The Fleeting Youth of Those Years

“Damn, who said I don’t have dreams? My dream is to be with you. You’re my dream.” These were my thoughts, but what came out of my mouth was something so cheesy even I felt nauseated saying it. “Yeah, you’re right. We really should be setting goals for ourselves now, or else we’ll lose our way too easily. So, what’s your dream university? Is it Shandong University?”

“No, I want to go to Qingdao,” Wen Youhan said, turning around and lowering her head to stare at her toes. Her voice was so soft that if you weren’t paying close attention, you’d completely miss what she said. But I was always willing to listen to her, no matter how quiet her voice was. I could always catch her words. If I studied as attentively as I listened to Wen Youhan, would my grades be much better? Probably, but that thought seemed as useless as many other questions I’d asked myself-completely impractical.

“Qingdao’s a nice place, but I’ve heard the people there aren’t very friendly. Jinan, on the other hand, seems great-people are really warm and welcoming there. Plus, it’s the capital of the province, so there should be more job opportunities after graduating, right?” I scratched my head, recalling what my sister had said about the perks of Jinan, and tried to piece together a convincing argument to persuade Wen Youhan to study in Jinan instead.

I always liked taking a different stance from those around me, engaging in debates just for the sake of it. Maybe I craved being the center of attention, to have people notice me. But I never thought of this side of me as a flaw. In today’s world, it seems like quiet people are destined to be forgotten by history.

Wen Youhan fell silent, and I stood awkwardly behind her, at a loss for words. “The exams are in a few days. Are you ready?” I asked softly. Sitting in an awkward silence was unbearable, so I clumsily brought up a random topic.

“This exam?” Wen Youhan glanced back at me for a second before turning away again. “This one really isn’t that important. There’s no need to stress over it. It’s more effective to just stick to your own study plans.”

“But this exam will determine the seating arrangement! The top scorer gets first pick for their seat,” I said, surprised by her indifference to such a big deal. She really wasn’t the naive little girl she’d been at the beginning of our first year of high school. She had matured a lot.

Wang Bo appeared out of nowhere, entering the playground through the gate near the cafeteria, drawing closer with each step. My heart started racing, as though I had just been caught in the act of something illicit. He was holding a hawthorn-flavored popsicle, from which red liquid occasionally dripped onto the ground, but he hadn’t taken even a single bite. As he walked past us, he didn’t say anything or spare us a glance. For a moment, I even wondered if he had noticed us at all. His figure disappeared into the distance, leaving behind the faint sour-sweet scent of the dripping popsicle in the air.

Wen Youhan lowered her head, a faint blush creeping up her cheeks. Slowly, she turned her gaze back toward me. “How are things between you and that senior sister?” she asked.

“What do you mean by that? There’s nothing between us-I’ve never even spoken a word to her. That whole thing was just a joke,” I replied, turning to watch Wang Bo’s retreating figure. After a brief pause, I added, “Wang Bo is actually really nice to you.”

“Mm, but still not as nice as you are,” Wen Youhan murmured, her voice barely audible. As she spoke, she purposely turned her back to me, as if trying to avoid my gaze. Maybe she lacked the courage to meet my eyes.

Those simple words, however, sent my heart into a frenzy. My emotions surged like tidal waves, an overwhelming flood of happiness that swept over me. It happened so quickly and so intensely that I didn’t know how to process it. The sheer joy was almost too much to bear.

“By the way, if you could pick your seat, where would you choose?” I asked as I walked backward in front of her, facing her as I spoke. The blush on her face had yet to fade, and the rosy hue on her otherwise pale complexion etched itself into my memory like a line of poetry-one I kept reciting and cherishing in my thoughts, over and over again.

“Anywhere is fine. Sitting in the back wouldn’t be so bad. What about you-how would you feel sitting in the back?” she suddenly asked, throwing me a question that caught me off guard.

“What’s so good about the back? It’s full of slackers. Mo Shunlu spends all his time trying to make his girlfriend laugh. Lin Dashun and the guys around him just read novels and nap all day. There’s no way a setting like that can live up to the idea of ‘adversity breeds success, while comfort brings downfall,'” I said with a cheeky grin, gazing at Wen Youhan through the round glasses perched on her nose.

“Well, I think it’s more about self-discipline. Would you stop studying just because you’re in the back?” Wen Youhan asked, her tone suddenly adopting a probing, half-parental quality that reminded me of my mom. She seemed to blend subtle challenges with hints of encouragement in her words.

“Of course I’d study! Do you think I’d let myself fall to the bottom of the class rankings?” I shot back defensively.

“Then…” She trailed off midsentence, simply raising her head to look into my eyes, as if she found my logic questionable. Perhaps she felt too embarrassed to outright voice anything that might hurt my pride.

“I’m just hiding my true potential-can’t you tell? Just wait. During the National College Entrance Examination, I’m going to amaze everyone,” I teased, gently patting her on the head. Her hair was so soft, like milk-soaked bread, exuding a comforting warmth. It felt empowering-love’s kind of power. I clenched my fist, trying to grasp and hold on to this fleeting emotion.