Please Dote on Me - Chapter 53 - I Am Not Loyal 3

“You loved me, and you’ve never loved anyone else.” Shichui’s words made him seem nothing like a star. How could he so unreasonably expect me to love him and only him for my entire life? To want me to belong to him completely and utterly? It was so childish. Besides, I didn’t think what I felt for Shichui was the kind of love that exists between a man and a woman.

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I didn’t even try to resist. Stunned, I accepted his kiss, and in that moment, I truly wished I loved him. Shichui’s face pressed against mine, and we both mistakenly thought the cool tears on each other’s cheeks were our own. I couldn’t stop trembling, couldn’t stop sobbing. Then I realized Shichui was crying too. We were like two kids playing a kissing game. My arms wrapped around his neck, and our foreheads leaned against each other. We looked at each other and, without saying a word, burst into laughter-genuine, happy laughter.

“Qi Yang. This is great, isn’t it? Like this, now, finally… finally, it’s great,” Shichui said, his words tumbling out in a jumble.

In the end, we went back to the guesthouse. Stubborn as Shichui was, he couldn’t out-stubborn me.

“Qi Yang, are you trying to starve me to death? Coming back at this hour-what were you even doing? Where the hell did you go?” Yang Jiexi, who had been increasingly irritable since his lip got swollen, barked at me.

“Kissing.”

After answering him, I pulled the blanket over my head, ready to sleep. I couldn’t even muster the energy to glance at the exaggerated expression I knew would be plastered on his face.

Yang Jiexi, meanwhile, was eating and making all sorts of dramatic noises. After he finished, he went back to his usual routine of applying a face mask. For him, it didn’t matter where he was-his rituals remained the same.

Under the blanket, I touched my lips.

Shichui had kissed me.

The warmth of his lips and the sweet taste lingering in his mouth stirred something inside me-a faint desire to stay. I truly wished I loved him.

But then I thought of Gu Yuzui again. I wished I could abandon the resolve I once had to love Gu Yuzui for a lifetime.

Gu Yuzui held me, worried about how thin I was. I thought he loved me.

The first time Gu Yuzui embraced me, I could hear the wild rhythm of his heartbeat. I thought he loved me.

When Gu Yuzui slept, he held me tightly, refusing to let go. If I moved even slightly away, he would pull me back, almost possessively, like a child clutching a kitten, and only then could he sleep soundly. I thought he loved me.

When Gu Yuzui kissed me, he took his time, as if savoring every moment. I thought he loved me. When we were together, I sometimes worried that the arm I rested on might go numb, so I’d reluctantly ask him to let go. But I loved lying on his back when he turned away, pressing myself against him as if I could melt into his body, not wanting to be apart for even a second. Because I thought he loved me.

When Shichui kissed me, for a fleeting moment, my heart swelled with emotion, brimming with happiness. I wished I loved him. I wished I could fall hopelessly, irreversibly in love with him. I didn’t want to reject his kiss. I wasn’t sure if I could, but I felt a pang of tenderness for this earnest, devoted Shichui. It hurt so much that I cried.

But now, I feel like I was wrong.

Shouldn’t every inch of me, from beginning to end, belong solely to Gu Yuzui?

I once told Gu Yuzui, “Every red apricot tree in the world might lean over the wall¹, but I never will.”

Even though he’s no longer a part of my life, I still feel that wavering in my love for him because of Shichui is a kind of betrayal.

My hair belongs to Gu Yuzui. My eyes, my brows-they’re his. My lips are his. From my neck to my legs, every part of me belongs to Gu Yuzui.

No matter what, I can’t escape the longing for Gu Yuzui. His name is etched into every bone in my body.

Accepting Shichui Mingyan’s kiss-does that mean my love for Gu Yuzui is no longer loyal?

Footnote:

1. Every Red Apricot Tree in the World Might Lean Over the Wall(红杏出墙):This Chinese phrase is a metaphor often used to describe someone who is having an extramarital affair or stepping outside the bounds of a relationship. It suggests the idea of reaching beyond set boundaries or conventions.