Sunshine Filled with Thoughts

The moment Na Xuan’s hand slipped away, Linlin felt something suddenly shatter in her heart. But what was wrong? She, too, was quite particular about her feelings. If she knew that Na Xuan had slept with that woman and had a child, she wouldn’t be able to accept it either. Moreover, throughout history, the moral constraints placed on men by women have always been quite heavy.

Linlin took a step back, as if trying to avoid contaminating the man before her. In a quiet voice, she said, “I’ve decided to marry that person. So let’s break up; let’s not meet again. Na Xuan, I’m really not a good girl. I wasn’t seven years ago, and I’m not now. I’ve always been a selfish person. Just forget about me as if I were a nobody.”

After she finished speaking, Linlin turned and ran away quickly. She entered her home without waiting to see if there was any movement behind her.

Outside, Na Xuan didn’t know how long he had been standing there. He felt his legs grow numb and slowly, almost mechanically, got into his car. He just sat there without turning the engine on, remaining still for an entire day. Suddenly, his ears were filled with a cacophony of sounds, with Linlin’s voice being the most prominent. That girl was teasing him, laughing beside him, leaning against him, and asking for a couple of coins to buy trinkets from the street vendors.

Those vivid memories crumbled in front of him. Could it really be that he couldn’t be with Linlin anymore? Just because she encountered such a situation? And even if it were his dear sister facing it, it was still her misfortune. Why had he not offered her a word of comfort but instead had been so hurtful? It was infuriating.

He called her, but it was still off. Na Xuan’s heart sank. It felt as if he had completely lost Linlin when he had let go. This reality was something he didn’t want to face at all.

Frustrated, he banged his head against the steering wheel. His heart was in agony.

Back in her room, Linlin ignored her parents and went straight to her space, which still looked the same as it had during her birthday party. The only difference was a pile of unopened gifts in the corner. She felt no enthusiasm for them. She wanted to sleep but couldn’t; she wanted to think about her future but just thinking about it made her feel worse.

At this moment, every decision she made would impact her life and family moving forward.

Marrying the man who had assaulted her. How could she bear it? But what if she did not marry him? Would her child have to grow up without a father? Just thinking about it made her feel like an irresponsible person.

Linlin was surprised that she was even considering who her child’s father might be. Was she unconsciously preparing to give birth to him? She absentmindedly touched her stomach, which felt so small, with hardly any sensation at all, except for a little hunger and a bit more sleepiness than usual. There was no special feeling. Yet, a life was actually present within her. What would he be like when he was born?

The complex emotions began to surge within the heart of this young mother. Women are naturally maternal beings; they seldom want to easily give up their children. Moreover, she had compelling reasons not to abandon this child.

Linlin deliberately forgot about Na Xuan after returning home and went out very little. Even when she did leave the house, it was only in her parents’ car. She was slowly thinking of ways to distance herself from Na Xuan and An Jinmo, allowing her life to proceed at its own pace. She was waiting for the moment her heart felt calm enough to give An Jinmo an answer; right now, she found herself too unsettled.

Uncertain of how much time had passed, An Jinmo had been waiting for a long while. At least, it felt that way to him. He still hadn’t received a response from Linlin, but he was glad she was back home. He wondered if she had told her parents about the situation between them. An Jinmo thought, surely not; with her personality, she wouldn’t disclose that.

An Jinmo had never imagined that one day he would welcome Linlin into his office. But instead of coming as his girlfriend or wife, she was there as a salesperson from a subsidiary. During this time, Linlin hadn’t attended school and had been working at her father’s company doing simple tasks. Coincidentally, there was a business report that needed to go to the headquarters, and An Jinmo happened to be the general manager and acting chairman of the company. Linlin already knew this but initially thought to decline. However, seeing the expectation in her father’s eyes, she realized that in her father’s eyes, perhaps she and An Jinmo were in a relationship. She didn’t offer an explanation and simply took the documents and left. Little did she know that her father’s company was on the tenth floor of this building, while An Jinmo’s other companies occupied the remaining seventy floors. An Jinmo stood on the top floor, looking down at the vast metropolis, with all those lower levels beneath his feet.

Linlin’s heart had calmed significantly; she even found that when she thought of An Jinmo now, she no longer wanted to eliminate him so drastically. If she saw him today, would she be able to face him calmly?

Before coming, she had made an appointment with An Jinmo’s assistant, so when the elevator reached the top floor, she saw An Jinmo standing at his desk with his back to her. It turned out that this elevator was his private express lift. Capitalist hypocrite.

While cursing secretly in her heart, Linlin walked over. She wore low-heeled shoes, and the rhythmic sound of her heels clicking against the smooth wood floor echoed in the air.

“Mr. An, this is the business report for Seafang International. There’s also a significant document that needs your signature,” Linlin said, her voice completely formal. She had intended to approach the situation with a professional attitude, but the moment she heard her own voice, she couldn’t help but feel the urge to be closer to him.

An Jinmo didn’t respond; he kept his posture, and time seemed to stagnate in that space. Even the dust particles floating in the air appeared to forget to move amidst the silence between them.

It wasn’t until An Jinmo’s assistant entered, carrying a cup of coffee and a glass of milk, that the strange atmosphere was broken. An Jinmo picked up the coffee and drank it down in one go, seemingly trying to conceal something. The assistant approached and handed the milk to Linlin with a polite smile.

Linlin’s gaze was somewhat dazed. It was only when she saw the milk that she snapped back to reality. After thanking the assistant, she placed the milk on the small table beside her. Gathering her thoughts, she looked up at An Jinmo and said, “If Mr. An has other matters to attend to, please sign the documents, and I can come back to collect them…”

“I’ll sign them now; just leave the report with me,” An Jinmo replied. He turned around; the once-commanding Mr. An and head of the An Family was no longer as flustered as before. At the very least, he felt more at peace inside.

He glanced at Linlin’s face, which he hadn’t seen for nearly half a month. She looked much better now, her makeup subtle. Perhaps due to her pregnancy, her complexion was better, and there was a gentle maturity in her eyes that drew one in deeply without reservation. She wore a black blazer that accentuated her already perfect figure, but when he noticed her short high-heeled shoes, a sense of unease stirred within him. She was pregnant now; she shouldn’t be wearing heels.

It was uncertain whether An Jinmo was affected by Linlin’s pregnancy, but in the nights following the news, he found himself wandering bookstores, purchasing an array of books about pregnancy. When the bookstore owner approached him to recommend some good titles, he asked, “Is your wife expecting?”

“Um…” An Jinmo felt a warmth in his heart at those words that he couldn’t quite articulate. If only it were true, he mused, how wonderful it would be to have taken Linlin to buy those books, eagerly awaiting the growth of their child together.

Such bliss was hard to imagine, and he lost himself in thought, his gaze on Linlin becoming increasingly unfocused as he daydreamed. Linlin instinctively averted her eyes, unwilling to meet his gaze.

The assistant, sensing the unspoken tension between them, discreetly made himself scarce. After he left, the two fell back into silence once more.

Finally, An Jinmo sighed internally, took the documents from Linlin’s hand without even looking at them, signed, and then handed them back to her. He picked up the report and set it on the desk.

“Take care of yourself and head home early. Whenever you’re ready, come find me. I’ll be waiting for you…” An Jinmo’s tone was gentle, laced with a hint of a plea that Linlin couldn’t quite perceive.

“Okay, I understand.”

Now, having come this far, no matter how resolutely she had spoken before, what could she do now? When Linlin was younger, she liked to play house and dreamed of having a warm child. Now that her wish was about to come true, it didn’t align with her imagination, which made it hard for her to let go of the child. The more she wished to hold on, the more guilt she felt-the guilt toward Na Xuan would never fade away. She had thought about ending it all, but there were still her parents and so many others she couldn’t bear to leave behind. Even though An Jinmo was despicable and had humiliated her, in her moment of despair, she felt she had no choice but to marry him.

For days, Linlin had struggled within herself. Countless times, she imagined running away to a place where no one would find her, letting the years pass, letting her looks fade, living a simple life in a small corner with her child.

One needed courage for such daring acts, and Linlin didn’t possess that kind of bravery. Even if she could bring herself to do it, An Jinmo would never let her go unscathed.

Didn’t men often have a crazy obsession with things they couldn’t attain? If she left, would he not unleash his fury on her parents?

After grappling with these turbulent thoughts for a long time, Linlin concluded that perhaps marrying him was the best outcome. The child had already taken root within her. Sometimes, when she touched her belly, she felt the profound connection between mother and child. Giving him a complete home was the only thing she could truly offer. As for Na Xuan, ever since she woke up to find An Jinmo beside her, there had been no chance left for them.

Linlin’s heart felt sharply pained, as if the nails that had once secured her were suddenly pulled out, leaving behind a raw, bleeding hurt that left her in despair and agony.