Don't Reconcile Too Quickly - Chapter 42
The bathroom was filled with the sound of warm air mixed with the splashing of water, creating a noisy atmosphere.
Shen Shixu held the showerhead in one hand and a cloth in the other, crouching in front of Chen Jiazhi, who sat on a small stool, gently wiping him down.
He was careful not to apply too much pressure, as even a slight touch could leave red marks on the skin.
Yet his fingers brushed intentionally or unintentionally over the neck, chest, and abdomen.
Chen Jiazhi shifted, pushing his hand away, “You should leave, I can wash myself.”
Shen Shixu wanted to give him any joy he could, knowing that tomorrow would bring the insertion of tubes, making bathing like this unlikely. He chose silence as his refusal.
Warm water flowed slowly, steam swirling and rising, filling the small shower space.
After a while, Chen Jiazhi clamped his legs tightly together and repeated, “You should leave.”
Shen Shixu looked up at him calmly, then hung the showerhead back on the wall, letting the water spray wet his pants.
He then lifted Chen Jiazhi to sit facing him on the stool.
“Don’t touch me!” Chen Jiazhi rarely expressed his resistance so directly these days.
Though his words were resistant, his actions were not.
Shen Shixu reached out, pushing Chen Jiazhi’s wet hair back, revealing his face.
Illness had left Chen Jiazhi’s cheeks pale and thin, making his once rounded features more defined, every subtle expression perfectly restrained.
“Liar,” Shen Shixu leaned in to smell him gently, warm breath falling on his ear, “If you didn’t want me to touch you, you’d have made a fuss already, wouldn’t you?”
Soon, Chen Jiazhi couldn’t take it anymore, burying his head in Shen Shixu’s shoulder, whimpering softly.
How pitiful.
Barely touched, and he was trembling uncontrollably.
As Shen Shixu rinsed his fingers under the showerhead, Chen Jiazhi timidly said, “You should be like me.”
Even while sick, he could be so tormenting…
“I can do this to you, but you can’t,” Shen Shixu said, gently lifting him, but the person on his lap was unwilling.
“What’s wrong?” Shen Shixu asked.
Chen Jiazhi’s face was surely “steamed” red by the heat. He lowered his eyes, fingers slowly exploring, “I can feel it.”
“What?”
He wanted to tease him a bit more, but when Chen Jiazhi bent down and kissed him, Shen Shixu was speechless.
Soft and gentle, the fire it ignited couldn’t be extinguished even by the shower’s water.
Shen Shixu tilted Chen Jiazhi’s chin up, looking down at him, “You’re not allowed to do that. You should be holding my neck now.”
Obediently, Chen Jiazhi wrapped his arms around Shen Shixu’s neck.
Shen Shixu buried his face in Chen Jiazhi’s neck, his lips brushing the thin skin behind his ear, inhaling deeply without daring to suck too hard, indulging in every scent.
The familiar coconut-scented shower gel was most prominent, but Chen Jiazhi always had a unique scent of his own.
Very faint, only noticeable if you paid close attention.
The last time he noticed it was when it lingered on a hair tie.
As soft breaths echoed like fragments, Shen Shixu’s lips moved from ear to cheek, then to the corner of the mouth, pressing his forehead against Chen Jiazhi’s, breathing heavily, “Can I kiss you?”
Chen Jiazhi pressed his lips together, saying nothing, not shaking his head.
“Can I use my tongue?”
With that, his lips covered Chen Jiazhi’s, tongues teasing and entwining for a long time.
When Chen Jiazhi’s breath became rapid, Shen Shixu pulled back, a glistening line connecting their chins.
Cool, yet burning like ice.
“O-type blood,” Shen Shixu said hoarsely, “Even your saliva is sweet.”
Embarrassed, Chen Jiazhi tried to leave, but his waist was firmly held back by a large hand.
“Give me a thrill, baby.”
Judging by his expression, he was definitely annoyed. In the past, he would have either made a fuss or cursed, but now he just softly said, “No.”
Those two words were irresistible, and before the echo faded, Shen Shixu held him tighter, triumphantly saying, “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”
The bath lasted nearly an hour, and finally, Shen Shixu wrapped him in a towel and carried him out, Chen Jiazhi falling asleep as soon as he touched the pillow.
On the carpet lay a phone, a book, and unfinished milk. After tidying these things, Shen Shixu lay down on the bed.
Today was a milestone, an epic achievement!
He carefully moved Chen Jiazhi’s head into the crook of his arm, resting his face in the hollow of his neck, breathing evenly in his ear, finally exhaling a low breath.
The joy of possession, ownership, and exclusivity layered upon each other, making him want to buy a thousand firecrackers and set them off at the ward door.
But he thought better of it, daring only to place a hand on his waist, steal a kiss, then another, afraid of waking him, leaning close in the dim light, tracing his features with his eyes.
Finally, stealing one last kiss before falling into a deep sleep.
The tension eased, leading to a late awakening.
The aroma of food woke him, the nutritionist having already brought breakfast.
On the table were steaming dishes, with bowls and chopsticks neatly arranged, yet the person meant to eat sat quietly on the bed, wearing different clothes from yesterday, quietly working on a puzzle.
Shen Shixu moved lightly, turning in bed, watching the back of Chen Jiazhi’s head move slightly, feeling warmth in his eyes before clearing his throat, asking, “Did you find clothes yourself?”
These days, he always woke early to prepare clothes.
The back of the head turned into a side profile, Chen Jiazhi looked over, softly humming.
“Don’t hum!” Shen Shixu immediately covered his mouth.
Chen Jiazhi asked, “Why?”
“Every time you hum, I want you to say ‘no’ again, and breakfast will get cold.” He released his hand, cautiously asking, “Why aren’t you eating breakfast, waiting for me?”
Chen Jiazhi replied, “No.”
The food wasn’t cold, but his heart was.
Yet soon, his heart ached again.
“Can’t eat, there’s something.”
“Where?” Shen Shixu immediately lifted the blanket, getting out of bed, pressing the center of Chen Jiazhi’s chest, “Is it here?”
“Yes.”
“What does it feel like? Pain or blockage?”
“Blocked, just want to drink water.” After a pause, Chen Jiazhi added, “Also hurts.”
This problem was nearly unsolvable, yet Shen Shixu still led him to the small round table by the window, “You need to eat, or your body won’t get the nutrition it needs. You have to eat some.”
He placed a spoon in Chen Jiazhi’s hand, opened the lid of the seafood porridge, and tasted a spoonful for temperature, “You used to love fish, try it, it’s delicious.”
After a small taste, Chen Jiazhi put the spoon back, lowering his head, “I want to be fed nutrients.”
An active request was a good sign, indicating emotional detachment was slowly resolving, but it was this kind of request.
Regardless, his body must be feeling very uncomfortable.
“No, nutrition must be taken orally,” Shen Shixu held his hand, “If you don’t eat, your desire to eat will regress.”
At that point, don’t even think about it, the body won’t withstand radiation and chemotherapy.
As Shen Shixu prepared to feed him, the cleaning Auntie entered, prompting Chen Jiazhi to eat, though barely enough to satisfy even Jiabao’s meal, and then he immediately wanted painkillers.
Painkillers have strict dosage and timing requirements, which cannot be agreed to, or the frequency of use will increase, leading to enhanced tolerance, and eventually, higher-level controlled pain injections.
So, Shen Shixu coaxed, “We’ll go down for the PICC now, and when we return, you can have it, okay?”
He had surgery in the morning and couldn’t return temporarily.
With a firm heart, he added, “I promise you, I won’t break my word.”
With that, Chen Jiazhi nodded.
After watching Chen Jiazhi enter the operating room, Shen Shixu carefully instructed Sister Wang, who was doing the PICC, and the caregiver, finally telling Zhou Wei, who had just arrived, “I have to go for surgery now. He can eat anything in the ward, but don’t give him medicine, don’t let him look for it.”
Zhou Wei acknowledged.
After giving instructions, Shen Shixu rushed to the operating room, and after completing the surgery, he hurried back to the ward.
In the ward, Chen Jiazhi was asleep on the hospital bed.
Zhou Wei whispered, “He didn’t eat anything at noon, Dr. Shen… did you lie to him?”
“Did he get angry?”
“Yes, he called you a liar.”
Both amused and heartbroken, Shen Shixu walked to the bed, lifted the blanket to check the infusion tube on the inner side of the forearm, then adjusted the infusion speed, lowering his voice, “Today he’s receiving chemotherapy drugs, did he have any reaction?”
Thinking carefully, Zhou Wei shook his head, “It didn’t seem as severe as the last two times, he even said he wanted to go in and get a book.”
Glancing at the empty medicine cabinet by the hospital bed, Shen Shixu asked, “Why didn’t he get it?”
Zhou Wei chuckled, “I don’t know, he went in and kicked the half-completed puzzle, didn’t want me to help, then came out and fell asleep.”
He must have returned from the PICC to find Shen Shixu absent, then saw no one in the ward, and didn’t get his medicine.
He must have been angry, should have been angry.
Shen Shixu smiled, “You can go home now, tell the caregiver at the door to leave too.”
Zhou Wei stood up, “Okay.” He then remembered Jiabao, asking, “Dr. Shen, why isn’t Jiabao here?”
This is a ward, bringing pets in is against the rules, and there’s no time to care for it.
It was sent away last night, probably unnoticed during the bath, and not noticed this morning, likely remembered upon returning, surely another reason for the anger.
Shen Shixu briefly explained, and after Zhou Wei left, he sat by the bed watching Chen Jiazhi.
The more he watched, the more he wanted to laugh, unable to resist kissing him, continuing until dusk when he had to wake him for dinner.
But Chen Jiazhi refused to eat, not out of anger, but weakly.
After removing the needle, Shen Shixu carried him to the large bed in the inner room, letting him lean against his chest, spoon-feeding him.
Initially, Chen Jiazhi didn’t want to eat, so Shen Shixu patiently said, “Once you’re better, we’ll travel, after surgery we’ll go wherever you want, bringing Hero and Jiabao, even staying in Switzerland for a while.”
The promises were grand, covering places worldwide.
Soon, Chen Jiazhi held Shen Shixu’s wrist, guiding the spoon to his mouth, but after eating, he immediately asked for painkillers.
This time, it was indeed time for painkillers, Shen Shixu didn’t lie, giving him the medicine, then taking him to brush his teeth.
Once his head touched the pillow, he fell asleep again.
Sleeping from afternoon to evening, Shen Shixu had just finished showering and stepped out of the bathroom when he heard a muffled groan.
He quickly turned on the bedside lamp, finding Chen Jiazhi’s forehead covered in fine sweat.
“It hurts… hurts…” he murmured continuously.
If pain could be transferred with medicine, this one would surely sell out.
There was no way around it, Shen Shixu cradled Chen Jiazhi’s lower back in his arm, holding him close face-to-face. He draped a blanket over his shoulders and freed one hand to rub his back as they walked around the ward.
The sharp angle of his chin pressed painfully against his shoulder, and his neck was loosely encircled by a pair of hands.
In this position, Shen Shixu carried him from the suite’s balcony to the outside ward, waiting until the floor had quieted down and there would be no more disturbances.
Carrying him out of the ward, they walked from one end of the corridor to the other.
The nurse on duty at the nurse station even sneaked a photo. Shen Shixu approached and mouthed, “Send it to me later.”
After a long while, Chen Jiazhi finally stopped whimpering, seemingly asleep, but Shen Shixu knew he was not; it wasn’t that he wanted to sleep but couldn’t-it was the pain that kept him awake.
He had seen too much Cancer Pain, compressing tissues and nerves, a pain comparable to trigeminal neuralgia.
After another half hour with numb arms, a muffled voice from Chen Jiazhi came, “Medicine…”
With a strained effort, Shen Shixu lifted him slightly and tightened his embrace, his voice trembling slightly, “You can’t take more, you need to be good and try to sleep. Sleeping will ease the pain.”
“I can’t sleep,” whispered Chen Jiazhi, calling his name with a tiny voice, “Shen Shixu, it hurts so much.”
“I know, I know.” With one hand, he opened the door to the ward and returned. Shen Shixu gently rubbed his forehead against Chen Jiazhi’s, kissed his hairline, and tried to distract him by saying, “How about I buy something in your name?”
“What…”
“I want to give you a gift, consider it a present,” Shen Shixu stretched his words, “I’ll buy it in your name and hang it up, okay?”
“Hang what…” Shifting his shoulder for support, Chen Jiazhi gasped, “Why buy…”
He had always been dismissive of superstitious beliefs, but now all such thoughts were shattered.
Shen Shixu usually did things first before talking about them, like that time they went camping. If he had shared plans beforehand and something had changed, it would have dashed their hopes.
But tonight, he couldn’t hold back anymore.
“Because you deserve it, and when it’s hung up, everyone will see your name and praise you,” he chose his words carefully, looking out at the twinkling lights of the cityscape from the window, Shen Shixu whispered softly, “It will accumulate merits for you, and heaven will bless you, you know?”
“Okay…”
“Do you want to use your English name or your Chinese name?”
Based on his understanding of Chen Jiazhi, he would choose his Chinese name.
Jiazhi, a name that signifies appreciation and praise.
But Chen Jiazhi asked instead, “Won’t you include your name?” His voice faltering, “You should also accumulate merits… Heaven should bless you too.”
Shen Shixu buried his face in the nape of his neck, his lips unknowingly pressing against his skin, and with a burning breath exhaled deeply, his voice quivering, “Okay.”
Early the next day, Shen Shixu scheduled this task, but after making several contacts, he found that the party in C City, previously contacted by Ye Zi, was an Auntie’s nephew.
Having been stood up twice by the same contact would upset anyone, and there was a risk they might deliberately refuse to sell.
So initially, Shen Shixu didn’t call, thinking it was best to hang it up as soon as possible. However, after a few seconds, he summoned the courage to have his assistant contact them in his own name.
He barely slept last night, and Chen Jiazhi slept intermittently, always whimpering in pain, tossing and turning under the blanket, clutching his thumb, begging for medication.
After several days, Shen Shixu had just figured out a bit of how to manage their interactions, yet the frequent requests were always the same.
No one knew better than Shen Shixu whether it was possible to take the medication.
He had no choice but to continue comforting Chen Jiazhi, whispering sweet nothings, promises about the future.
Until dawn nearly broke, Chen Jiazhi finally fell into a deep sleep.
But as day broke, it meant that chemotherapy would start again.
Today, without surgery, he indulged Chen Jiazhi by administering the intravenous chemotherapy right in their suite, catering to every whim.
If he couldn’t eat breakfast, Shen Shixu would spoon-feed him slowly, the side effects making Chen Jiazhi eat terribly slowly, each mouthful of mushy porridge taking forever to swallow, painfully whimpering so quietly it was almost inaudible, his lips barely moving, probably only understandable by Shen Shixu.
Half a bowl of porridge took an hour to feed, luckily not worried about it cooling, as the digestive tract was no longer suited for hot food; tepid was best.
After feeding, Shen Shixu helped him rinse his mouth, adhering to a no-waste policy, he finished the cold, leftover food himself, half-leaning against the head of the bed, gently patting Chen Jiazhi.
The body resting on his chest was so light, yet between their bodies, so much sweat had gathered.
Using a damp cloth, he wiped down his body, his forehead, his neck, gently rocking him clean.
“Do you want some ice cream? You can have something cold, do you want some?”
The fingers resting on his forearm twitched slightly, like an ant’s tickle, Chen Jiazhi weakly said, “Don’t want…”
Lying in bed with chemotherapy drugs dripping, there was no way to get up and move around.
“How about we eat a bit more, what do you want to eat? How about chicken noodles from Yuzhilan?”
“Don’t you really like wonton? Should I have someone go buy some for you?”
After a long silence, barely audible, Chen Jiazhi said, “I want medicine.”
“I want to take my medicine…”
The digital clock on the bedside showed the time, Shen Shixu glanced at it and whispered in Chen Jiazhi’s ear, “Soon, it’s just two more hours.”
Actually, the next dose of pain medication wasn’t due until eight o’clock in the evening, needing to be precisely timed.
But it was only eight in the morning, still a full twelve hours to go.
How would they get through it?
“I want it now… I won’t take it next time… give it to me…” Clearly in severe pain, not even mentioning the excruciating pain in his toes, his frequent requests for medication were a sure sign of extreme discomfort.
This type of pain, invisible to others, was very real to a doctor, especially to Shen Shixu, who specialized in such diseases.
Each of Chen Jiazhi’s cries of pain was like a drawing of an NRS (Numerical Rating Scale) right in front of him.
As the condition progressed, starting from a score of 6, the number would advance a centimeter each day, soon reaching 10.
Eventually, Chen Jiazhi wouldn’t be able to hold a pen steady, not even managing to draw a simple check mark.
“It’s not hurting now, can I read to you? What would you like to hear?”
From somewhere, Chen Jiazhi found the strength to push him away, “Medicine, I want my medicine.”
“It’s not time yet, just two more hours, can you hold on?” Supporting his chin, Shen Shixu leaned in to kiss his eyelids, “Get mad at me, it’ll stop hurting in a while, okay?”
“We can’t keep the illness a secret anymore, shall we tell your aunt?”
“She’s been trying to video call you these past few days, but you haven’t answered.”
As he spoke, Shen Shixu picked up Chen Jiazhi’s phone, reading aloud the messages Chen Meng had sent.
– Jiabao, you both need to take care of your health.
– Why don’t you reply to your aunt’s messages anymore, feeling shy?
– Have you forgotten about me now that you’ve got a boyfriend?
– You little rascal!
– See the hat your aunt bought for you, isn’t it beautiful?
– I’m coming back to the country next month, how about we have a meal with Shen Shixu’s parents?
– Oh dear, am I being too pushy?
– Xiao Bao, have you lost your phone?
What followed were many missed video calls and pictures interspersed with text.
“Shall we tell your aunt? After this round of chemotherapy, we can have a meal together with the elders, okay?”
“Jiabao, are you listening?” Shen Shixu gently called him, but Chen Jiazhi had already fallen asleep.
He regretted missing this address, but Shen Shixu also didn’t dare to disclose the illness to Chen Meng without Chen Jiazhi’s consent.
There had to be agreement between lovers.
After Chen Jiazhi had completely fallen asleep, Shen Shixu placed him on the pillow, wiped his body again, then leaned against the bed, placing his hand in his own palm, trimming his nails.
Around noon, the nutritionist delivered lunch.
Shen Shixu stood tentatively in front of the hospital bed. Waking him would surely lead to a fuss about wanting medicine, but without waking him, he couldn’t eat.
These two seemingly simple issues were indeed difficult to resolve.
He waited until the food had cooled down before lying on his side at the bedside, whispering, “Little Pig, it’s time to get up and eat,” repeating it three or four times before the person in front of him began to blink, his long eyelashes fluttering open like butterfly wings, his gaze unfocused for a moment before he came back to himself.
Sure enough, the first thing he said was, “Has it been two hours?”
“Not yet, you only slept for ten minutes, there’s still an hour and fifty minutes left,” Shen Shixu said, “Eat your lunch and then you can sleep a bit more and it’ll be time for your medicine.”
Chen Jiazhi then got up on his own, glanced at the small round table by the window where the meal was set out.
Several small, exquisitely prepared dishes contained steamed fish, stir-fried cruciferous vegetables, pineapple beef, and several soups, all very nutritious.
But he just looked at it, then lay back down, “I don’t want to eat.”
Not eating meant not keeping up with nutrition, and without nutrition, his body wouldn’t withstand the chemotherapy. There was no room for negotiation on this, so Shen Shixu lifted him up, resolved to be firm, “No food, no medicine.”
“Be good, hurry up, I’ll feed you.”
Pushing the spoon away, Chen Jiazhi leaned on his shoulder, silent.
“Being good gets rewards, starting today, as long as you eat well, you can do whatever you want.”
Chen Jiazhi remained silent, so Shen Shixu intensified his tone, even resorting to moral coercion.
“If you don’t eat, this food will go to waste. Do you know how many children in the world suffer from malnutrition because they can’t eat?”
“Don’t be upset, I-” he caught a glimpse of his shoulder, a tear rolling down the pale cheek.
Since his emotional detachment occurred, this was the first time Chen Jiazhi had so viscerally expressed his feelings through his features.
He couldn’t continue his reproach, immediately dropping the spoon to embrace him, pulling out a tissue to wipe his tears, “I’m not scolding you…”
Struggling to find the words, Shen Shixu continued, “You need to eat to get better…” His voice trembling with a mix of quiver and choke, “You have to be good, I know it hurts, but we need to eat to get better, so we can take your medicine, right? Once you’re better, whatever you want to eat, I’ll buy it for you, okay?”
Silent, Chen Jiazhi just quietly wiped his tears, cautious of the infusion tube in his forearm, fearful of any contact, Shen Shixu grasped his wrist, his lips catching the salty warm tears.
“I know you’re suffering, something’s blocking your esophagus, right? You feel like vomiting, right?”
“Don’t cry, acting spoiled won’t help.”
“You must eat, otherwise, no medicine.”
“You’re smart, you must understand what I’m saying.”
“Be good, okay?”
“Don’t cry anymore.”
After another difficult feeding session, Shen Shixu returned him to the bed, then started his own meal.
Throughout, his gaze remained on Chen Jiazhi, who was not asleep, his eyes still red, staring at the ceiling, muttering, “Half an hour left.”
With a clear mind, Shen Shixu could sense the external world, but the realization hit him like a jolt. What would happen when the time came? He was running out of ways to soothe Chen Jiazhi.
He abandoned his meal, rinsed his mouth, and lay beside Chen Jiazhi, hoping to lull him to sleep with gentle pats. “Just sleep for half an hour, and when you wake up, you can take the medicine.”
Chen Jiazhi looked at him for two seconds, then turned with difficulty to face him on the pillow. “There’s still 27 minutes left…”
That statement was like a ghost story, causing Shen Shixu’s hand to pause on his shoulder. He confidently said, “You’re mistaken, there’s still 29 minutes.”
“Alright, 29 minutes,” Chen Jiazhi said, glancing at the bedside table’s clock. “There’s still 26 minutes.”
…
Shen Shixu tossed the clock into the trash and lay back down. “It’s broken, not accurate.”
“Alright, 27 minutes left.”
Realizing he couldn’t fool him this afternoon, Shen Shixu thought, “Can we skip one dose today?”
“Why?”
Searching for an excuse, Shen Shixu explained, “Because during chemotherapy, it might affect liver and kidney functions. You’ve only been taking painkillers these days, haven’t you noticed?”
“The doctor suggests stopping for a day, or…” he cautiously revealed his true intention, “or delaying the painkiller for a few hours, maybe until eight.”
If you ask for the impossible first, then lower your demands, people might agree. The wisdom of the great Mr. Lu Xun should be useful, right?
Chen Jiazhi blinked slowly, “You’re lying to me.”
“No, I’m not.”
“This morning, you said I could take the medicine in two hours, but we just had lunch.”
“It’s clearly ten in the morning,” Shen Shixu said. “Baby, you’re confused, the clock is broken.”
“The clock might be broken, but the sun isn’t,” Chen Jiazhi pointed outside at the hanging orb. “It’s already past twelve.”
“…”
“So I want my medicine.”
“…”
He started to get up, confused, “Where did you put the medicine?”
He looked so adorable that Shen Shixu couldn’t bear it. He sat up too, his voice hoarse, “I forgot.”
Chen Jiazhi got out of bed, pushing the IV stand, letting Shen Shixu support him as he searched the room, checking every drawer, even opening the wardrobe, and finally rummaging through Shen Shixu’s coat pockets.
“Take out the medicine, you promised, even if it’s just half an hour.”
“There is no medicine, it’s all gone.”
Chen Jiazhi took his wallet from the bedside drawer, pulled out his card, and handed it to Shen Shixu, “Buy it for me.”
In the past, Shen Shixu would have laughed, but now he couldn’t muster a smile. He put the wallet and card back, “Lie down first, let me explain.”
Exhausted, Chen Jiazhi lay down, still panting, staring at him with wide eyes.
“Painkillers have strict timing, I’ve calculated everything for you.” Sitting on the bed’s edge, Shen Shixu’s heart was pounding, ready to face Chen Jiazhi’s anger, he said soothingly, “Right now… you can’t take it, you have to wait.”
“So you were lying to me.”
Shen Shixu nodded with difficulty, “Yes.”
Chen Jiazhi slowly turned his face away, tears fell instantly, sliding from his nose to the pillow, leaving a small dark spot. He pushed Shen Shixu’s hand away, repeating, “You lied to me.”
“This is for-”
“You know how long I’ve been waiting? You promised, I’m in so much pain, I don’t want this either.” He choked, “But how could you lie to me? You should have said from the start that I couldn’t take it, then I wouldn’t have hoped.”
Shen Shixu was at a loss, frozen at the bedside, wanting to hug him but being pushed away by cold little hands.
Fortunately, the chemotherapy drip was almost finished, and the nurse came in to remove the needle, flush the line with saline, and seal it with heparin.
During this time, Shen Shixu couldn’t intervene, watching helplessly as Chen Jiazhi silently shed tears.
After the nurse left, he held Chen Jiazhi face-to-face, walking slowly around the room like last night.
“You can only take the painkiller at night, how about sleeping like this for a while?”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lied to you.” He wiped the warmth from Chen Jiazhi’s cheek, rubbing his own cheek against it. “You used to throw tantrums, but now you don’t even get angry, you must be so hurt.”
Ignoring him, Chen Jiazhi leaned on his left shoulder, Shen Shixu supported his bottom with one hand, freeing the other to touch the sole of his dangling foot.
Warm, not cold.
He supported him with both hands again, walking to the window in the outer ward, looking down. “Look, the magnolia flowers are blooming below, shall we go down and see them later?”
Chen Jiazhi didn’t respond.
“You didn’t eat much this morning, nor at noon, what if you’re hungry? What do you want to eat now?”
“Shut up.”
Really angry.
Finally angry!
Finally expressing another emotion!
Feeling helpless, unable to speak, Shen Shixu lifted him slightly, whispering in his ear, “Seeing you angry makes me happy, as long as you respond to me.”
After wandering around the outer ward, they returned to the suite, opened the balcony door, letting the warm breeze blow over them, carrying a faint floral scent.
“Look, everyone’s sunbathing below, do you want to go down?”
Between the inpatient and outpatient buildings was a large lawn, with some exercise equipment, many patients in hospital gowns sitting on the grass sunbathing.
If you looked closely, there were even a few with IVs playing cards…
The legs around his waist swayed, the head on his shoulder tilted, without looking, Shen Shixu knew from every movement that Chen Jiazhi’s eyes were surely gazing down.
“No need to walk, I’ll push you in a wheelchair, go out and chat with others.” Shen Shixu kissed the fluffy hair on the back of his head, inhaling the scent, “Don’t you love crowds, love going to lively places to chatter?”
“Everyone will like you when you go down.”
“Why?”
“Because I observed, no one below looks better than you.”
Chen Jiazhi muttered softly, “Crazy.”
In the laughter that shook his chest, Shen Shixu placed his right foot on the slightly higher stone surface under the balcony column, letting Chen Jiazhi sit on his right thigh, stretching his arms, supporting Chen Jiazhi’s waist, first parting his hair to confirm the bruise on the left scalp had completely faded.
Then he quietly watched him.
In the silent gaze, Chen Jiazhi turned his face away first, a bit embarrassed, “What are you looking at…”
He didn’t know, under the spring sun, his hair color turned light, the strands on top gently swaying, when he turned his head, the sunlight shone on the skin behind his ear, clearly showing the white transparent skin beneath, with those red-purple, tiny capillaries.
A full forehead, a smooth nose line converging into a small tip, then slightly protruding lip beads.
If he stared any longer, those gray-blue eyes would start to wander, quickly turning away, pretending to seriously watch the distant scenery.
Soon, the expected movement happened before his eyes.
After a while, Shen Shixu said, “I’ve changed my mind, not going down.”
“Suit yourself,” Chen Jiazhi quickly turned back, glancing for a second.
“Don’t you want to know why?”
Successfully diverting attention, Chen Jiazhi blurted out, “You think I’m troublesome.”
Shen Shixu pressed his forehead against his, the grip on his waist gradually tightening, “Say it again.”
“You think I’m annoying.”
“Say it again.”
Getting annoyed, Chen Jiazhi frowned, “You’re so annoying.”
Hmm, another emotion.
It’s close, the person who used to be lively, loved to pout, is coming back.
“Because you’re too good-looking, I don’t want to take you down, everyone will look at you, what if you talk to them?” Shen Shixu laughed, “I’ll buy you a cage, put a bed inside, lock you in it, for life.”
“Go away.”
As they chatted, Mu Qing stood in the opposite outpatient building, shaking his head and taking photos with his phone.
The phone in Shen Shixu’s pocket vibrated frequently, forcing him to check it. After reading, he smiled, waved to the opposite side, and mouthed a message to Mu Qing holding the phone, the voice message came through immediately.
Using the speaker mode.
Mu Qing said, “Are you filming a movie? Making it so romantic?”
Chen Jiazhi looked up to find Mu Qing at the window, shouting, “I already have a movie title, ‘Balcony Eighteen Forbidden.'”
Chen Jiazhi’s face turned red instantly, struggling to get down. On the thirty-first floor, Shen Shixu dared not let him move, quickly carrying him back to the suite, not replying to Mu Qing’s message, laying Chen Jiazhi diagonally on the bed, then lying beside him.
He fumbled around, finding Chen Jiazhi’s hand.
Their fingers interlocked.
“I love you.”
Chen Jiazhi couldn’t shake him off, angrily said, “I don’t love you.”
“It’s okay if you don’t love me, as long as I love you.”
After a few seconds, Chen Jiazhi whispered, “If you love me…”
“Yes?”
“Then give me the painkiller.”
“…” Shen Shixu turned to look at him, “How are you still thinking about that?” He said, “You can’t take it now.”
With no obvious pain response, it indicated a psychological dependence on the painkiller.
“You don’t really love me.”
“Where did that nonsense come from!” Flipping over, supporting the bed, Shen Shixu hovered over him, gently pinching his face, starting to ramble, “I care for you because I love you, other patients, whether they take medicine or not, I don’t care.”
“You can’t control other patients.”
“You know why, you understand everything, yet you still fuss.”
Without arguing, Chen Jiazhi slowly pressed his chest, touching two spots, suddenly asking, “If I behave, can I survive?”
“Of course, don’t you trust me?” Shen Shixu feigned lightness, “Do you know how many awards I’ve won, how many patients seek me out?”
After a while, Chen Jiazhi asked, “Are you this good to them?”
“For them, I only fulfill my duty as a doctor, but for you, I only treat you well.”
“Then give me the painkiller.”
“Stop fussing!”
“Then I’ll cry.”
Almost laughing, Shen Shixu reached to touch his face, “No tears, fake crying.”
As soon as he finished, he was kicked, quickly saying, “Alright, alright, get up and eat something.”
Just as he got up, the phone beeped with a text message from an unknown number.
-Hello, brother Shixu, I’m Mingyang, the one my Aunt arranged for us to meet.
Chen Jiazhi sat up, grumbling, “I don’t want to eat.”
Another message:
-I heard you want to buy marble for Mr. Chen? I checked the warehouse, due to an issue with an Italian cargo ship, there’s currently no stock.
-Do you have time to meet, brother Shixu?
Holding the phone, Shen Shixu thought for two seconds, not looking up, said, “I’ll get it for you later.”
Chen Jiazhi lay back down.
The other party unexpectedly reached out first, seemingly not holding grudges, so Shen Shixu replied: After midnight tomorrow.
He had to soothe Chen Jiazhi to sleep before going out, not entirely sure, if Chen Jiazhi was still in pain and awake, he definitely wouldn’t go.
So he sent another message.
-Not sure yet, I’ll contact you when he’s asleep.
Mingyang quickly replied with an okay.
Shen Shixu was a bit surprised, this unseen “matchmaking partner” seemed quite good-tempered, then he thought about himself… now arranging meetings at midnight, making it seem like something shady…
At the time, he didn’t realize, later regretting it deeply, if he’d known things would turn out that way, if he’d known Chen Jiazhi would be so hurt over that white stone, he’d rather not have this elusive hope, he’d rather believe in himself.
After locking the phone, Chen Jiazhi slowly sat up again, looking a bit lost.
“What do I eat…”
Shen Shixu went to the storage room, took a bag of the Municipal Hospital’s specially formulated nutrition pack, opened the cap and handed it over, “Baby eats baby food.”
“…”
“Suck it, baby.” Shen Shixu gently patted his face, “Like last night, suck.”
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