Sunshine Filled with Thoughts - Chapter 34 - Memories Like Ashes 9

ooking quite well-fed and a little plump.

Linlin’s mother spoke first.

“I don’t understand, why have you been staying away from home since going out with Young Master Jin? Hiding out at Momo’s? I called Young Master Jin, and he said he didn’t know where you were! You even took a leave of absence from school. We know your studies are excellent, but how can you just take a break like this without telling us…”

Though Linlin’s mother was somewhat resentful, her tone was relatively mild. Perhaps it was because An Jinmo had been polite during their phone call, and he was the one who had arranged her leave of absence. There might be something romantic brewing between them, and perhaps they would soon have good news to share.

As Linlin’s mother thought this, a hint of joy flickered in her eyes.

However, the moment Linlin heard An Jinmo’s name, she felt her blood run cold, her thoughts coming to a screeching halt. Seeing Linlin’s reaction, Momo felt uneasy and quickly stepped in to clarify.

“Um, it’s like this, Auntie! Linlin and I made a promise when we were younger to climb Mount Kilimanjaro together, but we kept getting busy and never managed to go. So, I’ve been planning for us to prepare for that trip, and we’ve been doing some basic workouts at a gym, which is why we didn’t get your permission first…”

Linlin’s mother had never opposed the idea of Linlin spending time with Momo; in fact, she encouraged Linlin to learn from her and get some exercise. So, while Momo’s excuse caused Linlin’s mother to furrow her brows, it was still somewhat acceptable.

One day, Linlin’s father, who had been wearing a stern expression, looked at his daughter with concern and asked, “What’s wrong? You don’t look well.”

Though his tone was a bit harsh, it was clear he cared. For Linlin, the last people she wanted to see right now were her parents and Na Xuan, yet here they were. She looked up at them, seeing the deep concern in their eyes. It was something she could never understand-how could parents push their daughter into a pit of fire? How could they watch their precious daughter be taken advantage of by someone she didn’t like? Could there really be parents like that? Linlin’s gaze was filled with resentment and questions, making both of them feel awkward and at a loss.

Finally, Linlin lowered her head and said, “I’m going to Mount Kilimanjaro soon, so I won’t be going to school for a while. I’ll be back in some time, so don’t worry, Mom and Dad.”

She tried to make her voice sound more reassuring rather than desperate. Upon hearing this, Linlin’s parents stood up with a look of relief on their faces, but before they could say anything, Linlin slipped on her slippers and dashed upstairs.

Momo felt uneasy and quickly walked over, smiling at Linlin’s parents as she said, “Linlin is fine here with me. Is there anything else you’re worried about, Uncle and Auntie? You should head back; it’s getting late. Zhaozhao isn’t here today, and the food I made isn’t great. Later, Linlin and I need to go to the club, but we’ll have time to catch up later…”

After sending off the two concerned parents, Momo let out a sigh of relief and ran back upstairs. She kicked the door open and shouted, “Zhou Linlin, why are you giving your parents attitude? Didn’t you see how worried they looked?”

Momo felt comfortable enough to shout like this because Linlin had been more stable emotionally in recent days and hadn’t spent half the day silent or dazed like before. She was back to joking around with Momo.

Linlin, who had already buried herself under her blanket, got up upon hearing the commotion and looked at Momo, saying, “Do you really think An Jinmo could have taken me away from my birthday party without my parents’ consent?”

Once those words left her lips, Momo was left speechless, her mouth hanging open in shock as she watched Linlin crawl back under her blanket. Defeated, Momo could only leave the room.

This incident had hurt Linlin deeply, in more ways than one.

One and a half months later, Linlin suddenly fainted in the bathroom. At first, her parents didn’t want to take her to the hospital, but after contacting An Jinmo to ask for a good family doctor, he insisted on taking her to the hospital instead.

Not long after they arrived at the hospital, the results came in.

Linlin was pregnant.

The news sent Momo into a shriek in the quiet hallway. An Jinmo, on the other hand, wore a complex smile that reflected a mix of emotions. Given his relationship with Linlin, it was clear she wouldn’t want this child. Yet, all he ever wanted was to marry her and raise this baby together.

Once Linlin regained consciousness, she was back in Momo’s villa. Momo knew that if Linlin found out she had been in the hospital, she would go into a panic, which would be harmful to both herself and the baby. In fact, the moment they left the hospital, the doctor had subtly expressed that if Linlin chose not to keep the baby, it would be very difficult to conceive again in the future. Linlin’s uterine wall was very thin-too thin to withstand a miscarriage.

When Linlin woke up, she felt tired and a little hungry. With great effort, she pushed herself to get up and went to the bathroom to wash up. Looking at her recently flushed and fair complexion, she felt a mix of curiosity and doubt. Why was her skin looking so good lately?

After finishing her wash, she headed downstairs, hoping to find something to eat. There, she saw Zhaozhao, Momo, and the last person she wanted to see-An Jinmo-sitting together.

Her steps faltered as she stared at An Jinmo, her demeanor frozen in place.

An Jinmo’s eyes were filled with a swirling complexity, which sparked an uneasy sensation in Linlin. It was as if she could sleep soundly but would be easily startled awake, craving food yet still never feeling satisfied.

An Jinmo stood up and walked toward Linlin, hoping to take her hand. But as he reached out, Linlin forcefully pulled her hand back and stepped away. This action hurt An Jinmo, yet he didn’t get angry; instead, he withdrew his hand and softened his tone, saying, “Let’s talk, Linlin. We really need to talk.”

Momo watched Linlin with encouraging eyes, but Linlin didn’t notice.

“No! Just stay out of my life… An Jinmo, I never want to see you again. Your presence is torture for me. It’s immense torture.”

Linlin always seemed to have a way with words that could pierce An Jinmo deeply. She exposed all his weaknesses before her and let him suffer at her hands, again and again.

Seeing that Linlin had no intention of talking to him, An Jinmo finally spoke with a strained voice, “You’re pregnant…”

Those four words pierced Linlin’s heart like four daggers. No matter how she tried to pull them out, they would only leave her bleeding.

Her pupils dilated in disbelief, and unexpectedly, Linlin let out a laugh-one filled with mockery and doubt against her pale face.

But deep down, a voice repeatedly sharpened her thoughts: she was pregnant, and it was An Jinmo’s baby. Did this mean that from now on, they would have an unbreakable connection? Almost without thinking, an idea suddenly popped into Linlin’s mind, and she shouted provocatively at An Jinmo.

“I’m gonna get an abortion!!”

“No!” Momo stood up and rushed to Linlin’s side, placing her hand gently on Linlin’s belly. Initially, Momo had her head lowered, but then she suddenly lifted it, tears welling in her eyes.

“If you don’t have this child, you might never become a mother…” Momo’s words pierced Linlin’s heart like a steel needle. Was this a choice she had forced upon herself-a decision that left her trapped, making her feel as if living was worse than dying?

Linlin involuntarily took a step back. It was already evening. The living room was spacious, illuminated by a beautiful crystal chandelier that sparkled with countless crystals, creating an almost surreal atmosphere. Linlin felt as if she were dreaming. Was any of this real? If she just fell asleep right now, would she wake up to that morning, being with Na Xuan, where their love was still flawless?

This time, Linlin didn’t let herself drift off to sleep. However, an unpleasant pallor crept over her face; at that moment, she felt completely at a loss.

She didn’t know how long she stood there, but suddenly she felt a wave of calm wash over her. Turning to An Jinmo, she said quietly, “Give me a few more days to think. Please don’t disturb me during this time…”

Linlin then went back to her room. Momo and An Jinmo exchanged glances, unsure of what Linlin was planning with her current state of mind.

The next morning, before Momo had even woken up, Linlin had already packed her things and left for home. All she left behind was a note on the coffee table. Upon returning, she didn’t expect to see Na Xuan waiting right outside as she stepped out of the taxi. He looked significantly changed in just a month and a half-his face more pale and haggard. When he saw Linlin, he became so emotional that tears filled his eyes.

He had no idea how many days he had been waiting in front of her house. Whenever he had time, he would come here but dared not approach too closely. He would park his car nearby, sometimes sitting inside and other times outside, but it seemed like she had disappeared from his life entirely.

His phone, QQ¹, and WeChat² had all gone silent; now, seeing her step out of the taxi filled him with a sense of longing, as if they had been worlds apart.

Na Xuan didn’t even realize that his eyes were brimming with tears at that moment. A man shedding tears for the woman he loves is the greatest expression of love. Men often refrain from showing their emotions, but it’s simply because they haven’t reached the point of heartbreak. Losing Linlin was the saddest thing that could happen to him.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Linlin, but he could sense that she was completely unresponsive. As he let go, he felt a pang in his heart at the sight of the girl he adored, her face devoid of any joy, her eyes appearing to harbor a deep emptiness, something he couldn’t understand at all. It felt like just a month and a half apart had turned into a century of distance.

“What’s wrong?” Na Xuan asked her, concern slowly filling his gaze.

“…” Linlin remained silent, her vacant eyes gazing at him, as if she were searching for something within his soul.

“If something’s wrong, we can face it together. Linlin, we love each other so much; why can’t you share what you’re feeling? You’ve always kept things to yourself. Why don’t you ever open up?” Na Xuan grasped Linlin’s arm, a hint of desperation in his voice as he felt his confidence in their relationship slipping away.

Linlin knew that today was not a good day to discuss this matter. But looking at Na Xuan’s unwavering affection for her suddenly made her realize that she no longer deserved him. She had initially wanted to bring this up at a more opportune time, but perhaps now was the best time to speak out, for the sake of everyone involved.

“I was raped. I’m pregnant…”

When a girl uses such words to describe her own suffering, only the person who loves her most can feel that heart-wrenching pain. In an instant, Na Xuan didn’t know how to react to the heartache that shot through him. Reflexively, he released the grip on Linlin’s arm and stared at her, stunned. Everything had truly changed.

Sometimes, it’s best not to hold onto hope, because one may know deep down that such hopes are merely fleeting wishes. Yet, one still chooses to cling to them, ultimately becoming the one who gets hurt. The pain inflicted at that moment can often be worse than the harm itself.

Footnote:

1. QQ(QQ):QQ is a popular Chinese instant messaging app similar to WhatsApp or Messenger.
2. WeChat(微信):WeChat is a popular Chinese multi-purpose messaging and social media app similar to WhatsApp or Messenger.