Sunshine Filled with Thoughts

Thus, Qing entered An Jinmo’s life as a nanny and caregiver for Yanyan.

Over the years, she watched as An Jinmo became increasingly silent. Sometimes he would leave for the whole day, only to return and stay in his room without going out. He wouldn’t even come out for meals.

His study was always off-limits to everyone else-except for Yanyan.

Sometimes she would sit with Yanyan in the study for an entire day. By the time they came out, Yanyan would either be asleep or in tears.

Qing tried to make Yanyan love her as if she were her mother. Perhaps one day, An Jinmo would marry her because of the child. Time passed. When spring came the following year, Qing, who was supposed to be studying, took a day off to school to handle her withdrawal procedures and dedicated herself to being Yanyan’s nanny at An Jinmo’s villa. Yet, even when she encouraged Yanyan to call her ‘Mommy’ during her attempts to teach her to speak, Yanyan remained silent. The first word Yanyan learned to say was ‘Daddy.’

When Yanyan suddenly called out that word, it took even the often silent and rarely smiling An Jinmo by surprise; he excitedly spun around with Yanyan in his arms in the living room. Anyone close enough could see the shimmering mist of tears welling up in his eyes.

As Yanyan began to grow up, she initially clung to Qing, often calling out her name after learning to speak. However, something was still missing-a feeling Qing could never grasp. A mother who has her own child knows that her bond with her child is not merely a continuation of life in this world, but a profound heartfelt connection that radiates from within. A non-biological child, in the end, lacks that blood bond.

Unbeknownst to Qing, An Jinmo was aware of everything about her. Although he hadn’t recognized her at first, he later investigated all the details about Qing. Putting together the events from over six months ago allowed everything to click into place. He wanted to compensate for the girl’s unfortunate background and experiences. Now was the perfect time. As Yanyan’s wet nurse, he would provide her with ample financial support. By the time she left, she wouldn’t be left without a foothold. Perhaps he could even gift her a house. In Beijing, possessing a home would attract many men eager to marry her.

All of this was arranged by An Jinmo before Qing left the An Family’s villa.

In reality, in this world, you may think you’ve covered all your tracks, but that’s simply impossible. Perhaps while you believe you’re doing quite well, others see nothing but flaws.

When Yanyan grew to two years old and could walk and recognize things, An Jinmo would consciously or unconsciously tell him that his mother was the person who loved him the most in the world. He would point to the sweet, innocent smile of the woman in the photograph and say, “That’s Mommy.” But all this teaching happened only in the absence of others.

So, the new maids in the house and Qing never realized that the female head of the household lived in a villa on the other side of the city. They also didn’t know that An Jinmo had never given up hope for Linlin. Even in this world, even if it were the apocalypse, his most beloved person would always be that woman.

No one outside knew about Linlin’s amnesia. Over the years, An Jinmo had used his wife’s reluctance to attend social gatherings as an excuse to keep Linlin’s existence hidden from outsiders. Thus, when Linlin appeared in An Jinmo’s life, it only surprised the household staff a little; no one else was affected in the slightest.

So when Qing returned after handling matters back home and saw the amnesiac Linlin, the woman An Jinmo had always deeply loved, she felt dizzy. All these years, she had never thought that Linlin would be An Jinmo’s wife. It was actually quite easy to guess; An Jinmo had been so gentle with Linlin at that time, treating her like his most precious treasure. A man like that wouldn’t easily let go of someone he cared for, making Qing feel like a fool for everything she had done over the years.

Previously, An Jinmo hadn’t told Linlin that Qing was her university classmate and her best friend from the same dorm. He was assessing whether this girl in front of him was smart enough, whether she understood when to step back at the most critical moment, as if she were born to strategize in the business world. His ability to read hearts was remarkably accurate, and aside from Linlin, who else could he not understand?

Qing performed well; she approached Linlin and introduced herself as Yanyan’s nanny. Although her tone sounded gentle and sincere, the sorrow within was something only Qing could comprehend. For years, she had truly been deluding herself.

The moment Qing shook Linlin’s hand, she made up her mind to take the money An Jinmo had given her and leave their circle for good. This world was truly not one she could reach; continuing on like this would only lead her to a complete downfall.

Before leaving, Qing didn’t say anything to An Jinmo. When she discovered a substantial check on her pillow in her room, she knew it was time to go. After leaving a resignation letter, she took her few belongings and permanently left the stunningly luxurious villa.

The past two years felt like a strange dream-one that shattered Qing’s illusions about the world. She wasn’t sure if she left with any lingering love for An Jinmo. Those feelings-humble, looked down upon, and unappreciated-she was taking all of them with her.

She vowed never to return.

Children are the easiest to forget, and when Qing had just left, Yanyan had cried uncontrollably, leaving Linlin utterly at a loss for a long time. However, as time passed, new experiences soon shifted his focus elsewhere, and he grew stronger and more mature with the years, much like his father. From a young age, he displayed extraordinary talent and genius; it seemed God favored such children.

Many years later, when An Jinmo casually brought up Qing, he asked An Yan, “Do you remember the Qing who took care of you when you were little?”

“I don’t remember…” An Yan replied, his gaze fixed on a pile of project proposals at his desk, saying no more. That was the only time he mentioned her in the eleven years since Qing had left, and it would turn out to be the last time.

As An Jinmo continued to glance at an old photo album, he unexpectedly found the image of the girl who seemed so carefree and unassuming in his memory. For a fleeting moment, a pang of guilt struck him, though it wasn’t deeply felt.

What he didn’t notice was that An Yan had not really read a single word in the document before him for quite some time. His gaze was fixed on the air, and his mind slipped back to a time when he was very young, recalling those vague memories.

Sometimes you realize that some people and events have long passed. Just when you think you’ve forgotten everything, certain images can suddenly emerge, pulling all your thoughts back into the past. Although the feelings inside you may not be overwhelming, those faint regrets linger like wisps of smoke in your mind-never to fully dissipate.