Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Moody - Chapter 5 - I Am Not a Miss

“Miss!”

“I am not a miss! How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t you ever remember?”

Suddenly, she rose to her feet, flung the door open, and unleashed a torrent of shrieking and scolding at Xu Wei, who stood dumbstruck. Xu Wei’s face slowly turned red, tears swirling in her eyes, her expression one of innocent grievance and pitiful charm. This was the first time she had seen Song Xiaoni act so harshly. Although Song Xiaoni could be mischievous and unpredictable, it was usually only towards Shi Zijun, and never towards others, including the servants at Shi’s Residence. Song Xiaoni never acted high and mighty, nor did she impose herself aggressively as the young mistress, even though in their eyes, she had long been considered as such, with only the title awaiting confirmation.

Over the past year, they had gotten along exceptionally well. Song Xiaoni was always laughing and joking with them, very close, friendly, and warm. Sometimes, when she knew one of them was facing difficulties at home, she would actively find ways to help. The servants at the house all liked her very much. This unfiltered outburst of harsh words was entirely out of character for her, leaving the honest and meek Xu Wei somewhat panicked, unsure of how to react.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Xu Wei repeatedly apologized, bowing deeply.

The door slammed shut.

Back on the floor, Song Xiaoni collapsed, feeling so aggrieved she wanted to throw herself into Shi Zijun’s arms. The freedom she imagined wasn’t supposed to be like this. She wanted Shi Zijun not to confine her so domineeringly, but to allow her to have friends to chat with and a job that reflected her self-worth, instead of being kept idle all day as a mere companion, seemingly only valued for sex at night. Was that all she could do? Was that her only use to Shi Zijun?

One shouldn’t think too deeply about things; deep thoughts often lead one off the normal track, much like Song Xiaoni now, wallowing in self-pity and distress. The more she thought about her sole function, the sadder she became, which wounded her pride. She wasn’t greedy, not at all. She had her simple girlish vanities and desires for profit, but they weren’t overpowering or her sole motivations. She always seemed to take life as it came, but that didn’t mean she lacked desires. She just wanted a life that was hers to express, to taste a life that was subtle yet vivid, not just one of being pinned under Shi Zijun.

Little did she know, by merely expressing such a modest wish – even if somewhat inappropriately phrased – Shi Zijun would actually distance himself from her so decisively, ignoring her as if she were merely a pet favored by its master, devoid of any right to speak or autonomy. If she displeased her master, she would be cast aside, neglected until his anger subsided and he remembered her, maybe to tease and pamper her again. The more she thought, the more heartbroken and aggrieved she felt, her tears falling involuntarily, cold and tinged with bitterness.

After crying enough, she got up, washed her face, and went out alone.

She ignored everyone, didn’t bring anyone along, and didn’t explain where she was going.

Watching her departing figure, Xu Wei picked up the phone and called Shi Zijun.

Neither of them returned home all day.

Unprecedentedly, they didn’t contact each other either.

It wasn’t until midnight that Song Xiaoni, dragging her exhausted body, appeared at the doorstep of Shi’s Residence. She hesitated for a while before finally pressing the doorbell. She didn’t have a key, nor did she need one; once followed by two people at her sides, now she hesitated before ringing the doorbell.

The door chimed open, but no one was there to welcome her home. Her hopeful eyes instantly dimmed.

She realized that the followers who used to be by her side must have been instructed by Shi Zijun not to care for her anymore.

This freedom, this casualness of coming and going as she pleased, should have made her happy. Wasn’t this the freedom she had longed for?

But why did it feel a bit lonely?

And desolate?

Alone, her emotions and shadow swaying under the patchy light, she walked through the chilly steps and pushed the door open. Xu Wei stood at the entrance, nodding formally.

With a careful demeanor.

Song Xiaoni nodded back expressionlessly, her large eyes quickly scanning the empty living room. Besides the two of them, there was no one else.

“Has Young Master Shi not come back yet?”

The sweetly named Zijun in her mouth had now turned into the distant and stiff tone of Young Master Shi, her voice carrying a hint of petulance.

“Young Master returned quite early, he’s in the study.”

Xu Wei stood against the wall, answering in a structured manner.

“Got it, you can rest.”

Her tone remained indifferent as she headed straight to the second floor, stopping at the study door, which was ajar. She saw Shi Zijun with his back towards the door, head down, looking at documents.

There was no sign of him standing up to greet her, not even a hint of acknowledgment.

With a hesitant pause, Song Xiaoni finally pushed the door open and entered.

“Zijun, I’m sorry I came back late.”

“Oh, you’re back? Go wash up and head to bed.”

Shi Zijun slightly turned his head, his expression devoid of the usual blame and worry, and lacking the passionate impulse that typically followed a day without contact. Instead, there was a hint of indifference.

This reaction from Shi Zijun deeply hurt Song Xiaoni. She had hoped that by initiating a greeting, it would be akin to the deeply loving Shi Zijun lowering his head in a gesture of reconciliation. Although reluctantly, she was willing to physically compromise because she loved him. She never imagined a day when they would truly grow distant, but seeing Shi Zijun’s detached and indifferent demeanor genuinely chilled her heart and saddened her.

Song Xiaoni bit her lip, sank her emotions, and turned to leave.

Back in the bedroom, she also gave up the idea of playing computer games. Feeling lazy and tired, Song Xiaoni took a shower, still faintly hoping that Shi Zijun would come through the door. Despite her fatigue, she lay in bed with wide-open eyes, full of anticipation.

Time slowly tormented her will and her nerves until she finally got up from the bed.

She didn’t want to neglect their relationship over a moment of caprice, nor miss out on the person who deeply loved her because of a momentary resentment.

Pride could be dialed back a bit in front of one’s loved one.

The light was still on in the study, and he was still sitting there.

“Zijun, aren’t you going to sleep?”

Her footsteps paused at the doorway, her tone soft and lowered, with a slight whine.

“Go ahead and sleep~”

Without turning around, a thick stack of documents lay on the desk.

“I can’t sleep. Hurry up, I’ll wait for you.”

“No need to wait for me, it’ll be a while. I’ll just lie down in the study later.”

She moved closer, and just as her hand was about to touch Shi Zijun’s shoulder, she trembled involuntarily. Despite disregarding her own pride, she could still detect the coldness and detachment in Shi Zijun’s tone, signaling his rejection. It wasn’t overtly explicit, but neither was it obscure. Song Xiaoni was no fool; she understood.

She withdrew her hand hanging in mid-air, lifted her head, and fought back the tears that were about to fall. She despised her own weakness, clenched her small fists, and pinched her nose, trying hard to stabilize the emotions that surged suddenly.