happy yet fearful of the future

You love to say you’re a speck of dust

That occasionally mischievously drifts into my eyes

You’d rather see me cry than let me love you

And just like dust, you disappear in the wind

The wind-blown sand falls in my sorrowful eyes

Anyone can see I’m waiting for you

The wind-blown sand accumulates in my heart

Leaving marks no one can erase

The wind-blown sand moves through all my memories

Everyone knows I’m thinking of you

The wind-blown sand cries in silence

Was separation already foretold long ago

With her head tilted back and eyes closed, tears flowed from the corners of her eyes. The emotions conveyed in the song were intense and long-lasting, like the scent of lilac, leaving nowhere to hide.

Things we can face, and those we cannot; the hopes of the past, and the demise of the future. It was all sung out. It wouldn’t let one continue hiding in their own cage pretending nothing would happen.

The candlelight illuminated the trails left by tears, sparkling like the Milky Way at the horizon.

It was a distance measured in light-years, a barrier built by life and death. How can one cross it, and is it even possible to do so?

The flickering shadows of the candle swayed with the gentle airflow, like dancing sprites, inadvertently scattering sorrow throughout the room.

My dear Du Bai,

Thank you for giving me the most beautiful time of my life, showing me that life can end so perfectly, even if it’s all a facade.

I overheard your conversation with Qin Qin in the hospital that day. Maybe you don’t realize that I understand you better than you know. If you don’t love, then everything must be sacrificed. The kindness I received from you only returned deep gratitude. Truly, you don’t need to do anything for me in return. Everything I’ve done for you has been willingly, without expecting reciprocation. Your actions only make me feel profound sadness.

My struggles are so weak in front of you, breaking at a single blow. Thank you for your unwavering persistence, which has brought me such overflowing happiness now. What seems like a gentle, simple life to you has long stirred immense waves in my heart.

Even knowing this, I am still lost in the mist of happiness, unable to extricate myself. I dare not question the reality, having hoped for so long. I seem to have deceived myself, believing in the quiet happiness you arranged for me, without any doubt.

Allow me a little selfishness. I tell myself not to be greedy, that just a little time is enough. When the time comes, I will leave without attachment. But I still can’t let go so easily. At the moment in the chapel, I even felt grateful for this identity I once hated.

I have pleaded countless times with God, asking for a little more time. But in the end, I always wish for His blessings on you, fearing my greed will anger Him and take everything away from me. So let me walk towards death with normal steps in this happiness.

My entire life has been fought for Shen Yan, not daring to ask for anything between black and white. Thank you for giving the buried Shen Ai a colorful night.

One night revived a lifetime.

Forgive me for leaving alone. I don’t want to wither away in front of you. Don’t cry for me; I am quietly searching for the continuation of reality, filled with so much happiness collected from you. This departure makes everything feel so real, like the day I held on tightly.

Perhaps one day, I will be walking home, open the door, and you’ll be lying on a rocking chair, opening your eyes and smiling, saying, “You’re back.”

Then, would you love me once more?

Tears fell onto the paper as Du Bai bit her lip tightly, closing her eyes. The wrinkles of her peach blossom-shaped eyelids lost their usual charm, now drawing a picture of sorrow. Her grip on the letter was so tight that the veins on her hand stood out. Why does it always come to this? Where did we go wrong?

Your understanding of me is so certain, making you confident that I will never love you again.

My hurt towards you is so profound that it stripped you of the confidence to be loved.

You lost in loving me too deeply, unable to abandon or question it, hesitating to move forward.

I lost because of the briefness of your life, which didn’t give me enough time to dissolve your sorrow.

A sorrowful heart comforted by a sorrowful soul might be able to travel far, far away.

Du Bai seemed to have suddenly lost the ability to communicate with others, unable to hear external sounds or to express her own thoughts.

Her ears were filled only with silence, devoid of noise.

Her eyes saw no colors, only the coldness of closed curtains.

Everything was met with silence.

Many people came and went around her since that day, and she either stared at them blankly or let her eyes lose focus, slipping into her own world. Only the paintbrush felt particularly familiar, bringing a sense of peace. As she painted, she would fall into a black world she longed for, becoming completely unaware.

Her paintings always depicted two girls holding hands tightly against a blood-red backdrop, with deep love tinged with overwhelming sorrow.

Du Bai couldn’t actually perceive colors; she just felt that the blood-red was the most glaring, guiding her way home.

Wen Qiuyan watched Du Bai silently, tears brimming in her eyes. She knew Du Bai’s current state was just a natural outburst. This child was even more sorrowful than her husband. Since her last retreat into isolation and attempted suicide, she has given herself many warnings she didn’t want to face. The shadow of sorrow has been an unshakeable nightmare, continuing even now.

Wen Qiuyan had read Shen Yan’s letter to Du Bai, and she was moved to tears. Both children were tormenting each other. Shen Yan probably wanted Ruoruo to live on, believing that as long as one lives, there’s hope. But what she didn’t know was that Ruoruo never had any hope. What she truly had was living in the fantasy of waiting for her.

As we know, in Ruoruo’s world, if something isn’t seen, it hasn’t happened. It remains unrevealed, waiting year after year in despair.